Posts Tagged ‘Hillary Clinton’

Guest Column (& Note From The Doctor)

December 11th, 2016

Dr’s Note: Sometime about December 9, it was revealed that Russia had indeed interfered with the 2016 Presidential election. CIA intel had been reported to President Obama and reported in major news outlets throughout the country and world. 


The effect of this breaking news on’s namesake, Mike Farmer, has not been fully determined as of Sunday the 11th. For his safety and that of others, he is being contained in an observation unit in Daviess County. He is not allowed to use the Internet, unless of course he wants to watch pornography. Due to restricted access, he has been unable to write for this website. This is the first time in my years of medical service that I can remember any patient wanting to use the Internet for non-pornographic use. 


In lieu of Mr. Farmer’s absence from the website, here is a copy of a tweet-thread from Eric Garland (@ericgarland) discussing game theory in regards to Russia’s long play to destabilizing the American republic. What follows are Eric Garland’s words. Some pictures have been added for context and for feng shui. 


  • <THREAD> I’m now hearing this meme that says Obama, Clinton, et al. are doing nothing, just gave up. Guys. It’s time for some game theory.
  • ACTOR ANALYSIS: The Russians enter the Game with a broad objective, flexible tactics, and several acceptable outcomes.
  • Russian interests have been, for many years now, the subversion of Western institutions, principally NATO, but any will do.
  • This subversion can take many forms: driving wedges between US-Commonwealth-Euro intel cooperation, break up NATO, create chaos.
  • This game has been developing for many years, is asymmetrical, and much cheaper than building a decent aircraft carrier.
  • Plus, the Russians f**king rule at covert shit. Always have. Ask a cold warrior. Mucho respect for our adversaries. They do clever work!
  • Post-communism, they’re reduced to Drunk Uncle status in the global balance of power. Mouthy, smart, degraded, much reduced in stature.
  • Russians as *people* are civilized, artistic, enamored of brilliance and tragedy, and generally proud. And should be. They do not like this.
  • From this position launches an initiative from an old hand at the KGB, now solidified in influence: Subvert for the throat. Go big. Go hard.


  • While the West is frivolous and lazy and “Post-History,” the clever take advantage. And here begins our present story.
  • Let’s skip ahead to “Wikileaks.” BRILLIANT. Ingratiate the Left into this anti-establishment distrust of Western intel.
  • George W Bush and Dick Cheney being slovenly, reckless idiots, the moral authority of Iraq and US intel is nil. In step “journalists.”
  • Stealing hard drives from US intel and dumping them to foreign agents? That’s *snicker* “journalism!” FREE SPEECH! ROFLMAO.
  • Oh, and such grand characters, so well run: Manning, Greenwald. So righteous, yet fragile! And feisty! Try a Twitter war with Glenn!
  • OH YOU PHILISTINE, YOU JUST HATE JOURNALISM! *sigh* *swigs something strong* And Moscow must have been doubling over.
  • THEN, OMG, that worked so well that the pièce de résistance was next: SNOWDEN!!! BOOYAH! THE BIG GAME! NSA! PRISM! SPASM!
  • (incidentally, the NSA was about the only agency the Russians took seriously) But then this EARNEST young man. He tells THE TROOTH!
  • And still hungover from the rotten venality of the Iraq War and Bush’s perversion of the IC as reliable, Wikileaks journalisms the NSA!
  • DON’T YOU CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. HARD DRIVES FROM THE NSA IZ JOURNALISM! Even when you take the files to Brazil! Honest! Ask Glenn!
  • And then, automagically, our man Ed ends up…what’s this now? In Russia? Well, they are such welcoming folks! How…nice!
  • Langley and Fort Meade run out of bourbon in about three hours, and every intel guy in Russia is drunk, dancing on the desks, and LAFFING.
  • AND THE LEFT! HOLY F**KING ADORABLE BATMAN! Honi soit qui mal y pense! How dare you suggest untoward Russian involvement! Journamalisms!!!!
  • US intel snorts all of the Robotussin in the DC/MD/VA area. Putin calls Snowden “A weird guy.” LOLZ. Moving on to the current chapter.
  • MEANWHILE, AT THE FOX NATION FORUMS: The other part of this impressive op is percolating – the buttress of the Alt-Right.
  • ONCE UPON A TIME, Dan Rather chased Nixon around a room asking him questions VERY HARSHLY and the notion of the Evil Media Elite was born.
  • See, because Nixon got impeached, that meant the media was in on it! WaPo! NYT! Traitors! We look bad! And the media hate begins.
  • Never mind that to know something in Topeka, somebody’s gotta send you a newspaper or a radio signal or whatevs: The Media Is Lying.
  • Now, it’s true, high level journalists and editors don’t always see the world like Johnny Lunchpail in Missouri. True facts. But. Trouble.
  • Republicans decide to create a whole new layer of think tanks and media outlets in the 1980s dedicated to The Other Side.
  • The think tanks have a POV, but some are quite good, Cato in particular. Heritage came up with what’s now Obamacare. AEI…ehhh. 2 outta 3.
  • But then the media play comes in. The cranky insane tent pastors on AM radio get…a makeover. They become Legitimate. Embraced.
  • Magnates start investing in outlets. Brand new pundits get huge audiences yelling about The Way Things Ought to Be (for White People).
  • And it’s more successful than free chicken and beer. The money flows, the ratings swell. An Australian starts a TV network in the US.


  • What develops is an attractive, well-produced alternate universe. You no longer need an alternate take. You have alternate facts.
  • Al Gore mutters and bores his way out of a presidency in a race against a guy who spoke English like he learned it from Rosetta Stone.
  • And now, the stage is set for a metastasis of batshit nuttery, jingoism, and irrational autocratic fervor. A party becomes a cult.
  • September 11, 2001 occurs. A buncha guys are in DC who couldn’t wait to go to Iraq. And the right wing media is shiny and tuned-up.
  • We go kick a bunch of barbarian ass in Afghanistan, as well we should have. They were beating women and destroying Buddhas. F**k ’em.
  • But then, The Axis of Evil Speech. And all the analysts in DC I know collectively go, “Oh, fuuuuu…they’re not serious, are they?”
  • Bill Clinton spent most of his years pounding the living snot out of Hussein. Dude built anything funny lookin’, in came the rockets.
  • There was one concerning nation-state for most, and – hint – it’s in Asia. The other threat was non-state actors. *ahem* Which played out.
  • And now – *headdesk* – they’re going to Iraq. With bullshit intel. Goddamn it. GODDAMN IT. This is going to suck, said smart people.
  • And there’s the entire right-wing think tank and media machine blaring, careening, gloating. From the gov’t itself, and from every outlet.


  • And goddamn, did those media outlets sell a lot of ads for trucks, pain killers, pharmaceuticals and financial services. $$$$$$
  • Many earnest patriots also pointed out, hey, um, there apparently are no weapons that could have blown up Cleveland, so…
  • But now, this whole thing has morphed into tribalism. YES THEY DID TOO FIND WEAPONS OF MASS DEPRESSION AND YOU SUCK BUSH ROCKS PUSSY
  • Ann Coulter comes on TV to talk over B-roll of rusty munitions WE SOLD HUSSEIN and said, well look, there they are. Total. Propaganda.
  • America looks like shit. Our intel services take a helluva beating. Iraq’s invasion – which was basically unplanned – results in chaos.
  • Katrina. Bush. Looking out the window. Confused. Hey, but in intel news, the National Geospatial-Intel Agency helps critically.
  • 2008. The housing Ponzi we used to get out of the DotComBust-9/11-era recession has now gone pear-shaped. Utterly nuclear.
  • America’s banks, the one thing other than movies and video games we do reliably, all shit the bed simultaneously.
  • We then elect a cappuccino-colored president whose middle name is Hussein. The Right goes completely over the f**king cliff into insane.
  • This political movement happens when the only thing Obama has really said with conviction is “Fired up! Ready to go!” In late November 2008.
  • But ON GEORGE WASHINGTON’S GRAVE THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!!! And the entire right-wing media gets its next several years of revenue LOCKED.
  • Now, we’ve got a really, reaaaally fertile field in which former KGB agents can make a long play. And Moscow gets to work.
  • America’s at this weird nihilistic place, which is one thing for France and Russia, but NOT for earnest midwesterners who are agape.
  • Now the American Left has got some juice back again. But the Right is just apoplectic from pure suffering. Both are ripe for subversion.
  • The Left is out of love with American business and military-industrial, the Right foams at the mouth against legitimate government.
  • And the guys who have been twisting minds from Vladivostok to Havana and back get to work building an “alt” media structure.
  • We’ve already covered the genius of that who Wikileaks op on the Left. SCORE! Now for the perversion of the formerly nationalist Right.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THERE’S A BLACK DUDE IN THE WHITE HOUSE! LIVING THERE! It’s not hard to convince Southerners this is insane.
  • But put a little elbow grease in on some internet forums, and pretty soon you can have Northern John Adams-type conservatives, too.
  • A whole generation of disaffect Rush Limbaugh fans (WE LISTENED AND DITTOED SO HARD WHY IS THERE A BLACK DUDE THERE?) is ripe for picking.
  • In addition to alt-finance sites and “Russia Today” a new TV network, they start infiltrating “social media.”
  • Disclosure: Because I’m mouthy all the time like this, RT had me on as a guest. They prop up US “subversives.” And they don’t edit you!
  • Fun fact: Al Jazeera and RT just let me talk. US media almost always wants some hand in your final product before booking you. Ironic, no?
  • But from about 2009 to the 2016 election, a madness is being brewed and slowly poured down the throats of increasingly hysterical Americans.
  • When you imbibe from this potion, everything is awful and everyone official is lying to you. Only other members of the cult are with you!
  • US media, which is complicit in many of our problems, is portrayed for the extremists as conspiratorial liars. All the time.
  • Formerly sane members of US society start sounding like my schizophrenic grandfather, who said Government was keeping him from His Mission.
  • Only the Gubmint knew the Archangel Gabriel was sending him to find the next Jesus. So, cut it out, CIA! Stop it, Giant Conspiracy!
  • And then people you knew from Functional Daily Life started talking that way. People with car dealerships. Dentists. Regular folk.
  • They started with CONSPIRACY, especially after 2012, because DAMMIT NO THERE SHOULDN’T BE A BLACK DUDE TWO TERMS NOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO


  • A CABAL CALLED The Pentaveret: The Queen. The Pope. The Gettys. The Rothschilds. AND COLONEL SANDERS, BEFORE HE WENT TITS UP!
  • If you haven’t unfollowed by now, 1. You’re nuts and 2. Thank you for indulging my So I Married an Axe Murderer reference.
  • MOVING ON. The conspiratorial fever at about 108, we begin the 2016 election – AGAINST EVERYTHING HOLY – in 2015.
  • The Republicans debate over 712 times, discussing topics such as who hated Obamacare more, and who had a large penis. Jesus, that happened.
  • The Democrats all debate who’s going to get out of Hillary’s way first, except for VERMONT’S OWN BERNIE SANDERS, who…gets popular?
  • I’m from Vermont and have known Bernie forever, so I’m very surprised, but everyone kinda likes it. Hillary wins anyhow.
  • And now, the target for electoral mischief is enormous. Hillary is the most known quantity in America, with huge backstory.
  • Creating a conspiracy narrative around the Clintons is like creating a “southern” narrative around NASCAR and grits.
  • Now – with Trump as the non-conformist, not-like-all-the-other-rotten-conspiratorial-assholes paragon, the Russians go into overdrive.


  • The Russians didn’t create Trump – only New York City and American gullibility could have done that. But they’ve got a SWEETHEART outcome.
  • Trump – a moron – is probably unlikely to take the whole enchilada, but that’s perfect. If he gets close enough, he can cry UNFAIR! forever.
  • Amazing scenario for Russia – instead of RT, they get an institutional nihilist chowderhead with American credentials. They butter him up.
  • Hell, to hear many tell of it, they have kompromat on him. But anyhow, they invest in his stuff. He was there in 2013. They have a lever.
  • IF on the off chance, Trump actually (and who could guess this) wins, then…wow, they’ve got quite an opening.
  • Either way, on the run-up to Nov 2016, Russian involvement was as subtle as a fart in a spacesuit.
  • The U.S. IC had its hair on fire. This situation was incredibly dangerous. A paranoid U.S. faction backing a rogue with ties to Russia.
  • OK, Jesus, at LONG LAST, back to my initial premise. Why didn’t Obama and Clinton “do something?” JESUS, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
  • You come out and have the CIA enter the goddamn race for Clinton? True or not, we look like some weird cryptofascist state.
  • Or, you let the Russkis laugh and taunt and infiltrate Facebook with majillions of propaganda tales for idiots? Just let them run around?
  • Do you come out the day after this totally weird-smelling abomination of an election with all its technical difficulties?
  • Do you tell America the day after the election that Russia spearfished all of our think tanks in brazen fashion?
  • Hillary, for her part, gives a brief and all-too-calm speech and goes hiking. Probably the best move on the board.
  • Obama WELCOMES! Mr. Trump in an intense, welcoming welcome. To the White House. Mr. Big Winner Guy! Welcome! Fellow American!
  • Trump looks like he swallowed a goldfish and stares at the floor a bit too long. As if maybe a joke has gone too far.


  • In the next month, a small band of propagandists run in a circle and try to look like they’re forming a government. It’s ungainly.
  • And now, it’s December 11th. Trump says he don’t need no stinkin’ intel agencies. Russia (BWA HAHAHAHAAAA) blames Ukraine! LOLOLOLOLZZZ
  • A lot of Republicans stare into the middle distance, except for McCain and Graham who are NOT HAVING THIS SHIT. (I salute you, gentlemen.)
Not Graham or McCain

Not Graham or McCain

  • And here we are. Americans. Hopefully soon united. This isn’t a partisan issue. Obama isn’t late to the party. People are doing their jobs.
  • If you think any of this is easy, you’re ignorant and delusional. Tonight, though, I write to you with great hope.
  • This may be America’s finest hour, as we act together with unshakable resolve to deal with enemies foreign and domestic.
  • We have done so in the past and come out a stronger, more just, more pluralistic nation. We will do so now. And for me? Or die trying.
  • America is the steward of a genius system entrusted to flawed stewards whose descendants seem to act on the right side of history.
  • This system is not rotten, not beyond repair, not exiled from the future. We have been infiltrated by agents who would drive us mad.
  • This is a nation built on civilization, humanity, and reason, rejecting the febrile superstitions of the past. It must stand. And will.
  • We are at present in a place of danger where some of our fellow citizens have forgotten our most cherished values. We’ve been here before.
  • America, reluctantly but dutifully, recognizes its internal contradictions and failings. Slavery. Racism. Internment. Classism.
  • The genius documents that gave rise to noble American sentiments were themselves authored by those who failed them. (h/t @ Mr. Jefferson)
  • We spilled the blood of our brothers to resolve the contradictions of slavery and then abandoned the project while killing Indians.
  • Americans proclaimed the equality of all men while treating women as chattel and all non-whites as lesser. We are indeed hypocrites.
  • But to be American is to accept that unflinchingly and to soldier forth for future generations, and DO BETTER, GODDAMN IT.
  • There are those who would mire us in worldly cynicism, to anchor us in a world where our institutions betray forever, where values perish.
  • And to be American is to face that intellectual, moral, and spiritual assault with the unshakeable devotion to something more lofty.
  • And when that loftiness fails, as it so often does, to be American is to seize it again and again, knowing that our Creator desire Progress.
  • Progress can come from Traditionalists or Labor Unionists or mystics or musicians or doctors or Senators or journalists. All are exhorted.

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

  • The Progress demanded by our Creator can be achieved by immigrants and natives, skeptics and believers, the elite and the humble alike.
  • That is America. That is the promise that Americans oft ignore and which more cynical nations would defile for their own gain.
  • That America will last long after I have died, long after new people have picked the torch. Long after we betray it again, as we will.
  • But America will go on, even if by another name, unless all who have heard her name are extinguished. This is just the locus of promise.
  • America came from the olive groves of Italy and the shipyard of Plymouth and the islands of the Philippines. Indivisible.
  • America came from the Torah and Voltaire’s Candide and Adam Smith and zen koans and Greek mathematics and Rumi’s poetry.
  • America is all these things, and should yet another absolutist demagogue, foreign or domestic seize her, it will be far from the end.
  • Now is a time for patriots. It’s also Sunday afternoon. I’m gonna get a beer and watch football. God Bless America, and all nations.
  • </THREAD>


You Don’t Believe We’re Post-Truth, Do Ya?

November 18th, 2016

Really? Post-truth? We’re not doing that. You might think we are, but that’s not how we’re going to proceed from here on out. You know who thought facts were stupid things? Ronald Reagan, that’s who. Ronald Reagan is also dead as a doornail and has been since about 1983.


Facts and policy don’t matter as much as emotions and feelings about a subject. For example, the fact that Hillary Clinton was not in favor of partial birth abortions except in cases where the mother’s health was in danger and that she said as much was not as important to a segment to the population who just feels like she’s a horrible bitch and a baby killer who would shoot retarded babies on sight.


I will have facts on my side when I go to Thanksgiving dinner. It will come up. It has to come up. We’re all fucked. We’re staring at the abyss. Will it matter that I’ve actually read things and done research? Will it matter more than what my relatives believe about a thing? It may not to them but it will to me.


I’ve been informed that Ronald Reagan died in 2004 and not 1983. In fact, Ronald Reagan continued to serve as President beyond his death in 1983 all the way to 1989, when then-deceased George H.W. Bush succeeded him. I apologize for this error.


Stephen Colbert called it “truthiness”. Now it’s called post-truth. Like calling Internet tough guy neo-nazis/white nationalists “alt-right” suddenly puts a more positive spin on the subject. Truth is still important. It’s especially important because our next president (ugh) is someone who does not have the truth in him.


Buh-buh-buh but Hillary lied too. . . EVERYBODY FUCKING LIES. PICK SOMEONE WHO’S NOT TERRIBLE AT IT. And there are people who will say he won even the popular vote which is not true. Hillary Clinton is leading in the polls by 1.4 million as of the last check.


It has been confirmed by multiple sources that the Russians got involved with this election. To what extent is unknown and that is why we need an investigation. We need an audit of the ballots because it’s clear that this a serious problem. He’s going to appoint open racists to his cabinet. Nobody can stop him, no matter how much they rebuke him. But what they can do is open that investigation and make sure that the people did in fact vote in Donald Trump, and not a group of Russian hackers. Everything else is Chicken Little screaming until that is accomplished.



We Don’t Even Agree On What We See

November 13th, 2016


This is how the first Saturday Night Live after the election ended.


Kate McKinnon, dressed in her Hillary Clinton character costume, performing “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen who died this past week.


We don’t even agree on what we see. Trumpers will watch this video and see Hillary Clinton singing “Hallelujah” and complain that the media is still in the tank for Hillary.



Especially when coupled with McKinnon’s closing comment: “I’m not giving up and neither should you. . .” They will complain that the liberals should suck it up, get over it and move on, etc.




Trumpers (short for “trash humpers”) tend to be low-information voters based on their tendencies towards Facebook memes in lieu of actual information. They don’t think a lot. They don’t like journalists because journalists report things that go counter to what they feel and believe to be true.



There will be a time in the near future where I take Saturday Night Live and NBC to task for its normalization of Donald Trump. After all, he hosted an episode barely a year ago after he started his campaign and well after his comments about Mexican illegals (“they bring crime, they bring drugs. . . they’re rapists”) were part of the national conversation. But let’s take a moment and drink in Ms. McKinnon’s performance.


Because that was Kate McKinnon playing “Hallelujah”, not Hillary Clinton. I have to explain this for the few Trumpers who may read this. The uniform does not make the woman. Kate McKinnon, dressed as the most hated woman in US politics and cast member of “Ghostbusters”, the most hated reboot/remake on premise alone. An openly gay woman who avoids social media. And who could blame her? Her fellow cast member Leslie Jones was savaged on Twitter by a hivemind of shitheels operating under the guidance of somebody who had the temerity to name himself “Milo”. Leslie Jones was doxxed and naked photos of her were put on the web. Why? Because she was in “Ghostbusters”? Because she played one of the Ghostbusters? Because she had the nerve to tell these racists, these man-children, these alt-right white nationalist fucks to shove off  in so many words? Yes, yes and yes.


Hillary Clinton did not say “I’m not giving up and neither should you.” That was Kate McKinnon breaking character. The real Hillary Clinton is outta here. She’ll swim in cash like Scrooge McDuck for the rest of her life. There’s no telling how much shit Kate McKinnon has taken just for being herself and doing her job as a comedic actress. Kate McKinnon is telling the people who know her story that she is not giving up.


A Mother Jones article talks about the spike in suicide hotline calls from the LGBTQ community since Trump’s victory:


“We started getting increased call volume at about 10 p.m. on election night, and it hasn’t slowed down at all,” said Gretta Martela, director of Trans Hotline, on Thursday afternoon. “In fact, it’s on the rise still.” The hotline receives about 100 calls a day normally. In the 24 hours prior to speaking with Mother Jones, Martela said it had received 523 calls.


And this is the moment when I almost wish Kate McKinnon had performed the song without the Hillary garb. I get it from a creative sense as it is the end of that “character’s” SNL arc. But as I said Hillary is long gone and Donald Trump will be inaugurated in January. And that was an unforgettable moment, not from Hillary but from Kate to the people who needed to hear it most.


Shame I have to explain it to chowderheads.


(Update: Facebook comments were copied from the official SNL Facebook where the “Hallelujah” cold open video was posted.)

And In The End, Nobody Won

November 10th, 2016

So let’s recap. 2016 Election post-mortem.


Donald Trump “won” the Presidency. I put “won” in quotes because he will not enjoy his job as President. He is already not looking forward to this. Just look at him.

How long's that doctor gonna be, anyway?

How long’s that doctor gonna be, anyway?


Like he didn’t know that he would have to transition into the office with his predecessor. The guy who he spent the last six years lambasting, calling him a Muslim, saying he wasn’t born in America. Now he has to sit in a room with that guy. Now he has to do a minimal amount of work with Obama who will keep his head up as he has the entire eight years. Dignity and grace giving way to indecency and boorishness. I already miss Obama and he isn’t gone yet.


Melania Trump will be the First Lady. She does not want to be the First Lady. She wants to be. . . I don’t know but not the First Lady. If you think Don has a tough act to follow, think about this poor lady having to follow Michelle. And we’ve seen her naked because she was a model before she ever met Donald Trump. This will be the first time that’s ever happened. She did not sign up for to be the wife of a statesman. I kinda hope she files for divorce in the next four years. That would be classic.


On the bright side, for the first time since Barbara Bush we’ll have a First Lady we can easily masturbate to.


A lot of people are blaming Gary Johnson, Jill Stein and their voters for tipping the election in Trump’s favor. But you see it was a for a very good reason. If third-party candidates get at least five percent of the vote, they get federal funding for the next general election. So, how did that go?



Ooof, not quite. That’s a tough one. Not even when you put them together do you get five percent. That’s a real kick in the pants.


Let’s talk about Hillary. She won the popular vote. Look at that. Incredible how you can have the two most well-known celebrity candidates run and get even fewer votes than Obama and Romney did in 2012. Check the numbers. At least three million fewer voters in 2016.


But Hillary won, didn’t she? What does she have to do? She blocked Bernie out in the homestretch, minimized the impact of Bernie’s fanbase at the convention, had her friend Debbie Wasserman-Schultz do her dirty work for her. When Debbie fell on her sword, in walked Donna Brazile to carry on the game plan of letting the Republicans stoke white anger while making asses out of themselves and playing the wall.


I’ve seen this strategy play out numerous times in Kentucky. In 2010, Jack Conway (our attorney-general at the time) ran for US Senate against Rand Paul. Back then, Paul was just an eye doctor and the son of Ron Paul. It was Conway’s race to lose. So what happened? He lost it. Five years later, he ran for Governor against Matt Bevin. Another gimme for Conway in a state that rarely elects Republican governors, but somehow Bevin won. We are still dealing with this and the DNC’s inability to react to the changing political climate.


And even though more people in the country voted for Hillary Clinton, she didn’t win. So the majority didn’t get what they wanted. And even though the Republicans have the White House and both houses of Congress, they won’t get what they want because they will encounter the same gridlock they dealt out the last eight years to Obama.


So nobody got what they wanted out of this and the people who will suffer the most are the people of color and LGBTQ’s who are already being subject to harassment from bigots and trolls. Mexicans being told they’ll be sent back home. Blacks being called terrible names and black figures hung in effigy. Muslims being threatened, being called names, being attacked in some cases. Krystallnacht 2016.


So here we are. Heroes aren’t born. They’re cornered. And that’s how you find out what you’re made of.


The Calm

November 6th, 2016

One last Sunday before Election Day. The calm before. . . the storm? the flood? the apocalypse? Sunday is the Lord’s day and whether you believe in Him or not, this is as good as any time to rest because next week is going to be crazy.


As if the previous ten months haven’t been completely bizarre, I know. Death, destruction, the end of the Cold War and the sharp rise in tension between our country and Russia. It has been a year where we learned the difference between “the lesser of the two evils” and “six of one, half a dozen of the other”. It was easy to get those confused in the past. I would not throw out “evil” so easily but when one of the major candidates for President is endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan, has supporters in the FBI and is backed by the Russian government. . . how else can you put it? A Russian head-of-state with a mind to undermine the electoral process and the public’s faith in said process. It’s almost as if the most universally hated people decided to back Donald Trump. Roger Ailes, Martin Shkreli, Ann Coulter, David Duke, Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin.


For years, Glenn Beck was one of the most hated conservative voices. A kinder way to put it is that he is “divisive” because he has a fan base that allowed him to leave the platform of cable TV punditry to start his own media network. And he thinks Donald Trump is dangerous and unfit to be President.


But this was supposed to be about the calm. The calm, folks. Because something stupid is going to happen on Tuesday. I don’t know what it will be, and I’m pretty sure no one else does. We need the calm right now. A day of rest. Watching football. Listening to music. Laughing at the little things.


This is my white privilege at work. Because I will stroll into my voting place on Tuesday and vote. I will sign in and it will be a painless process, taking little to no time. I wasn’t one of the millions of Latino voters who stood in line for early voting last week. I will not have to stand in a long line. Voter suppression is a thing I don’t have to worry about. Because I’m white. I live in a predominately white part of the country. It isn’t fair for Latino or Black voters who are being disenfranchised by voter suppression efforts.


What has the patriarchy ever done for me? I want everybody else to get some of this good freedom. So I talk about the calm before the storm and while a guy in my situation is on shaky ground, I am far from in the worst position here. I don’t stand to have my rights rolled back based on my sexuality, gender or skin color. Nobody asks me for my immigration papers when I get pulled over.


I get a calm and other people don’t and that isn’t fair. I wanted to write about other things as a distraction but instead here we are. I was going to write about Hunter S. Thompson and how you many of his books you really need (three or four, tops). Maybe I would stray into the future of third-party presidential candidates (tl;dr version: a future of Evan McMullin-types who do well enough in one state to mess up elections for the two major parties).


Oh, and if you’re wondering what if any Thompson books you need, I’ll cut to that now. At most you need Hell’s Angels, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, and The Great Shark Hunt. If you want more, get Fear And Loathing ’72: On The Campaign Trail. You don’t need any more. You definitely do not need any of his fiction, like The Rum Diary. And you don’t need to see the movie with Johnny Depp. I say this as someone who has bought about ten of his books. I could have given that money to charity or saved it. Ooof.

The Unelectables

September 26th, 2016

What the fuck was that?


I’m sitting in my living room trying to decompress after the first presidential debate of 2016. And that’s the best I can come up with. What the fuck did I just see?


Without looking at any notes, let me see what I can recall off the top of my head. Big bullet point time.

  • Trump said Rosie O’Donnell deserved to the treatment he gave her during their public feud.
  • Clinton accused Trump of not paying federal income taxes and he admitted to it saying “That makes me smart.”
  • Trump mentioned being audited by the IRS for the last 15 years.
  • He got angry and said Clinton had been failing to deal with ISIS for her “entire adult life”. As if ISIS has been a thing that has gone on for decades.
  • Trump interrupted Clinton 40 times in the first 26 minutes (according to one statistic that I can’t recall).
  • Lester Holt (the moderator) corrected Trump about his stance on the war and quoting the Howard Stern interview from 2002, saying “On the record…” before Trump snarled “The record shows I am right!”
  • Clinton literally laughed at him when he said he had a better temperament than her. As did everyone else.
  • Trump mentioned his ten-year-old son having the Internet when asked about cyber security.
  • Clinton told him he lived in his own reality and he didn’t dispute it.
  • Trump said he would release his tax returns when Clinton released the 33,000 lost e-mails.
  • Clinton flip-flopped on TPP (big surprise).
  • Clinton: “I have lots of experience.” Trump: “Yeah, but bad experience.”
  • Trump said Clinton didn’t have the stamina to be President.
  • Trump had sniffles through the entire debate.


The sniffles. The fucking sniffles. That will be the big takeaway from this debate. Despite the blizzard of total bullshit that took place over nearly 100 minutes, the one thing we as a people will remember will be the goddamn sniffles. Hey, buddy, take an Afrin. Or don’t sniff coke before the big debate. Whatever, fuckin’ hell.


This is the best we could do? The nearly twenty months it takes to elect a President and these are the top two candidates. I understood Clinton was a favorite from jump, although I had hope for Bernie Sanders to sneak in and snatch the nomination from her. But Trump? That’s the best the Republicans could do? Really?


How the hell did you let this happen, GOP? This guy is the dirt worst. Was Mitt Romney too well read? Was John McCain too honorable? Was Chris Christie too fat? Your party is fucked, and so is the country but hey… I hope you had a few laughs and made some money while the getting was good.


In the marketplace of ideas, some people lick the storefront windows. One of them is a major candidate for President in our country.


What the fuck was that?


Tomorrow Belongs To Me

September 19th, 2016


Many books will be written about the 2016 presidential election. In that forthcoming mass of literature, hopefully something close to the truth will come out about how all of this came to be.


One thing is for certain and that is the Big Lie has been replaced by a Blizzard of Bullshit. The sheer amount of things Trump has lied about in this election cycle is staggering. What’s frightening is how little that seems to matter to his supporters. They are obstinate. They counterpunch on Hillary, her e-mails, her health, Benghazi. . . and only the most ardent of supporters (perhaps the Lena Dunham crowd) would say #ImWithHer unconditionally. I am realistic. No one in politics comes out of it clean. Trump isn’t even going in clean. Clinton has ice in her veins. She is a heavy-duty player.  A vote for Trump is a vote for total destabilization.


Can’t argue with Trump supporters. Might as well kick rain up a hillside. Now I have to talk to the Gary Johnson supporters. The Jill Stein supporters. Because unlike the Trump alt-right crowd, they aren’t instantly reflexive and lashing out. The problem with third-party presidential candidates is that the best they can do is play spoiler. Perot in 1992 and Nader in 2000 are the best examples. Third-party and independent candidates have done slightly better winning several seats in the US Senate and House and several state governor elections.


One of those was not Gary Johnson, who ran for Governor of New Mexico (and won) as a Republican. It’s fine that he became a Libertarian after all his success as a Republican (and a failed 2012 Presidential run as a Republican). Some people think its cool that he’s in favor of legalizing marijuana, but to be fair he’s the CEO of a medical marijuana firm so go figure he would think that. At best, he’s setting the table for a future Senator campaign on the Libertarian ticket. At worst, he’s grandstanding.


And Jill Stein? I don’t know anybody who’s thinking of voting for Jill Stein, but I’m sure they are out there. I don’t know what to tell you.


I want viable third and fourth party options as much as anyone. But they’re not going to be viable this way. A lot of fly-by-night third-parties have had their day in the sun. If you don’t believe me ask Ross Perot’s Reform Party. Third parties and independent candidates can do far more on a local level with coordinated effort than with what little resources they have spread thin on a nationwide campaign. The Libertarian Party has a $3 million budget for Johnson’s campaign. That’s roughly the same amount of money Donald Trump spends on toilet paper (horrible IBS).