Posts Tagged ‘Matt Bevin’

November 5, 2019

January 4th, 2017

Or an open letter to Governor Matt Bevin:


Hey Guv!


November 5, 2019. Remember that date. It’s just not Guy Fawkes’ Day. Remember, remember the 5th of November, as they say. It’s election day in 2019, when you come up for re-election. And you need to know something, Guv. . . you are totally going to get smashed.


Let’s look at today, January the 4th of 2017 for example. The new Republican House in Frankfort swore in and they tried to railroad a whole lotta stuff through the pisshole of Kentucky state law. House Bill 1, that’s the number one priority for you guys. House Bill 1 is a Right-To-Work bill. What’s that going to do? You say it’s gonna help big business come into the state and help our economy flourish. Everybody else thinks it’s going to hurt unions and reduce workers wages all over the state.


What else did you they do today? There was the 20-week abortion ban bill, just like Gov. Kasich signed in Ohio. Really have a problem with women’s reproductive rights, don’t we? And it seems like most of the people in our state government are men. . . who will never have to deal with the physical ramifications of a unwanted pregnancy. Men will never have to have an ultrasound to see the fetus from a rape. They’ll never have to carry a baby alone as a single parent. They’ll never. . . have as much compassion for the currently living as they do for the not-yet-born.


Oh, and charter schools! Private schools with public funding! Great idea, Guv! Especially in Kentucky, which is 47th in the country in public education. Why give Kentucky’s public schools more money anyway? We have so far to fall. Like 48th! or 49th! Maybe even 50th if we dare to dream!


So off three pieces of legislation, we can see that you, Governor Bevin, are anti-public education, anti-women’s rights, and anti-worker’s rights. So, that’s practically everybody. Do you realize that in order for your future opponent to win in 2019, all they will have to say is “Look at me. I’m not Matt Bevin.” Seriously, that’s a twelve-point cushion in the polls.


You’re one of the ten most unpopular governors in the country.  Sam Brownback from Kansas and Shitty McCorpserape out of New Hampshire are slightly more popular than you are.


Shitty McCorpserape -artist depiction


So enjoy these next few years, Guv. My advice to you is to take a lot of Propofol. That’s the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. But you can handle it. You’re Christian. It’s not an addiction if you need it. Right? Right.




Some Political Phone Calls I’ve Made Recently

November 21st, 2016

November 21, I called the Democratic House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform at (202)225-5054 and asked for a thorough bipartisan investigation into Donald Trump’s finances. On the second try, I got through to a person who took my message.

Inauguration Day, 2017

Inauguration Day, 2017



November 20 just before midnight CST, I called the Morton County (ND) Sheriff’s Dept asking them to stand down and stop firing ice water and rubber bullets at unarmed protesters in 26 degree weather. I was given two numbers. 701-328-8118 (where I left a message) and 701-667-3330 (which was busy). In addition, I called North Dakota Governor Dalrymple in order to ask him to call off the MCSD but I was unable to get through. His office number is 701-328-2200


November 20, I called Speaker Paul Ryan’s office (202)225-3031 to participate in a poll he is conducting about Obamacare. I was not able to leave a message because I called after business hours but I think that is an option if you call during the regular business day. Press 1 if you support Obamacare. Press 2 if you oppose Obamacare. There is no option if you think Obamacare is a good idea but needs some fine-tuning.


November 20, I also called the Department of Justice at (202)353-1555 to suggest an audit of the 2016 Presidential ballot, given what the media has uncovered about Donald Trump’s debts to the Bank of China ($650 million), the Deutsche Bank (who the DoJ just fined $14 billion), and his links to Florida Attorney General/person who decided not to pursue the Trump University case after receiving a $25,000 bribe/Republican elector/member of Trump’s transition team Pam Bondi. You could see how a conflict of interest may arise, right?


I called Senator Rand Paul’s office in D.C. twice, once on the 16th, and again on the 18th. That number is (202)224-4343. I called on one occasion asking Sen. Paul to condemn the Steve Bannon appointment. I called on another occasion asking for him to join in a bipartisan investigation in the link between the Trump campaign and the Russians.


November 17, I called Washington State Senator Doug Ericksen (360)-786-7682 about his bill to criminalize protest that blocks commerce and transportation. He seems to believe that George Soros is really paying people to protest and disrupt and terrorize communities. I left a message against this intended legislation. Here is where you can read more about what he plans.


November 17, I called the Republican House Committee on Oversight & Government Reform at (202)205-5074 and asked for an investigation into Donald Trump’s finances. The same as I asked from the Dem. House Committee days later.


On November 14 and 16, I called the Bowling Green office of Congressman Brett Guthrie (R-Ky) representing Kentucky’s 2nd district. I called asking for a condemnation of the Bannon appointment and the problem with Russian meddling in a Presidential election. That office number is (270)842-9896. I left a message both times and made sure to point out that I lived in his district.




(Vicious caption under innocent photo goes here)


November 16, I called Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin at (502)564-2611 and was put through to a voicemail. I left a message asking that his 2017 goals include hiring more workers for the Benefind call center and making the Benefind website more user-friendly.
November 14 and 15, I called Mitch McConnell’s office in D.C. at (202)224-2541. I wanted him to condemn the Bannon appointment. He is the Senate Majority Leader and a prominent, influential Republican. No messages were accepted, my call was not picked up. Who was I kidding? The difference between Mitch McConnell and a turtle is that a turtle has some type of skeleton.


On November 16, I called Kentucky’s Cabinet for Health and Family Services. After eight attempts to even get on the line, I was put on hold for about fifty-three minutes, much of which was spent listening to a fifteen-second tune that repeated. After I got a human on the line, I was able to deal with what was essentially an accounting error. I had spent an hour on the phone trying to deal with somebody else’s error. It was then that I realized that the next four years would be like.





Compassion For The Other

November 11th, 2016

Just before 1 in the morning Frankfort time, my esteemed governor tweeted this.



It seems that the governor is a night person. Well, I’m also a night person but I can’t tweet him because he blocked me. So I e-mailed him. I e-mailed him about compassion. Compassion for the other.



I just saw your private twitter about the “silliness” that is going on at a public university.
May I tell you a story about something I saw recently? I hope you read this.
The day after the election, a friend and I went to a Mexican restaurant in Owensboro for dinner and to talk. We were pretty blown away by the presidential election. Didn’t expect Trump to win. After all, the polls unanimously had Clinton ahead up to Election Day.


In the hour-plus I was at the restaurant, I saw a white guy march in from outside and yell “WHOOO-HOOO TRUMP!” You ever watch that Adam Sandler movie “Billy Madison”? Remember the kid O’Doyle who pranked Billy and said “O’DOYLE RULES!” It was kind of like that. Keep in mind, we’re in a Mexican restaurant. With a Mexican staff. Latino cooks, Latino servers.


Remember what Trump said about Mexican illegals. “They bring crime, they bring drugs. They’re rapists.” I don’t know if these particular Latinos were illegal, but I hope you’d agree this was kind of a… pardon me for saying… dick move.


Then, I see another white guy in a bright red Make America Great Again cap and bright red t-shirt with TRUMP IS MY PRESIDENT in big white letters on the front. He was a customer. He’d come in wearing that and then went to the register and paid for his meal, talking about how great the Trump rally in Evansville had been.


Now, I know it’s no crime to wear that stuff anywhere and I wouldn’t suggest that it be made a crime. But again, a dick move at the very least. It’s also intimidation. I shouldn’t need to tell you how.


If this were an ideal society where people treated each other with basic respect then maybe a Trump presidency wouldn’t be cause for alarm. But in about a half-hour in a Mexican restaurant, I saw two separate incidents of whites acting aggressively. All over the country there have been dozens of incidents over the last two days where Trump voters have accosted, harassed, attacked and even murdered people of color and members of the LGBTQ community.


Again, if we all treated each with respect, people wouldn’t need grief counselors over an election. But people are incredibly nasty both online and in person. Mr. Trump’s victory has galvanized angry white people into violence. Minorities being afraid for their lives and needing counseling on a university campus, is not “silliness”, to bring it all back home.


Do not dismiss these people’s concerns as silly.


You are a man of faith, I gather. My faith has lapsed, but one verse that sticks with me is in Matthew which I am paraphrasing now: “then the Lord said, ‘truly what you did for the least of these is what you for me’.” Our country has many people of color, LGBTQ and disabled who do not share the same freedoms as others. Second-class citizens, if you will.


If people who do not have the same rights as us are not the least of these, then who is?


Michael Farmer
Whitesville, Kentucky

Mike & The Governor: A Buddy Comedy

November 3rd, 2016

Can two people who have never met drive each other to insanity? I think it is possible. bevinvsmike


If I could share the Governor’s half of the conversation, I would. As it is, it looks like some sort of “Garfield Minus Garfield” thing where I am screaming and reacting to nothing like a deranged Jon Arbuckle.


Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I kept haranging the man on Twitter so he blocked me. So maybe he’s a little more together than I am at this moment. Him and Corey Feldman.

I Go To Confront My Enemy

June 25th, 2016

I didn’t think I had any real enemies but I do. The governor of my own state is my enemy and he has a hard-on for making me and my fellow Kentuckians miserable. Perhaps he has it in his mind that he can turn the state into a giant smoking crater between now and 2019, the year where he will (hopefully) be voted the hell out of office.

Moments later, the cat was appointed to UL Board of Regents

Moments later, the cat was appointed to UL Board of Regents

This is irrational. Matt Bevin doesn’t hate me, does he? He doesn’t know me. And yet by tinkering with health care in Kentucky he keeps messing with me. I can’t help but take it personally even though it affects over a million other people.


There’s a public hearing on Tuesday in Bowling Green. I am going to address the changes Bevin wants to make to health care in Kentucky. The auditorium where the meeting is being held has capacity of about 160. It’s being held at ten in the morning. One of three meetings being held in the state, along with Frankfort and Hazard. He should have a meeting in Louisville as well but I doubt the University of Louisville would be hospitable after he fired the University Board of Regents and replaced then with his own handpicked stooges.


This will be a moment when I make my voice heard. I will have to stand up. I can’t stand up very well or for very long but I will stand up and I speak my piece. I may start shouting and cursing. He isn’t me. He doesn’t know what the average Kentuckian goes through. His life has been one of overwhelming privilege and now he tries to save money by punishing the poorest citizens while giving $18 million to some creep to build a fake Ark that won’t even float.


I have written from the safety of my home, on this website, on social media. I’ve made numerous phone calls to Frankfort. It’s not enough. I have to stand up and be counted as someone who said “no” to all this shit. No sideline garbage. I am the man for my times whether I want to be or not.

Four Hours In The Hole With Benefind

March 30th, 2016

Here is my edited-for-clarity live Twitter rant of my attempt to get my state medical benefits recertified.


Long story short: I lost state benefits sometime between January and the beginning of March. How much of this had to do with me failing to recertify and how much had to do with Matt Bevin’s installation of the Benefind portal as a substitute for the well-working KyNect I’m not sure.

I spent four hours on the phone. It was a difficult experience. You will see below. I’ve added some notes afterward as a postscript.





Yesterday I got the number from the ombudsman and left a phone message. I referenced that in part one above. They returned my call shortly after this tweet rant and promised to get back to me with any information they could within a few days. I have some more forms coming in the mail that I will have to turn in to my local office but I don’t know how I’ll do with that on account of my phobia which I haven’t told people about BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T DISCLOSE THEIR PHOBIAS FOR OTHERS TO KNOW. Did you know that the Undertaker from the WWE has a fear of cucumbers? Sounds stupid doesn’t it? Not to me. I can’t open my mail.

A Change Of Black Heart

March 22nd, 2016

Regular readers of this website will notice a trend of being against certain people (like Governor Matt Bevin, and Donald Trump) and for certain things (like the betterment of the world and peace and happiness for everyone).


I’m afraid to inform you that this policy will no longer continue.


It would be easy to disregard my proclamation as pure sarcasm, but unfortunately I mean it. I’m over it. You don’t have to join me. Form your own opinion, But of course you should join me.


Because I am not going to have any children, I don’t have to worry about passing this world down to the next generation. Who’s going to inherit this world when I’m gone? My cousin’s kids? So what? They can deal.


I am as sincere about this as I was about challenging Governor Bevin to a cockfight last month. Now instead of hosting a cockfight as a greater political statement, I can embrace it as the sick cheapo thrill it truly is. And I can host pitbull fights while I’m at it.


I want to cut the tops off the Appalachians. I would do it myself if I had the power. Fracking? I don’t know what it is and I don’t care. If Mark Ruffalo hates it then I support it. What has he ever done for Kentucky? Probably an Indiana fan. Boooooo.


Why aren’t we sending children into the caves to get the coal out? They’re smaller, rangier, and they can earn a living like their parents used to. School? Come on. You don’t need school when you have Google. Black lung? You can’t prove that happens anymore. Besides we’ll make the kids wear little paper masks.


Why are we only having the Kentucky Derby once a year? And why are the horses not fighting each other instead of racing? Did you know that horse fighting is a $7500-a-year (estimated) industry in the Philippines. And you get the eat the meat of the losing horse afterward. That’s why everyone is going to the Philippines to get gender surgery to look like Caitlyn Jenner.


I’m voting for Trump this November, assuming he gets the Republican nomination. I just want to watch the world burn. That guy is not even close to being a good statesman. He is in fact the worst of the available choices.


I don’t know why I’m saying I want to watch the world burn when in fact I’m already watching it burn. He isn’t even President yet and look what he’s accomplished. I’m looking forward to the death of the illusion of the American dream. The death of everyone’s illusions.


I probably need to spend more time outside.

I Withdraw The Cockfighting Challenge

February 13th, 2016

It was a rough few days. I was in a fowl mood. Hope for the future seemed dim and poultry. Matt Bevin, the dumbest cluck of all, had his sights set on KyNect, Planned Parenthood, and other things that benefit people. I had become so discouraged I challenged him to a cockfight earlier this week. A futile and pitiful gesture, but I wanted to blister him in print for the ages because I knew he would not decide the fate of his gubernatorial term in a bout of illegal animal fighting before a packed Yum! Center and pay-per-view audience (it’s a long story, folks).


So you can imagine how bad I felt about Bevin signing into law a bill requiring women to meet with their doctor twenty-four hours prior to an abortion. It was the first bill he signed into law as Governor. He was incredibly proud, too.




And you know what happened? The women were not happy with this. No, they were not. No no no no no. And they let him know.

Kentucky women took to Twitter on Friday to call attention to abortion in Kentucky.

The hashtag #AskBevinAboutMyVag was trending on Twitter on Friday afternoon, where women and some men tweeted their thoughts on Republican Gov. Matt Bevin signing into law a bill that requires a woman to meet with her doctor in-person or via video 24 hours prior to an abortion.

And on Thursday, a Senate committee approved requiring doctors to perform an ultrasound and describe the image to women seeking an abortion.



Even your old pal I got into the act. Couldn’t resist.



It was a good moment. #askBevinaboutmyvag became a Twitter trending topic in Louisville. It called attention to Bevin’s carpet-bomb of an administration and also the complicit state legislature (overwhelmingly male) going bi-partisan in the worst way to pass the 24-hour bill in the first place. It was a first class act of mansplaining and it showcased all the participants for their lack of humanity and empathy.


This is a good time for me to cheerfully withdraw my cockfighting challenge to the Governor. Because the Governor has a enemy he will not be able to ignore. Women, and those who love and support women. And his cock is in hot water like never before!


This is not Matt Bevin’s Kentucky. This is Hunter S. Thompson’s Kentucky, the Everly Brothers’ Kentucky, and it damn sure is Ashley Judd and Jennifer Lawrence’s Kentucky. It’s my Kentucky, my sister’s Kentucky and my mother’s Kentucky. But not yours, Bevin. You ratfaced son of ten bastards.  And just like Kentucky’s own Muhammad Ali, we are going to (and I quote) “rumble, young man, rumble.”


Reach for the sky, fuckface.



I Challenge The Governor To A Cockfight

February 10th, 2016

Dear Governor Matt Bevin,

I have watched with great interest over the first weeks of your term as Governor of our fine state. I voted against you because of many reasons: you siding with Kim Davis over the law, you wanting to dismantle the KyNect system, your attendance at a cockfighting rally.


I have tried to be a gentleman in my opposition to you. I don’t want you to be the Governor but you are. I wish you would lose the terrible courage of your terrible convictions. It’s easy to take away from those who already who have little, especially when you’re doing well for yourself. Some people are born on third base and think they earned a triple. You seem like one of these privileged types and those are the people of good fortune I can’t stand. They usually lack the self-awareness to see they have had more good breaks than an average person and put down others for not working hard enough.


Let me be clear: many of our humble neighbors in Kentucky and throughout the U.S. don’t want a handout. They all had variations on the same dream, that they would work hard and have something to show for it. Unfortunately, many of them don’t have anything to show for their hard work and to add insult, they are made to feel like its their fault somehow. . . by the wealthy elite who control big business and government. The same people who used the law to work things in their favor and simultaneously disenfranchise the general public. You are the Governor, you are the power elite now and you would rather save a few bucks than help your constituents.


This is why I want to challenge you to a cockfight. A chicken fight, as it were.


Keep in mind, I don’t own a fighting chicken, nor do I expect that you would. I don’t have any chickens. But I bet I could find the right people to talk to in acquiring a good fighting chicken and the little blades they wear when they fight. I have never been to a cockfight, either. Because (one) it’s illegal and (two) the cops would not appreciate my answer to why I’d go to a cockfight in the first place. “I’m here for the people watching, Officer.”


I’ve tried various means to subvert your work. I’ve subtweeted you. I’ve tweeted you directly. I’ve also tried to flirt with your Treasurer online to see if I could bring you down from the inside. I’ve e-mailed my local representatives about your ridiculous notions and your in(s)ane excuse for a fiscal budget.


It’s time to take this to an absurd level. I’m challenging you, Gov. Bevin, to a motherfucking cockfight. Because you are a goddamn son of a harlot and I can’t stand the idea of another three years and eleven months minimum with you in charge.


You seem to think big business money would do well for the state instead of using federal government resources, so I say we put this motherfucking chicken fight on at the venue of your choice and charge attendance. I just looked it up: it is not against Kentucky state law to attend a cockfight. We should find out if the Yum! Center is available. Think about it, Gov. 22,000 people packed into the Yum! Center to watch a motherfucking chicken fight. The money we could use that for. Think of the pay-per-view possibilities. Big goddamn business, you fucking idiot asshole.


Here’s my stipulations for the big motherfucking chicken fight.

  1. We each pick a fighting cock as a proxy for the battle.
  2. You make it where you and I don’t get in trouble for this because you’re the fuckin’ asshole Governor who can do dumb shit and get away with it.
  3. If your chicken wins, you can stay in charge and I’ll take it like I’ve been taking the shit my whole life.
  4. BUT if my chicken somehow wins, by the grace of the Good Lord Himself, you resign as the Governor and you fuck off back to New Hampshire.
  5. If none of the above four steps are doable, I’m willing to have a MMA bout to the death with you, Kickboxer 4-style. I actually hope you decide you want this option because cockfighting is gross and stupid.


I know I’m being hypocritical in suggesting a cockfight even though I think it’s gross and stupid but I consider you a gross and stupid man who would enjoy such a thing. In the marketplace of ideas, you are one broke piece of shit peddling austerity like Kentucky is the Greece of the U.S.


I’m fooling myself, aren’t I? I know you won’t accept a fistfight or a cockfight. You won’t even dignify it with a response. Not because of the moral turpitude involved but because doing it would give you a chance to see Kentuckians up close. You’d finally get to see what your constituents feel about you, for good or ill.


Fuck you, fuckstick.


Mike Farmer






An Interview With The Governor-Elect

November 12th, 2015

Some quotes from a new interview with the Governor-elect (that I made up).


“I’m looking forward to governing the Commonwealth of Kentucky brought to you by Four Loko. Oh you don’t know about that? Kentucky is being brought to you by Four Loko. We’re doing a sponsorship deal with them. It’s great. We’re putting a can of the stuff on the state flag behind the two guys shaking hands and changing the state motto to “United We Stand, Divided We Fall, Drink Responsibly.”


“I love horse racing. Horse racing is a major part of Kentucky’s heritage and economy. I’m in favor of cockfighting, and I don’t think those two things are unrelated. Cockfighting, dog fighting, horse fighting. You don’t know about horse fighting? It’s big in Southeast Asia, especially the Philippines. They get two horses fighting over a mare in heat. It’s a fight to death. We could bring that back to Churchill Downs after Dark, brought to you by Four Loko. Oh, yeah, we’re painting Churchill Downs neon green. That’s part of the sponsorship deal.”


“I have nine kids. I have no idea where they all came from.”


“We’re going to gut KyNect but we’ll let you breed animals for fighting and whoring out. I found out on Facebook that bestiality was not illegal in Kentucky. Also, we’re bringing back synthetic marijuana. The Hindus who run the gas stations asked for it. I felt like I needed to throw them a bone. Also, selling human remains is legal at gas stations. Not that they asked for it or nothing.”