Posts Tagged ‘survival’

A Dark Night That Lasts Years

February 16th, 2017

A dark night of the soul. Nights of spiritual despair. Moments where you cry for relief only to find none coming. Prayers that can’t be answered immediately, if at all.


I have been extremely depressed lately, and not just for political reasons. Just so happens that the political stuff is the easiest to talk about since it affects us all. But we all get depressed from time to time, right? Even if you’re not given to chronic depression and anxiety like I am.


Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, a day for lovers and the love-struck. Not for me, it’s not. It’s just a day between February 13th and 15th. I wish it weren’t so. I wish I had a love to call my own.


Who will comfort me in these uncertain times? Who will tell me I’ve been spending too much time on Twitter, please come and spend time with me instead. . .?


I don’t talk about my personal life on this space for a very good reason: I don’t have much of a personal life. Not that I would go around blabbing like an informant every time I went on a date. . . it’s just that there aren’t very many dates.


I’m relatively new to Whitesville. But I’m not a social person. I’m sensitive and self-conscious. Making a connection seems nearly impossible.


Maybe I can’t handle it. Maybe it’s just too much pressure. I’m like one of those Japanese men who have stopped trying to find a mate. Maybe I should get a pillow with a manga babe on it to be my girlfriend.


Maybe this is my life. Maybe I’m alone because I’m with the only person who can stand to be with me.

“Could you be loved?” – Bob Marley. Evidently not, Bob.


By the way, I finally got a hair cut last week. I figured it would be good to look less like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I’ve halfway shaved this fluff on my face into a somewhat organized look as well. I’m almost presentable.


August 13th, 2014


This right here is Loki?, a 1974 solo album by Os Mutantes leader Arnaldo Baptista. For this album, he is joined by the Mutantes rhythm section, Dinho and Liminha. Rita Lee sings backup on two songs and brother Sergio’s guitar is nowhere to be found. It is Arnaldo’s show, with him playing all the non-rhythm section instruments.


It is a short and sweetly sad album. 98% of the album’s lyrics are in Portuguese, but even a non-speaker can tell something is wearing on Arnaldo’s mind. Os Mutantes were straying apart, his relationship with Rita Lee had become too frayed to repair and the drugs were taking a heavy toll.


A lot of people who are casual listeners to Os Mutantes’ music might enjoy this. It is not as lighthearted or freespirited as the early 1968-1970 records that everyone knows and loves, but it is not as progressively oriented as their post-Rita Lee work would become with Sergio taking a greater deal of creative responsibility.


If you take a look at Rolling Stone’s list of the 100 greatest Brazilian albums of all time, the work of Arnaldo Baptista is all over it. Four Os Mutantes albums, Loki? and the seminal Tropicalia compliation which features contributions from the Mutantes which is considered the second best Brazilian album of all time.


In 1982, Arnaldo Baptista jumped off the fourth floor of a mental institution. He survived.