Posts Tagged ‘residents’

Swastikas On Parade

February 19th, 2017

(aka the best Christmas present ever)

 

(aka Did I just give Nazi paraphernalia as a gift)

 

I gave Mary a copy of The Residents’ The Third Reich ‘n Roll as a Christmas gift. The album cover is a drawing of Dick Clark from American Bandstand dressed in Nazi uniform. The album artwork is covered with swastikas. The music is relatively inaccessible, especially if you have no experience with the Residents whatsoever. Which Mary does not.

 

Explaining who the Residents are and what The Third Reich ‘n Roll will take far too long than I feel like writing. It’s an entire album of 1960’s bubblegum pop songs played very badly on purpose, mashed up and beaten to a pulp with a tire iron. Oh, and here’s the album cover.

 

 

Did we listen to this abomination last night in mixed company? You bet we did.

Was it disconcerting to nearly everyone in attendance? You bet it was.

 

At one point, a very nice girl named BB wandered in during the playing of this album and said “it sounds like demons” before making for the nearest door. There were a lot of nice people at this little get-together. This was not the album to inflict on them.

 

Legend has it even ol’ Dick Clark had a copy of the album in his office as a joke, seeing as he’d been immortalized on the cover in Nazi regalia while holding a carrot. Another fact I learned, Germany has strict laws regarding Nazi imagery, which means that this album couldn’t be sold in that country what with all the swastikas on the artwork. Same thing with Kiss when they go on tour in Europe they can’t use their typical logo in Germany because it looks too much like the SS logo the Nazis used during the second World War. So they have a custom German Kiss logo that scraps the thunderbolt “S”.
Did the Residents make a video for The Third Reich ‘n Roll. Of course they did.

Is it strange? You bet it is.

This album is what it sounds like inside my nervous system at all times.

 

Forget It (Some All Caps Yelling)

November 2nd, 2016

 

I’m in a lot of pain right now. World Series, top of the ninth. Tie game at six. Cubs vs. Indians, game seven in Cleveland. I had to turn the TV off because it hurt too much. Like “might sprain myself internally from holding in screams” kind of pain.

 

I’ve had to hold in my screams a lot lately. I want to scream all the time for all the reasons in the world. It never stops. It never stops. It never stops. It never stops. “It never stops” is repeated in that Residents “song” I just posted. I’m so miserable right now.

 

It has been a completely miserable day. The stress has been overwhelming. This is how panic attacks happen because the body is trying to process the stress that the mind ignores and tamps down. “It’ll be okay”, I keep telling myself. “It’ll be okay.” NO IT WON’T.

 

Something like your favorite sports team chumping it in the biggest game of their life (and the biggest game of your life as a fan) is an acute, sharp pain. Contrast that with the dull constant pain that is every day of your life. The things you want, you can’t have. The love you want, it won’t be reciprocated. Your hopes and dreams, they are the empty totems of a meaningless existence. The suffering that we try to rationalize and compartmentalize. Life is tough, and we’re meant to get on with it.

 

But then the sharp, brief pain of a sports loss and you are dumb struck. The grief of mourning without any of the gravitas. You realize that are no better than the birds in the trees, screaming their pain cries.

 

 

That’s how Werner Herzog sees the birds. And that’s really what we are. Birds in nature, screeching in pain. Why do you think they call them “tweets”?

 

Everything I did today I damn near messed up. If I had a long enough dick, I would have tripped on it or got it caught in a storm grate today. That’s how bad today was. And now, the World Series of Professional Baseball’s Game Seven is going into extra innings because. And then a tarp was dragged out over the field because of a rain delay?

 

I hated this year. I hated last year. I hated two years ago, too. Let’s face it, maybe it’s the years. Maybe it’s my life that sucks. I’m trying to make it better for myself but I keep tripping over this dick that I conjured up in the last paragraph. This long, trippy dick that doesn’t have anyone to love it and gets stuck in storm grates while I’m out tending to my errands.

 

Allow me to take some time to vent in all caps.

 

GODDAMN I KNOW CHAPMAN FIRED A GUN AT HIS GIRLFRIEND LAST YEAR. NO I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER. I FUCKING HATE IT. HE SCARES ME. I JUST WANT HIM TO FUCK OFF AND NEVER PLAY ANOTHER GAME IN A CUBS UNIFORM.

 

AND YET SPORTS FANS ONLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A GUY’S CRIMINAL RECORD WHEN HE LOSES. LIKE ROETHLISBERGER. GUY WAS ACCUSED OF TWO SEXUAL ASSAULTS. THEN HE LOSES A SUPER BOWL. AND PEOPLE GO “YEAH THAT’S WHAT YOU GET”.

 

LOSING THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IS NOT A COMEUPPANCE FOR COMMITTING VIOLENT CRIMES. BUT I GUESS THAT’S ALL WE CAN HOPE FOR IN THIS DOUBLE-STANDARD JUSTICE SYSTEM.

 

I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN INTO MY OWN PROBLEMS. I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START. IF I COULD I WOULD SPILL ALL THE TEA BUT THEN PEOPLE WOULD KNOW WHAT AND WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT AND THEN THERE WOULD BE DRAMA.