Posts Tagged ‘golden showers’

Just Relax And Enjoy It

March 19th, 2017

A long time ago, a politician in Texas once remarked that rape was like a hurricane and “if it’s inevitable, just relax and enjoy it”. His name was Clayton Williams, and he was running for Governor at the time. It was 1990, and he had a sizable lead over his opponent Ann Richards. The remarks led to backlash against Williams, as did allegations that he had visited a brothel while in college. On election day, Williams was toast, his lead in the polls evaporated and he crawled back into the world of oil, natural gas, philanthropy, and political fundraising.

 

Clayton Williams would have been perfect for 2017 politics. Went to a brothel, joked about victims enjoying rape? That would get him on the bill at CPAC. Maybe even as keynote speaker.

 

I’ve had a difficult time with all this. I need to be protected from rich people who think I’m a drain on society. Take a moment or two and read the New Yorker story about the connection between Trump, Steve Bannon and the Mercer family. The piece focuses mostly on the Mercer family, especially patriarch Robert. He is a billionaire kook. What do I mean by kook: he thinks that most Americans won’t be negatively affected by nuclear war. Oh, there might be a few deaths but mainly people will be just fine and it might even strengthen people. Like maybe even people might grow an immunity to nuclear exposure or something.

 

Jesus, lord. . .

 

Here we are, caught in a perfect storm. Living in a surreal nightmare that has been years in the making. While we go about our daily business, weirdos form think tanks and spend money to make things happen that will affect the quality of our lives. Then you find out about them and their worldview and you realize that they are fucking twisted and their thoughts are anti-social. Imagine the guy on the subway who touches himself while staring at women, shooting upskirt videos on his phone of unsuspecting women while walking up and down busy streets. Take that pervert, give him two billion dollars. What’s his worldview like? If he wanted to influence American policy, how would he try to do it?

 

The only way, the only fucking way, this Trump thing could ever have worked is if Trump had the very best and the very brightest people working in his administration and he listened to them. He doesn’t and he doesn’t. His chief strategist is a magazine editor/self-proclaimed Leninist who wants to dismantle the state and who’s favorite book is an incredibly racist French novel about Europe beating back a swarm of Muslim immigrants lead by a shit eater.

 

HOW MANY LENINISTS MAKE $750,000 A YEAR ANYWAY?

 

The sheer amount of lunatics, racists, kooks and incompetents in this cabinet are staggering. They got there by patronage, paying their way in. They bought a ticket and are taking a ride. You better believe the Mercer family have a seat at the table, even if they’re not in any official position. The weirdness is staggering. And it trickles down to the Congress, a Republican-led quagmire. More and more we’re seeing the veneer of normalcy flake away. Clayton Williams was a stone-cold prophet. Now we’re starting to see the freak flag fly, and not in a good way.

 

 

Kompromat, Or Pissgate

January 11th, 2017

Today’s youth has more potential than mine did. They have more access to news and information than we did.

 

Have you ever resented the previous generation for what it did the world it was about to hand to you? I have, and some ways I still do because they haven’t let go of control.

 

I needed the Trump news from last night. The kompromat. The Russian hookers pissing on a bed that the Obamas had once slept in. You can just feel the Jack Nicholson “Partyman” vibe of the whole thing once Trump is actually in office. I laughed all night about it. I wanted to tell my mom but I couldn’t. I’m her son. Golden showers are not the kind of things a son should talk about to his mama. Family values, folks.

 

The piss story is probably a red herring in a dossier of easier-to-verify intelligence reports meant to embarrass and anger Trump. Which is exactly what it did. Trump is the touchiest little baby boy President we ever had in our lives. Anything can send him into a tizzy. Meryl Streep. Alec Baldwin, anything. . . except Vlad Putin, apparently. That guy’s untouchable. Trump attacks, attacks, attacks and when anybody even broaches insulting and condemning his actions. . . well, then Katie bar the door, as one might say.

 

I watched the Trump press conference today. What a buildup. He hadn’t held one since July. He walked away from the podium like he’d been through a battle. His nerves looked shot. He looked tired and breathed heavily. He is not physically or emotionally up for the task of being President.

 

I seem to remember about eight years ago there was a rumor about Obama that he smoked crack and had oral sex with some guy in Gurney, Illinois before he was in the Senate. Did that ever rattle Obama? Not like this. The birth certificate thing, which Trump harped on for years, never rattled Obama like this. But the Republicans and the tea party and the racists and the crazies latched onto anything they could, not matter how tenuous it seemed.

 

I’m gonna miss Obama when he’s not in office. At least he wasn’t a golden shower loving freak-a-zoid with a bad heart with his balls in Russia’s purse. Chin music, kids.

 

I now feel like I’m writing these for the survivors who create the next civilization after Trump blows it up this year. I’m sorry, if you’re reading this years from now. I tried. 65 million people tried.