So it’s been a few days since I’ve chimed in here at my homestead and all the bots tried to creep in with their comments that had nothing to do with the topics at hand. Oh, but I get to approve comments before posting them. Suck on that, spam cocks.
Fort Wayne, Indiana was host to the 2011 Spring Roll Invitational. A four-tiered roller derby event lasting two days, the event comprised of a five-team tournament, a three-team round robin on WFTDA-certified bouts, junior derby for under 18s, and thus far the largest amalgamation of men’s roller derby seen in the United States.
I attended on behalf of the Rollergirls of Southern Indiana, the team that I announce for that competed in the round-robin WFTDA-certified games. This entailed two games against Fort Wayne ‘s and Bleeding Heartland’s A-teams, and those teams against each other.
ROSI rented a 15-person passenger van that we packed ourselves into and drove across the state longways like a forward slash. From Evansville, through Bloomington and Indianapolis to Fort Wayne, I want to say the trip took about seven hours. Numerous stops to stretch legs, dinner, gasoline, bathroom breaks added to the delay. We finally got to Fort Wayne around midnight, which was not a good sign as ROSI had a bout a mere nine hours from then.
Sleep was not to be had, thanks to a broken C-PAP mask. During the trip, the mask in its’ travel case had a clean break through the bridge of it. I tried to hold it together with tape. I needed a stronger masking tape and the front desk didn’t have it. I probably slept about forty-five minutes next to Mr. Macabre, fellow announcer who had been a complete stranger before sharing a bed with him.
Bob Noxious organized the announcing for Spring Roll and reserved two rooms at the Marriott for us. Two rooms, meaning four beds, for at least ten announcers. This meant bunking up. Poor Mr. Macabre had to share a bed with me but I tried to be a considerate snuggler. He did not enjoy being outer spoon, though.
There were fourteen announcers total working this event, but some of them lived local enough to just show up the morning of the tournament. I envy them. I can’t believe I envy people who live in the greater metropolitan Fort Wayne area. It’s all perspective, people.
So with a mere wisp of sleep in their heads and a mere nine skaters activated, ROSI went to Fort Wayne and got smoked. Badly, Fort Wayne smoked them in the first bout by a score of 228-26. It was “bowling shoe ugly”, to borrow a phrase from a wiser announcer than I. For the ROSIs, it was difficult. For me, it was almost impossible to make interesting. I tried, really I did. When dealing with a significant rout, announcers try to focus on the positives from the losing team. So I did, but I can’t remember what I said because I was as sleep deprived as the team was, perhaps more so. Probably something about their butts. Hulk Smash’s husband shooting Bin Ladin in the face while overseas serving our country. He probably didn’t but that’s the angle I’m taking. He’ll get an early reprieve from duty in Afghanistan, it was learned later on that day. The difference between returning in July and returning in September.
Second bout went on later that day and ROSI performed better against Bleeding Heartland. Still lost, 129-55, but at least no one got into a stretcher at the end. Last ROSI-BH game was in April, and our team forfeited after two skaters were taken to an amberlamps with neck injuries and concussions. This was a more competitive game and gave the team something positive to chew on on the drive back to Evansville.
This is part one of two. Next part will focus more on the announcer end of things. I kinda gave short shrift to the actual bouts here, so there will be a few more sumptous details. I’m already at 700 words here, so we’ll leave it at this for now.