Posts Tagged ‘politics’

Reaching Across (The Stiff-Arm)

March 13th, 2017

In this social media age, how you say something is half the problem, and the only half you control. Perception informs reality. What I think you said becomes what you said because that’s what I think you said. Strip away real world interaction where you would have to look and talk to one another and everything we say to each other is boiled down to words on a screen left for the other to interpret as they will. That is the other half of the problem, their interpretation.

When echo chambers collide

I’ve given this some thought because some of the more considerate left-wing people out there are wondering how to reach out to the Republican voter, or the Trump fan, or the self-proclaimed “conservative”. You’ll notice that I put “conservative” in quotes, there. I did that in order to distinguish between conservatives, who have a set of ideals and ideas in terms of policy and ways of governance, as opposed to “conservatives”, the kind who like making liberals mad and things that make liberals mad as if politics is some sort of Kentucky Wildcats-Louisville Cardinals bullshit.


The only thing I’ve been able to figure out is to distinguish the Republican voter from Republican leadership. Because when the bullet hit the bone, Republican voters will feel the hurt just as badly if not more. But you can’t say that the GOP is fucking up when they introduce legislation to deregulate coal companies, gut the EPA, make it easier for mentally ill people to buy guns, make it easier for employers to ask for DNA samples of their workers, etc. . . no, you can’t do that, because the little Republican snowflakes take it personally, as if you said they fucked up themselves. Just now, I referred to them as snowflakes because I’m filled with spite. . . because the voters fucked up in November and can’t see it. At least not yet.


On January 19th, the day before Trump’s inauguration, I went to see Steve Earle in Nashville. He played a long show, with a lot of in-between-song banter, mostly about the situation with the country as it stands right now. And I distinctly recall him saying near the end of the night that “people get the kind of government they deserve”. It’s been almost two months so I might be fuzzy on the exact wording, but when he said that I thought “no, no they don’t. Nobody gets what they deserve.”  Nobody deserves whatever is about to happen between now and the end of Trump’s presidency (whenever that may be), not the people who voted for him, or against him, or the people who didn’t vote at all, whether they didn’t have time to or because they couldn’t. Nobody.


There may be a better way to reach out to the other side, but I doubt you’ll get far with “conservatives” because they are still beating the drum of drinking coffee cups filled with liberal tears and posting pictures of the electoral map from 2016. It hasn’t hit them personally yet. Or maybe it has and they’re too ignorant to realize it. Either way, it’s hard to reach out to people who would stiff arm you at every opportunity.


Of course, there’s always open hostility. Whatever you think is best for the situation.

It Hurts To Laugh This Much

March 7th, 2017

Oh, what’s this in my e-mail inbox?

Why, it’s an e-mail from one of my US Senators!

And he addressed it to me personally! Wowzers!


Yeah, I remember that now. I called your Washington office. In fact, I’ve called a bunch of times but I’ve only gotten through twice because your voice mail is turned off and the line is always busy. Quite a miracle I got through. I feel like Emmitt Smith shooting the gap to run for a first down at Texas Stadium.



Thank you, Senator, for this e-mail which is certainly not a form letter in regards to the issue I e-mailed you about (the confirmation hearing of Attorney Gen. Jeff Sessions).


Or what’s left of it since January 20th. Please continue.



That did happen, but not before you completely embarrassed yourself by shutting down Sen. Warren from Massachusetts.  So how’s it going with ol’ boy J.B. Sessions?


Mwahahahahahahah way to go Mitch. Way to win that battle. Hope it was worth it.

It’s not even illegal for him to have met with a Russian ambassador but he lied under oath during the hearing and that is certainly not illegal. He should be sitting next to Mike Flynn on the unemployment line. Oh ho ho ho ho ho.



That’s marvelous. You kill me.

Daddy Can Never Be Wrong

February 1st, 2017

Jesus was a crossmaker. I went to a rally in Bowling Green to stop Betsy DeVos from being voted Secretary of Education. Republicans have 52-48 majority in the Senate. We need a few Republicans to vote against confirming Devos. Three would make it. A tie vote would give the vote to the Vice President who would vote to confirm. We have tried to get through to Sen. Paul to vote no on DeVos. Sen. Collins from Maine and Murkowski from Alaska have said they intend to vote against her confirmation. That’s 50-50. Need one more. We need Rand Paul to vote no and vote for our state which is already near the bottom in education. He hasn’t rubber-stamped all of the Cabinet picks, and this one is really important.


He’s a bandit and a heartbreaker. The monster POTUS has tried to institute a sickening travel ban for refugee Muslims seeking asylum from seven countries. The rape of the world. The slaughtering of the American dream. Protests at airports all over the country. Giving hope and inspiration to the enemy. He’s so concerned about ISIS and yet does counterproductive things in order to endanger Americans and embolden terrorists. This is a sick man with a sick group of terrible people behind him and a sick group of brownshirts who love and support him no matter what he does.


Daddy can never be wrong. That’s the breakdown of any defense of POTUS by his hardcores. They will deflect, that’s all they can do. Daddy can never be wrong, no matter what Daddy does. No one can tell Daddy he’s wrong. Not the acting Attorney General, not the courts, not the houses of congress, not the opposition, not the press, not the establishment, not the norms of society.


One begins to think of the Bible and the man of lawlessness as depicted in 2 Thessalonians, and one starts to think of POTUS in these terms. But he wouldn’t have to be the man of lawlessness or the man of sin or the Antichrist.


Just Daddy. Daddy, who is always right. Who will always keep us safe and warm. Daddy can never be wrong.

November 5, 2019

January 4th, 2017

Or an open letter to Governor Matt Bevin:


Hey Guv!


November 5, 2019. Remember that date. It’s just not Guy Fawkes’ Day. Remember, remember the 5th of November, as they say. It’s election day in 2019, when you come up for re-election. And you need to know something, Guv. . . you are totally going to get smashed.


Let’s look at today, January the 4th of 2017 for example. The new Republican House in Frankfort swore in and they tried to railroad a whole lotta stuff through the pisshole of Kentucky state law. House Bill 1, that’s the number one priority for you guys. House Bill 1 is a Right-To-Work bill. What’s that going to do? You say it’s gonna help big business come into the state and help our economy flourish. Everybody else thinks it’s going to hurt unions and reduce workers wages all over the state.


What else did you they do today? There was the 20-week abortion ban bill, just like Gov. Kasich signed in Ohio. Really have a problem with women’s reproductive rights, don’t we? And it seems like most of the people in our state government are men. . . who will never have to deal with the physical ramifications of a unwanted pregnancy. Men will never have to have an ultrasound to see the fetus from a rape. They’ll never have to carry a baby alone as a single parent. They’ll never. . . have as much compassion for the currently living as they do for the not-yet-born.


Oh, and charter schools! Private schools with public funding! Great idea, Guv! Especially in Kentucky, which is 47th in the country in public education. Why give Kentucky’s public schools more money anyway? We have so far to fall. Like 48th! or 49th! Maybe even 50th if we dare to dream!


So off three pieces of legislation, we can see that you, Governor Bevin, are anti-public education, anti-women’s rights, and anti-worker’s rights. So, that’s practically everybody. Do you realize that in order for your future opponent to win in 2019, all they will have to say is “Look at me. I’m not Matt Bevin.” Seriously, that’s a twelve-point cushion in the polls.


You’re one of the ten most unpopular governors in the country.  Sam Brownback from Kansas and Shitty McCorpserape out of New Hampshire are slightly more popular than you are.


Shitty McCorpserape -artist depiction


So enjoy these next few years, Guv. My advice to you is to take a lot of Propofol. That’s the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. But you can handle it. You’re Christian. It’s not an addiction if you need it. Right? Right.




The Right-Wing Full-Court Press

December 22nd, 2016

As a kid, I played on the basketball team in school. I couldn’t shoot very well or pass all that good either. I didn’t run very fast and I got fired quickly because I didn’t have a lot of endurance. I was tall but I didn’t get a lot of rebounds because I couldn’t get very high when I jumped. And I was also a lousy defender. Apart from that, I was okay.


One thing my coach tried to show our team was the full-court press. We were either too small or too fat or we had no aptitude for basketball or we thought we were way better than we actually were (that’s you, Daniel) and so we’d get run off the court. Games got out of hand. These days, an official would call the game before the end if it got lopsided beyond control. We didn’t do that back in my day. Back in my day, we allowed a group of clearly overmatched pre-teens to feel the humiliating sting of a whole game while losing by a score of 78-21. It built character, apparently.


The full-court press is a defensive strategy in which the guarding team applies pressure to the team that has the ball the entire length of the court. Rick Pitino popularized this when he coached at Kentucky, although the full-court press has been a thing for decades before that. It’s a total disruption of what you normally expect from a possession. Normally, the team with the ball gets to take it up to at least half-court before meeting resistance from defenders. When the full-court press is applied, the defense can instigate turnovers, frustrate and exhaust the opposition.


The fallout from Election Day 2016 has yet to be felt and yet a lot of people are bracing for it. The right-wingers are look to be putting a full-court press on the liberal/progressive agenda. Building a registry for Muslims in America? They want that. Denying legal immigrant status to refugees from war-torn areas? You betcha, to quote Sarah Palin. Planned Parenthood funding? It’s like the GOP is in a competition to see who can get the most noticeable case of vapors over Planned Parenthood? Medicare, Medicaid, Obamacare. . . take all that out of government and put it on a rocket to the sun, as far as Paul Ryan is concerned. Gay rights? Just thought of such makes Ted Cruz sick.


Abortion? John Kasich just signed a bill banning abortions in Ohio twenty weeks into a pregnancy. A decent wage for workers? Maine’s governor LePage will not enforce a new law raising the hourly wage of restaurant servers. Separation of church and state? My own governor deciding to make 2017 “The Year Of The Bible” even though he declared 2016 the year of the Bible last year. Rights to govern and make appointments in accordance with your office? The entire North Carolina GOP establishment called a special session to restrict the number of political appointments incoming governor Cooper (a Dem) can make.


What we’re seeing here is a full-court press from the GOP, which is a hell of lot more organized than the other side. How do we organize to fight this? Where are our leaders? Where are the Democrats? Hillary is gone, and in almost a month Obama will be gone as well. Who’s left? The sock puppet that calls herself Nancy Pelosi and the soon-retiring Harry Reid? It remains to be seen who will win DNC chair or even when that will be decided, will Bernie’s guy Keith Ellison get the nod or Obama’s guy Tom Perez? The matter won’t be decided until late February. Meanwhile, the Republicans aren’t waiting.


They certainly are industrious when it comes to dismantling any hard-fought progress progressives have made. They’re doing a full-court press. We need somebody willing to get on the court and try to break that press. Someone who will actually listen to their constituents instead of corporate donors.

Mike Farmer For Public Office 201?

December 3rd, 2016

Future candidate for public office with the mouse he cooked by accident

Future candidate for public office with the mouse he cooked by accident


I could be the Governor. Why not me? I could totally set a fiscal budget. I’d probably mess some things up but I’d probably get a few things right as well. Nobody’s perfect, I learned that in a movie somewhere. I read it in a book that wasn’t the Bible.


I could be a Congressman. Why not me? I could go to Washington and vote on bills. I could stand on the floor of the floor of the House of Representatives with C-Span cameras staring through me while I say stuff like “Motion to something something, the gentleman from Wyoming is a douchebag.” Why not?


I could be a State Senator or Representative. Why not? I could go to Frankfort and stand in the State House and just shout at people about the dumb bills they want to pass. “NO THE COAL JOBS AREN’T COMING BACK AND NEITHER IS JESUS!” That would make a great campaign slogan. Not a winning one, but still pretty incredible.


I’m thinking about running for public office in 2018. There’s some options on the table. Not saying I could win because there’s no way I could win. I’m too outlandish. But hell, the guy who won the 2016 Presidential election lost the popular vote by 2.5 million. To a woman, nonetheless! And he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all. So why not me? The difference between me and Trump is that I’m poor and (very important) I’m not racist or fascist.


If I run for Governor, it will be intensely personal. It will be a “fuck you and your whole family” style campaign against Bevin and his nonsensical industrial-elite pandering. Fuck him and his whole family. Sucks up to the race baiting Trump while being the adopted father of four black children from Ethiopia. I hope none of them have to deal with the incendiary hate speech and harassment that is becoming more mainstream in Trump’s America.


I have some campaign slogans in case I ever get this sucker off the ground.





There’s A Reason Why I Called YOU

December 2nd, 2016

Dear Senator Dan Coates (R-IN)


Today I called your office. Your receptionist is a nice lady who took my message. I asked for you to join Senator Graham from South Carolina in calling for a Congressional hearing into Russian interference in the 2016 election.


Then your receptionist asked for my address, which I gave because I aint scared. I aint no punk. It’s whatever, Senator Coates. Then your receptionist asked me if I had actually called my senators from my state.


Which I had, or at least I had called Sen. Rand Paul. But he’s not on the Senate Intelligence Committee. You are, Senator Coates. You’re from Indiana, and you’re the closest in distance to me, so you got called by default.


My other Senator is Mitch McConnell, and no I didn’t call him. You know why I didn’t call him? Because my name isn’t Michael Koch. Who the fuck am I to Mitch McConnell? Nothing, that’s what. I’m not getting him paid, so I’m just another hater on his dick as far as he’s concerned. I might as well beat back the river with a stick while I’m at it.


I’m just saying fuck the GOP as a staff, a record label and as a motherfuckin’ crew.


I would love it if the GOP electors decided to vote faithless on Dec. 19th as a show of rebellion against Trump. What would happen if that occurred is that the vote would be kicked down to the House of Representatives. Who’s the Speaker of the House? Paul Ryan, who looks at Medicare the way Inigo Montoya looks at the six-fingered Count. He’d put Trump right back in power if he could get his way and have Medicare privatized.


I dunno, folks. Maybe there will be an investigation into this Russian thing. But like ten years from now instead of yesterday like we needed.

My Attempt To Join The Borg

November 27th, 2016

Did you know you can apply for a position in the Trump administration? Folks, it’s a new era in America. It’s mo(u)rning in America and as Ronald Reagan once said, facts are stupid things. So with that in mind, I went to and I applied for a job in the Trump administration as White House press secretary.


The way I see it, my job as WH press sec. will come with two objectives: (1) avoid saying anything truthful about the President-elect’s intentions while in office and (2) verbally abuse the assembled reporters for my own amusement. Objective #2 will be incredibly easy as my respect for the mainstream media is at an all-time low.


Really, media? All the stuff that’s coming out about the President-elect now could have come out at any time in the previous few months and you could have reported. But nooooo, you had to play along with the FBI’s ginned-up Hillary e-mail story. Between the Russians, the FBI and the media, no kidding we’re in this position. Now you guys are being called to Trump Tower to be yelled at off the record and you throw hosannas anytime the guy backs off from his most rabid campaign promises! “Oh, he promised not to throw Hillary in jail! Wonderful! It’s going to be a glorious Christmas! We’ll all eat the most succulent of goose meat!”


Anyway, here we go.



Here I am, on the road again. Here I am, on the stage.



This is the part where they say they’ll vet you lest there be “anything that might embarrass the President. . .”? I didn’t think that was possible.


Of course there’s some biographical info you always have to fill out. Name, address, whatnot. Then we get to the good stuff.





You can’t read that so I’ll copy it for you.

Please describe why you hope to be a part of the President-elect’s administration:

Despite not agreeing with the President-elect on policy, I do share a seething contempt for the mainstream media. This is why I should be his Press Secretary.


This is my cover letter:

Mr. President-elect, you haunt my dreams. I cannot close my eyes without seeing your wretched face. Truly you are the bogeyman my grandmother warned me about. I now realize that the only people in America who will make good money will be the hustlers, the carnies and the lawyers. Honest work is for suckers. Even though I am a registered Democrat, that means nothing. Party allegiance and principle means nothing. You’ve proven that, sir. GFY.


Please describe any addition qualifications:

I am as qualified for this position as the President-elect is for his. Far less racist, though.


As I said, part of my job as Press Sec. would be evasion. A lot of questions will be asked by the cowardly press and I will have to field those questions. I’ve already prepared some stock answers which will be used liberally.

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What the hell do you want from me?”

“I try to avoid the President.”

“You know, I wasn’t supposed to be here today.”

“You know as much as I do, buddy.”

“I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

“Reality is subjective. Have you ever watched The Matrix?”

“The best Smashing Pumpkins non-single is ‘By Starlight’. End of story!”

“I’m not actually the Press Secretary.”


Some Political Phone Calls I’ve Made Recently

November 21st, 2016

November 21, I called the Democratic House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform at (202)225-5054 and asked for a thorough bipartisan investigation into Donald Trump’s finances. On the second try, I got through to a person who took my message.

Inauguration Day, 2017

Inauguration Day, 2017



November 20 just before midnight CST, I called the Morton County (ND) Sheriff’s Dept asking them to stand down and stop firing ice water and rubber bullets at unarmed protesters in 26 degree weather. I was given two numbers. 701-328-8118 (where I left a message) and 701-667-3330 (which was busy). In addition, I called North Dakota Governor Dalrymple in order to ask him to call off the MCSD but I was unable to get through. His office number is 701-328-2200


November 20, I called Speaker Paul Ryan’s office (202)225-3031 to participate in a poll he is conducting about Obamacare. I was not able to leave a message because I called after business hours but I think that is an option if you call during the regular business day. Press 1 if you support Obamacare. Press 2 if you oppose Obamacare. There is no option if you think Obamacare is a good idea but needs some fine-tuning.


November 20, I also called the Department of Justice at (202)353-1555 to suggest an audit of the 2016 Presidential ballot, given what the media has uncovered about Donald Trump’s debts to the Bank of China ($650 million), the Deutsche Bank (who the DoJ just fined $14 billion), and his links to Florida Attorney General/person who decided not to pursue the Trump University case after receiving a $25,000 bribe/Republican elector/member of Trump’s transition team Pam Bondi. You could see how a conflict of interest may arise, right?


I called Senator Rand Paul’s office in D.C. twice, once on the 16th, and again on the 18th. That number is (202)224-4343. I called on one occasion asking Sen. Paul to condemn the Steve Bannon appointment. I called on another occasion asking for him to join in a bipartisan investigation in the link between the Trump campaign and the Russians.


November 17, I called Washington State Senator Doug Ericksen (360)-786-7682 about his bill to criminalize protest that blocks commerce and transportation. He seems to believe that George Soros is really paying people to protest and disrupt and terrorize communities. I left a message against this intended legislation. Here is where you can read more about what he plans.


November 17, I called the Republican House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform at (202)205-5074 and asked for an investigation into Donald Trump’s finances. The same as I asked from the Dem. House Committee days later.


On November 14 and 16, I called the Bowling Green office of Congressman Brett Guthrie (R-Ky) representing Kentucky’s 2nd district. I called asking for a condemnation of the Bannon appointment and the problem with Russian meddling in a Presidential election. That office number is (270)842-9896. I left a message both times and made sure to point out that I lived in his district.




(Vicious caption under innocent photo goes here)


November 16, I called Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin at (502)564-2611 and was put through to a voicemail. I left a message asking that his 2017 goals include hiring more workers for the Benefind call center and making the Benefind website more user-friendly.
November 14 and 15, I called Mitch McConnell’s office in D.C. at (202)224-2541. I wanted him to condemn the Bannon appointment. He is the Senate Majority Leader and a prominent, influential Republican. No messages were accepted, my call was not picked up. Who was I kidding? The difference between Mitch McConnell and a turtle is that a turtle has some type of skeleton.


On November 16, I called Kentucky’s Cabinet for Health and Family Services. After eight attempts to even get on the line, I was put on hold for about fifty-three minutes, much of which was spent listening to a fifteen-second tune that repeated. After I got a human on the line, I was able to deal with what was essentially an accounting error. I had spent an hour on the phone trying to deal with somebody else’s error. It was then that I realized that the next four years would be like.





Knives Out: GOP Version

November 15th, 2016


This morning, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) proclaimed “Welcome to the dawn of a new unified Republican government.” By the end of the day, three Republican senators had shown that the new Republican government was anything but unified. President-elect Donald Trump’s transition team also exposed itself as not only being splintered but totally unprepared for the task awaiting them come January 2017.


I watched Saturday Night Live last week like a lot of people did. It was the first one after the election and Dave Chappelle was host. Dave’s monologue was funny and insightful, some of the best television all year and he closed it with these words “I’m going to give (Trump) a chance, and I’m going to ask him to give us one too.” Crystal clear, Dave. Let’s give Trump a chance.


So Trump selected Steve Bannon as his chief White House strategist. Bannon, the guy who runs where you could find such a steady dose of clickbait, inaccurate news and straight up baiting at the expense of. . . well, let’s just say anyone who isn’t a white male. This was the chance we gave Trump and he totally botched it. How hard is that to do? “Don’t appoint a race-baiting anti-Semite bigot to your cabinet?”


Then you find out Trump almost made Bannon his chief of staff but didn’t because his son-in-law Jared Kushner stepped in. You should read this article on Politico about what a complete shitshow the transition has been. Bannon’s ex-wife accused him of not wanting his daughters to go to a private school with Jews. Kushner, who married Ivanka Trump, is a Jew. You do the math.


The phone lines have been flooded over the last few days by concerned Americans wanting their representatives to condemn the Bannon appointment. So far the only Kentucky politician to condemn it has been Rep. John Yarmuth who is not coincidentally the only Democrat of the bunch. Sen. Rand Paul did not condemn the Bannon appointment but he condemns the mere idea of John Bolton in a cabinet position, promising Politico that he would do “whatever it takes to stop someone like John Bolton from being secretary of state.”
Rand Paul avoiding the Bannon appointment and attacking both Bolton and Rudolph Giuliani (another Iraq war hawk) is interesting. Oh, wait he defends the hiring of Bannon fucking hell.

“I’ve met him. I don’t believe him to be a racist. I don’t believe him to be someone who characterizes people on race, gender, religion, you name it,” Paul said. “I think he ought to be judged by how well he performs.” – Rand Paul to Yahoo News 


Way to pick a hill to die on, Rand. It was an honor to vote for Jim Gray against you last week. I’d do it again in an instant.


Moving along, some of the old guard Republicans found less embarrassing ways to show the schisms in the new Republican government. In a press statement, Sen. John McCain of Arizona condemned the incoming administrations pillow-talk with Russia:

“With the U.S. presidential transition underway, Vladi­mir Putin has said in recent days that he wants to improve relations with the United States. We should place as much faith in such statements as any other made by a former KGB agent who has plunged his country into tyranny, murdered his political opponents, invaded his neighbors, threatened America’s allies and attempted to undermine America’s elections.”


The problem with press statements and open letters is that they are the written word and Trump is not much of a reader. It would have been easier to reach Trump by showing up at 5:30 pm on ESPN’s Pardon The Interruption with Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, in the hopes he’s watching.


To McCain’s point of attempting to undermine American elections, Sen. Lindsay Graham wants to investigate whether Russia had a role in cyberattacks on the Democratic National Committee to disrupt the election. Lindsay Graham is one guy who got burned by Trump who didn’t come running back. He’s no Ted Cruz.


Is there more? Oh you bet there’s more. Methinks Paul Ryan is cracking if he can say this is the dawn of a new unified anything and keep a straight face. Read the summary of what happened today that I’m copying below. You’ll be gobsmacked. It’s almost like the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup but a tragedy instead.