Posts Tagged ‘gun control’

Things You’ll Need For 2017

December 24th, 2016

  • Some Nazi paraphernalia. Since we’re officially Amerikkka now, you might as well have some racist bric-a-brac around the house in case the guards come to check on you (or if your landlord is a GOP fundamentalist snitch). You could get a rebel flag instead but I suggest you go all out. Maybe an old WWII war helmet from the losing side. Just pull an Anthony Cumia and tell people that you’re “a fan of the era”. Yes, a fan of the era where millions died in camps. Great era, that.
  • A passport. If you’re a Kentuckian like me, pretty soon your state-issued driver’s licenses will not be good enough to board domestic flights in the US. You’ll need a passport to get on planes starting in 2018. Also, there’s always a chance Texas and/or California could declare independence from the rest of the country. Who am I kidding? Most Kentuckians never get on a plane. Why would they need a passport?
  • A bartender’s license. The only people who will get any work going forward will be the lawyers and the bartenders. It takes too long to get a law degree and passing the bar is nigh impossible. Become a bartender. And never get high on your own supply (that means drunk).
  • Some weapons. If you’re not a gun person, don’t get a gun. You can’t handle the pressure. Get some mace. It’s not just for chicks anymore. Hell, get yourself a switchblade. You’ve already got Nazi paraphernalia. Don’t get throwing stars. You’ll lose them after one use. And if you really want to, get yourself a nice gun.
  • A lot of money. The best way to make change in the United States is to donate to political campaigns. When your candidate wins, they have to listen to you. Who else are they going to listen to? The public? Ha! We’re talking serious money here. George Soros money. Mike Bloomberg money. Koch Brothers cash. None of this reality TV/pop singer new money. Here today, gone tomorrow! The Trump Administration cabinet has so much money, it’s practically an Ocean’s Eleven reboot full of near-elderly jerkoffs. You need to be one of those jerkoffs with more money than you can count.

Don’t Be A Dick

July 8th, 2016

“At this point I have a request for our fans. If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us – leave us the fuck alone! Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.”

Kurt Cobain, Incesticide liner notes

 

I used to think this was a righteous position to take. Of course, when I read the liner notes to Nirvana’s Incesticide I was fifteen. So some of the things I thought then may not have been totally right.

 

In the last twenty five years, I have become a musician myself. I joined up with a band and we play shows from time. And although my band has nothing in common with Nirvana, in sound or in size of audience, most people will agree that we sound like their first demo tape which was called Fecal Matter.

 

So I’d like to take this opportunity to invite everyone to any shows that I perform at. Gays and homophobes. Racists of all colors, racists against all colors, music lovers of all colors. Women and the men who hate them and the women who hate themselves. People who are intolerant of a certain religion or all religions, as well as people who worship under the banner of those religions. . . you are all invited to my shows. Man and woman, hater and lover, one and all. You’re all welcome.

 

I’ll tell you why I write this. Because rather than tell haters, racists, and phobes to keep out I would prefer it if we all actually acquainted and rubbed elbows. If you’re racists against blacks, for example, and you make a black friend at a show you may say “they’re one of the good ones”. Then you meet a few more and then you think the same thing until you’ve made so many black friends you start to think “wow, I’ve been thinking about this all wrong, I don’t know too many bad black people. All the blacks I know are as bitchin’ as a motorcycle handjob!”

 

I don’t know if motorcycle handjobs are a thing.

 

Let’s try meeting each other and giving that a shot for a while instead of bitching about each other on Facebook and Twitter. I only have a few basic rules for coming to my gigs: don’t be a dick and leave your guns at home. Thank you in advance.

Gunsplaining

June 14th, 2016

Wow. What a horrible weekend, eh?

 

I wrote the last post in the immediate aftermath of the Orlando gay nightclub shooting. The one about Zandig, the ultraviolent hardcore wrestler. It was a weird thing to write at a weird time to be awake. And a horrible moment.

 

Fifty dead, over fifty wounded in an Orlando, Florida gay nightclub. It was not a paramilitary group. It was not a Seal Team one would use to take out Osama Bin Laden. It was one (1) person. One (1) private citizen carrying a Sig Sauer MCX rifle.

 

Anything that can take down that many people that quickly is too powerful. It does not belong on the market. At least 100 direct victims of this senseless tragedy and even more relatives and friends affected by one person’s attack.

 

I spent Sunday away from the computer and the Internet (yes, I capitalize like one might capitalize “TV” or “God”). It was a real good idea to do that. I spent some time with my band practicing. I got an eye exam. I went to a concert in Bowling Green. Some of the people I hung out with at the concert happened to be a lesbian couple and I volunteered my band to play their wedding reception in the fall. I’ll be glad to do that. They are my friends.

 

I have friends in the LGBT community. I’ll stop bragging now. The Orlando attack was a specific attack on people in that community in a place that they congregate. Every one of them innocent.

 

For me, two major takeaways from the Orlando attack. We need to do more to protect the rights of our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community. We need to do away with the type of weaponry that can cause one person to kill fifty and wound fifty more by the time the cops arrive to shoot him down.

 

gunsplaining

There is so much more to say but I’ve coined a new phrase: “Gunsplaining”. This happens when gun owners show up on social media to correct people who are hysterical about the latest mass shooting/massacre. “Assault/automatic weapons are already illegal.” “That gun is not an automatic weapon. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s like mansplaining, but for guns. Feel free to spread it around. It’s safer than rapid gunfire.

Tennessee End-Times Prophecy

October 1st, 2015

The world keeps on turning. Comforting, right? Some of you may think the world is spinning into a chaotic hellscape.

 

A few years ago, Technology Vs. Horse was playing a gig in Greenbriar, Tennessee. We hated it but the owner of the place really liked us and kept having us back. The kids tended to not like us all that much. I think the guy tried to help us out and expose these kids to something different at the same time but in the end it didn’t work. Can’t fault a guy for trying.

 

One night in Greenbriar, I sat in the coffeehouse part of the club and listened to the band before us playing. They were a high school band of metalheads. Whatever the vogue style of metal/core/etc was in 2005, these kids were playing it even though it was now 2008 or so. I want to bust on them but I can’t be too mean. Information travels faster nowadays. I’m just happy local bands aren’t wearing skinny ties and trying to be the Knack. Anyway, the singer of this kid goes on the subject of the upcoming Presidential election and said (I’m paraphrasing) “I do believe the end times are coming”, which in his scared rural mind meant that Obama was a doombringer of massive proportions.

 

That kid couldn’t not have been old enough to buy cigarettes and yet he had already subscribed to the end times notions. “I don’t understand the world and it’s changing and that scares me, therefore we must be coming to the end of the world.” Which eventually will happen, the end of the world. Eventually, the sun will burn out and life on our planet will struggle to a halt. If any of the current Presidential candidates are capable of killing off the sun, please let me know in the comments.

 

I know it’s comforting to think about how great the past was. When the current Daft Punk album was Homework instead of Random Access Memories. When Zappa and Kurt Cobain were still alive. When you had to buy CDs for $18.99 plus tax and didn’t have to spend ten hours downloading updates to Super Mario Bros 3 before playing it.

 

Being young is fun. Youth is great. It’s not wasted on the young. Whoever said youth is wasted on the young was a bitter prick.

 

I just looked it up. George Bernard Shaw said that. Of course, he never got to play Pong, Oregon Trail or even Uno. His youth had to be terrible. He was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1856. If he had heard “Good Vibrations” in his teens, he would never have written Pygmalion.

 

I feel bad for the young people who are already afraid. That kid in Greenbriar, as much dumbness as he spewed, had no idea how good he had it at that point. All his high school friends and hangers-on had packed the coffeehouse to see his band. That guy is probably in his mid-20s working in a factory or on a drug habit. His best years have been taken from him. 9/11 Al Qaeda Osama Freedom Fries Fuck the Dixie Chicks ISIS Muslim Terrorism FEAR FEAR BE SCARED Annie Get Your Gun Be Afraid Don’t Blame Me I Voted For Bush/McCain/Romney/Nobama Help HELP HELP Tea Party Mass Shootings Blacklivesmatteractuallyalllivesmatter. Yesallwomennotallmen WHEN WILL IT END and no one knows.

 

As I write this, another mass shooting has taken place at a community college in Oregon. So maybe the kid had a point.