Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

Fresh Tendrils

May 18th, 2017

It’s not right or fair. Feels like a dick-slap reprise from 2016, a year that had many unfair passings. Chris Cornell, he of Soundgarden, Audioslave and his own solo career, dead at the age of fifty-two in his hotel room after a concert in Detroit.


I’m listening to Superunknown, Soundgarden’s biggest album. “Black Hole Sun” just came on. I can’t do this right now. I’m too choked up. Like a piece of my teenage life is now dead and gone.


Dear Chris, I wish I knew you. Knowing that I could not stop you, I wish you would have said why. Dammit, man.


To everybody else: Too often we ask the suicidal and the suffering to reach out when they need help. What are we really saying? I guess we mean it in a broad sense. But if you’ve ever been suicidal, if you’ve ever felt close to that point, then you know how hard it is to reach out. Why are you asking someone in a difficult, weakened state to reach out when that’s often the hardest thing for them to do? A part of them is wanting to die. They don’t want to be here. They don’t feel like they deserve the help anyway. It might be as hard for a suicidal person to ask for help as it is for a drug or alcohol addict to ask for help.


Try to keep your heart and eyes open. You reach out for a change. You throw a line out there in case somebody needs it. You be a friend when somebody needs it. You give love and consideration. You have no idea what a better world you can make if you do that.

I’m A Fool To Do Your Dirty Work (c)

April 10th, 2015

I’m so miserable, listening to Steely Dan seems like a good plan of action.


Nobody explained to me why Steely Dan were supposedly so creepy. Why? Because they wrote songs about cousin fucking and old hipsters trying to pick up teenage girls and do drugs and shit?


True story: when the guy from Slint tweeted that stuff about his marriage failing and taking his own life I actually called 911. I’m not patting myself on the back. No doubt other people did the same. I know of at least one other person who called and that one’s in my circle of friends. So if us two called 911 (even though I wasn’t sure whether the guy was in Kentucky, Philly or New Jersey or wherever), then no doubt others did the same.


He has two small kids, which is enough reason to keep living even if you’re so miserable you voluntarily listen to Steely Dan.


Writing songs about fucked up situations and people is more interesting than what normal song subjects are about (love, loss of love, desire for love, etc.) Steely Dan know it, Frank Zappa knew it (“Montana” for example) and I know it.


True story: I was thiiiiisss close to performing a solo piano version of “Deacon Blues”. It was going to be played like something from the early Residents albums, discordant and shrill. That goes double for the vocals which I was going to sing like one of the Residents (either Charlie or Ron, can’t remember which one). The final verse of “Deacon Blues” is so perfect it should be murdered in public on stage. “I cried when I wrote this song/Sue me if I play too long/This something is something/I’ll be what I. . .” You know how the thing goes, I don’t need to tell you. And it wasn’t like I wanted to take down the mighty Steely Dan a notch. I like that song and them because they are the perfect band for nursing oneself out of an emotional coma. Beats the Sweet ‘N Low of listening to Kiss, I’ll say.


If you want to die, you don’t cry out for help. Even at one in the morning on social media. A month later the guy is palling around with his old buddies Karen O and Lance Bangs. I’m sitting around with no shirt on in my trailer listening to Steely Dan and he’s the one who is suicidal?