Posts Tagged ‘hopes’

The People Need Victories

December 5th, 2016

And this week the people got a pair of them.


North Carolina incumbent Governor Pat McCrory finally dropped out of his race for a second term, nearly a month after an election in which he lost by just about 10,000 votes or so. McCrory was the one who had signed the infamous and stupid HB2 into law. The bathroom bill that said that a person must go to a public restroom that corresponds with the genitalia they have. It was a mean, stupid and bad law that sent all kinds of creeps to Target in order to play bathroom vigilante lest some pedo in drag dress up and molest children to their hearts content. Which didn’t happen, but that didn’t stop the stupid and panicked from being stupid and panicking.


In a year where the Republicans won overwhelmingly, Pat McCrory could not secure his a second term. The economic and social downfall from HB2 had been quick. The NBA, the NCAA, numerous major businesses pulled out of N.C. No more March Madness games or NBA All-Star Game until this was repealed. Ringo Starr and Pearl Jam cancelled concerts in the state. HB2 was McCrory’s legacy and it was his curse. Perhaps in 2017, the Tarheel state will be able to repeal this absurd, ineffectual law.


More importantly, a break in the Dakota Access Pipeline deal. The Army Corps of Engineers denied a permit to Energy Transfer Partners LP of Texas to complete the pipeline. It’s a temporary victory but it’s sorely needed as the pipeline builders had employed the Morton County Sheriff’s Department to fire ice water and rubber bullets at unarmed protestors. Many people were hurt and maimed. The idea of firing on unarmed protesters is galling. You can’t say ice water and rubber bullets are non-lethal late at night in North Dakota when its’ twenty-six degrees out. Hypothermia is possible and even likely. That’s when the non-lethal becomes potentially lethal.


The Standing Rock Sioux tribe needed a victory as the police reaction to the counter-protest was getting out of hand. Worse, the lack of media attention to the situation. And I mean television media. Internet and print media are still working to convey some sort of journalism in the year 2016. But TV news is basically done. A CNN executive bragged about 2016 being a billion-dollar profit year for them because of Donald Trump. That’s great. You want to pay for everybody’s insurance after Paul Ryan rips it away from us next year, fuckface? Since you had such a great year and all.


Maybe we’re fucked no matter what. But we have to keep trying.



I Have So Much To Learn

March 29th, 2015


The nature of true love, as discussed years ago on an episode of Ron & Fez, a popular talk-radio show.


Fez has a ideal of what true love means. Fez, as of this 2009 broadcast, is a closeted gay and middle-age virgin. Fez keeps referring to “the secret” which is not the wish-fulfillment scheme that has sold a ton of books but is actually his homosexuality which he has only told Ron about but the show’s staff and listeners seem to know anyway. Ron, his worldly radio partner, picks apart his logic.


I tried to clean up the transcription, so it’s not 100% accurate. Emphasis is mine.


Fez: “You wouldn’t want any other person. I would think it would be because you couldn’t replicate true love with somebody else. True romantic love.”
Ron: “What about people who get married many times in their lives?”

Fez: “I think probably only one of those is someone’s true love.”

Ron: “Interesting.”

Fez: “. . . and the other one is maybe like – there’s obviously love and a need for wanting that kind of companionship but I don’t know if they’re all – like, if somebody gets married three, four times, all three of four are true love.”

Ron: “So you just really see the fairy tale thing?”

Fez: “Yeah, I think so.”

Ron: “Interesting considering that in all the fairy tales, these are traditional relationships. And a lot of the reasons why people are against alternative things is because they don’t fit into the traditional values.”


(Fez to a polyamorous caller who talks about the peaceful co-existence with her husband and boyfriend)

Fez: “I think you probably do have one true love out of the two of them. I bet there’s one that you do love more than the other. Maybe it’s on a very micro level but I would bet that you do.”

Ron: “Why do you, of all people, want to put anyone else in a box?. . . Do you see that you should be on the side of alternativeness?”

Fez:”Yes, I understand that, but. . .”

Ron: “And yet you’re telling her (about her lifestyle) that you don’t give her any credibility.  That what fucking kills me. . . do you see how Southern conservative you really are? Despite all the things that, you claim to be you create these boxes not just for yourself to live in but everybody else.”


Ron (left) and Fez.

Ron (left) and Fez.

(on Fez’s concept of having “one true love”)

Ron: “Why is this concept so important to you?”

Fez: Um. . . I think it’s that one overwhelming feeling of love that one person can produce in you.

Ron: “And you’ve never had it yet?”

Fez: “Mmm. . . I’ve probably had it but not where it was reciprocated.”

Ron: “So that wouldn’t be true love.”

Fez: “Right, yeah.”

Ron: “So you haven’t had it. In your way of thinking, you haven’t had it?”

Fez: I have not had it.

Ron: “So why would your heart be broke if your standard is there’s only one person for you? And the second that person says ‘I am not for you’, why wouldn’t you just go ‘Oh good because that means you’re not the one and the one is out there’?”

Fez: “Well I mean, there’s still an awful lot of love involved.”

Ron: “But it’s not true love. If there’s such a thing as true love, nothing else would matter. If your concept of true love existed, nothing else would matter.”


Fez: “. . . I do think that true love is just something that is going to smack me in the face.”

Ron: “But why? Why would you be given this? Dinner doesn’t smack you in the face. You have to earn dinner. A clean home doesn’t smack you in the face. Nothing else is a gift that falls down from heaven. Why do we confuse the fact of this ‘true love’ thing? Why would that be something that must be built, like everything else in life?”


There are a lot of people in the world who aren’t closeted asexual middle-aged virgins (like Fez) but they believe in this concept of “one true love”. I myself have felt this way. Still clung to the idea of finding my one true love. The “there’s somebody for everybody” logic which isn’t logic but a sad piece of blind hope. We tell the lie to each other, we tell it to ourselves. The blind leading the blind. Or the blind taking suggestions from the tone-deaf, or something.


Fez talks about his feelings of love, unreciprocated love, unrequited love, infatuation, you name it. He produces a list of people he held feelings for in the past, just so Ron can see it and tell him he has “taste for shit” in crushes. Then he talks right through Fez Whatley in 2009 and begins talking to me in the middle of the night in March 2015 and I have to stop and put myself up for examination. Fez never told any of his crushes how he felt about them, and I did only when it was too late, out of desperation.


Ron: “Here is the weird thing: Not one of these people knows how Fez felt about them. All these people thought that they were, um. . . friends, buddies. . .”

Fez: “Never mentioned it.”

Ron: “All these people except for one are still very much in Fez’s life today, and still have no idea. And some of these go back decades.”

Fez: “That’s the irony of it.”

Ron: “. . .I think you’re an entertaining person, and only I know three of the four (people on this list). DULLEST people you’d ever meet in your life! Oh, you’re sicker than you thought.”


Ron: “You never even told any of those people. I mean, being rejected builds character. To just hang around for years on end, taking this something from someone without giving anything is the strange thing.”

Fez: “Well, I think I was, like, giving friendship-”

Ron: “That’s dishonesty. And we’ve talked about this many times. If I start to hang out (with a chick) and I had feelings for her and never told her, eventually that would be dishonest. In other words, (she would think) ‘I have a good buddy in Ronnie B’ and it would not be true. . . At a certain point, once you start to have these feelings. . . it doesn’t have to happen at that moment but you have to say to yourself ‘I have to tell this person where I’m coming from’. Particularly, um. . . Fez, when you saw that person, uh, being in other relationships, right? Did it kill you?”

Fez: “Uhm, yeah. Most of the time. Yeah, and a lot of the times, I still wasn’t you know, even being honest about that. You know, I thought it was just like ‘I can’t stand that person that they hang out with.”

Ron: “It’s hard to tiptoe around.”

Fez: “And that’s what I was doing then. A lot of tiptoeing.”


Pictured: Unusually good at tiptoeing for a big man.

Pictured: Unusually good at tiptoeing for a big man.

I have done a lot of tiptoeing around girls I had crushes on. Some of them I never told until it was far too late. Some I never told. I don’t have anything real. I might as well be Fez right now. Lonely, sad, asexual. Except for the gay thing I am Fez. I wear the same clothes over and over again. I bunker down and close myself off from people. I hide my true feelings. I am in a pit of despair. I’m on Youtube listening to a radio program from six years ago. Where am I in life?


In 2012, Fez Whatley came out of the closet on an episode of Ron & Fez. He is still a virgin, and has at least eleven stents in his body due to heart-related conditions.





A Nice Story

February 27th, 2015

Today I went to the eye doctor.


Wait, this story gets better. I promise.


The eye doctor’s assistant (nurse?) was a girl I went to school with and was a neighbor of mine. Her family lived down the hill from mine. Today was the first time I have seen her in a long time and she told me a story that I had long forgotten.


Once upon a time, her little brother was burning leaves close to the hill. A strong gust of wind blew some of the fire onto the hill bank, making the fire difficult to control for the youngster. It threatened to burn the hill up very fast and the youngster was struggling to put it out.


Who should come down to save the day and help put out the fire but my grandfather? From up on the hill, he saw smoke emanating down below and decided to check it out where he saw the kid struggling to contain the fire. Together they put the fire out and saved the hill from burning up. If that fire had reached up to the top it could have been a problem for the trailers that were up there.


My grandfather was a sweet man. He was kind and he moved fast to do the right thing. It was instinct and he instilled that in his children and grandkids. Doing the right thing.


That instinct kicked in again last week. I would tell you about what I did but that would be tooting my own horn. No need to brag about those sort of things. It doesn’t make me unique. Doing the right thing is not something I did for recognition. It was right and that justifies itself. I’m being vague on purpose. It’s alright.


I miss my grandpa. I teared up after the nurse left the room. The tears burned my eyes.

Hope For 2015?

December 30th, 2014

Uncertainty always gets to me. The potential for disaster is too great. However, uncertainty has an advantage over certainty and that is when you are certain of disaster ahead.


By the end of 2013 I was certain that 2014 would be horrible on as many levels as I could fathom. Now I stand (or sit, really) near the beginning of a new year and I am uncertain about what 2015 could bring. In some ways that is frightening. And yet it is a little refreshing. There is potential for greatness, happiness, hope, joy. I list those things as if they are on a grocery list, which goes to show you how little I comprehend greatness, happiness, hope, joy, etc. right now.


I want 2015 to be great. But I can’t do it alone. I don’t want it done for me. I just know that my ambition is greater than my ability. If I could pull off something fantastic, it would be impressive. I might have to become “we” and collaborate. That I am certain of, and for once certainty doesn’t intimidate me.

Now That I’ve Introduced Myself, What’s Next?

February 27th, 2011

It is time to set the agenda for


What is this place going to be? A clearing house for me and my ideas, rants, raves, reviews.


Actually, that sounds exactly like what the agenda should be. I guess we’re done here for now.


What do I want to accomplish with Isn’t it enough to “just want to do better?” I would h0pe so, but WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? What does it mean to “do better”?


I want this to be the place that my people come for updates about me and my many ventures. Also, I’d like to make some money. More money than I make now, which is not very much at the momentthanksfornothingGod.


I’d like to meet hot chicks that want to kick it with an awesome, mildly-socially-anxious writer-blogger-singer-announcer. Throw yourselves at me, don’t be ashamed. I won’t judge you to be sluts. You’re not sluts; you’re the farthest thing from slutty. You’re delivering to me a care package of vagina, and I will never talk down to or about you.


So in summary, I want to get laid and get paid, and I’d like people to attend events I’m working en masse. This is the American Dream, no matter where you go.


A mild correction: I want to get laid and get paid more. These are my hopes and dreams. Forget about long-term security.