Posts Tagged ‘religion’

My Sweet Lord/Today Is A Killer

September 7th, 2016


Today is a killer.


I maintain that there is a God. A vindictive, petty God. He has made us in His image. He will shit on us. And the only thing you can do is climb out of bed and raise both middle fingers in the sky in defiance of Him. You have to tell Him to go fuck Himself. Because He will make your life as hellish as possible.


Being yourself will put you in a lonely place, especially if you are not like the others. You want to give love to people. You want to be loved in return. When you are not like the others, it will make you strong or it will make you whimper. Regardless, you will be rendered bitter and lonely.


People who sing to God sing because they need God. They don’t sing for the people in the pews. They do it for themselves. “God knows I need to see you but it takes so long my Lord. . . but everything today is a killer.”


And God reassured his flock, the flock that he pranked and trolled and tortured for ages, and he sayeth unto them “I will be there for you when everybody else is gone.” And sadly, many people believed that shit.

This Happened

November 2nd, 2014

CES (Church Education System) Devotional are held for 18-30 Mormon adults. Sunday evening, #CESDevo was a trending topic in the United States. It has nothing to do whatsoever to do with the rock band Devo. But this did not stop me from getting involved with my own Devo-related tweets.

Do you know who favorited this tweet? which is a Mormon website. I hope there’s a Devo fan over there, keeping a copy of New Traditionalists hiding in plain sight.

I deserve bonus points for not working “Whip It” into this. “Whip It” is pure easy mode.

Friday Night Follies

April 10th, 2011

So let’s recap what happened Friday. When I last posted, Thursday happened. Then I slept. I slept a hell of lot all the way through mid-Friday. Then TVH played a gig at a house party on State Street.
We played on the front lawn of someone’s house. That didn’t strike me as a smart idea. I thought that the cops would shut us down as soon as possible. The cops did indeed show up just before we started playing, but only asked all the people at the party to stay off the sidewalk. After that, we were in the clear.


We were a four-piece for this occasion, or if you want to put it another way, the reunion of the 2005-2007 pre-Prater TVH lineup. David, our illustrious keyboardist, was unavailable due to illness but was there in spirit. We played, if I recall correctly. New Lilypads, Micronesia, Termite Art, and two other songs I’ve since forgotten. What happened afterward was a shitty cap to a great couple of days.


I slumped into a comfy chair on the front lawn when somebody came up to me and asked me how I felt about the campus evangelists from the previous day (if you don’t understand, read the previous blog titled “Thursday Thunder”). What happened after that was a troll of such epic proportions on this guy’s part that I had to leave just to keep myself from punching him.


He basically said that I helped push God’s word the previous day even though I was clearly being ironic and silly about the whole thing. Then he told me that evolution was not real and couldn’t be proven while God does exist and the proof of that is in the Bible when He says “I am.” And that’s all the proof he needed, because that’s all he cited.


He wouldn’t allow me to agree to disagree. He wanted to debate me. And it occurred to me that he was doing this because of what had happened the day before, which is a shitty reason to go to a party in the first place. I was also offended that after I got done with the band’s gig, I was tired and yet he wouldn’t let up. I just wanted to relax and enjoy a gig well done and not get into a massive God debate.


“You say you don’t believe in God, but you speak of God as I speak of God, which means that God is real.”

“Yeah, but we could do the same thing about Indiana Jones.”

“No we can’t, because George Lucas created Indiana Jones. Who created God?”

“I don’t know. Who wrote the Bible? Maybe they invented God.”


And it wasn’t enough for him. I told him the absurdity of the Bible forbidding men to marry divorced women and he was in favor of it. Come on, folks. It’s a sin to marry a divorced woman? This guy thinks so because it’s in the Bible. He probably sinned by mere virtue of the fact that he was at the party? It’s a Friday night, after dark. Why aren’t you reading your Bible by candlelight or something?


I tried to end the conversation, but he wouldn’t have it. I actually said, “Stop talking to me” and he wouldn’t stop. So I yelled at him to stop and he wouldn’t. Then I called him a name, probably a cocksucker and he pushed me further and further. Then I stood up and grabbed the microphone and began singing at him “Fuck off, stop pushing your goddamn religion down your throat, you fucking imbecile. Go masturbate with a crucifix, you dumb motherfucker.” That sort of thing.


Except I took the mic from Meredith of Animal House while she was singing the first song of their set. I’m sure it seemed like a gross imposition at the time but I was furious at him and I thought he had probably done his spiel at numerous party-goers before he got to me.


Now that I look back, he only had one target: me. He didn’t like what I said and did? Go blog about it. Otherwise, fuck off. It’s a performance. What I did is art, motherfucker. Perhaps art in the loosest sense of the world, but art nonetheless. I’m willing to disagree amicably, but if you want to push your shit on me and disrespect me by making me angry and continuing to talk to me long after I say no, then you can cut your cock off and throw it into the river for all I care.


The strange thing is that after all was said and done? Those fundamentalists from Thursday, the Dust Bowl-looking people, were far more humble and polite about this sort of thing than this asshole was. I had a discussion with one of those people after our Thursday set and he gave me a tract and we talked for a few minutes. He wasn’t out to fucking annoy me. We had a discussion and were perfectly civil to each other. Woe that some other Christians can’t do that.