Posts Tagged ‘gay’

We Don’t Even Agree On What We See

November 13th, 2016

 

This is how the first Saturday Night Live after the election ended.

 

Kate McKinnon, dressed in her Hillary Clinton character costume, performing “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen who died this past week.

 

We don’t even agree on what we see. Trumpers will watch this video and see Hillary Clinton singing “Hallelujah” and complain that the media is still in the tank for Hillary.

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Especially when coupled with McKinnon’s closing comment: “I’m not giving up and neither should you. . .” They will complain that the liberals should suck it up, get over it and move on, etc.

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Trumpers (short for “trash humpers”) tend to be low-information voters based on their tendencies towards Facebook memes in lieu of actual information. They don’t think a lot. They don’t like journalists because journalists report things that go counter to what they feel and believe to be true.

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There will be a time in the near future where I take Saturday Night Live and NBC to task for its normalization of Donald Trump. After all, he hosted an episode barely a year ago after he started his campaign and well after his comments about Mexican illegals (“they bring crime, they bring drugs. . . they’re rapists”) were part of the national conversation. But let’s take a moment and drink in Ms. McKinnon’s performance.

 

Because that was Kate McKinnon playing “Hallelujah”, not Hillary Clinton. I have to explain this for the few Trumpers who may read this. The uniform does not make the woman. Kate McKinnon, dressed as the most hated woman in US politics and cast member of “Ghostbusters”, the most hated reboot/remake on premise alone. An openly gay woman who avoids social media. And who could blame her? Her fellow cast member Leslie Jones was savaged on Twitter by a hivemind of shitheels operating under the guidance of somebody who had the temerity to name himself “Milo”. Leslie Jones was doxxed and naked photos of her were put on the web. Why? Because she was in “Ghostbusters”? Because she played one of the Ghostbusters? Because she had the nerve to tell these racists, these man-children, these alt-right white nationalist fucks to shove off  in so many words? Yes, yes and yes.

 

Hillary Clinton did not say “I’m not giving up and neither should you.” That was Kate McKinnon breaking character. The real Hillary Clinton is outta here. She’ll swim in cash like Scrooge McDuck for the rest of her life. There’s no telling how much shit Kate McKinnon has taken just for being herself and doing her job as a comedic actress. Kate McKinnon is telling the people who know her story that she is not giving up.

 

A Mother Jones article talks about the spike in suicide hotline calls from the LGBTQ community since Trump’s victory:

 

“We started getting increased call volume at about 10 p.m. on election night, and it hasn’t slowed down at all,” said Gretta Martela, director of Trans Hotline, on Thursday afternoon. “In fact, it’s on the rise still.” The hotline receives about 100 calls a day normally. In the 24 hours prior to speaking with Mother Jones, Martela said it had received 523 calls.

 

And this is the moment when I almost wish Kate McKinnon had performed the song without the Hillary garb. I get it from a creative sense as it is the end of that “character’s” SNL arc. But as I said Hillary is long gone and Donald Trump will be inaugurated in January. And that was an unforgettable moment, not from Hillary but from Kate to the people who needed to hear it most.

 

Shame I have to explain it to chowderheads.

 

(Update: Facebook comments were copied from the official SNL Facebook where the “Hallelujah” cold open video was posted.)

Have A Gay Day

June 26th, 2015

This afternoon, the Supreme Court of the U.S. ruled in a 5-4 decision that the men can marry the men and the women can marry the women.

 

In the fifties, the American Psychiatric Association listed homosexuality as a mental disorder. The Stonewall Riots took place in New York City in 1969. It took forty-six more years for gays to get the right to be married. It took until 1973 for the APA to declare that homosexuality was not a mental disorder.

 

In 1980, Freddie Mercury was carried onstage on the shoulders of Darth Vader. This sign of their unspoken love is ignored by the public. In 1980, Freddie and Vader could not marry. Tragically, they both died young as Vader was killed in 1983 and Freddie passed away from AIDS eight years later.

 

In the 90s, President Clinton signed into law the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, barring openly gay people from serving in the military. Over twenty years later, and four years after this policy was suspended, President Clinton’s wife Hillary is running for President.

 

 

That woman does not have a sincere bone in her body.  She will likely be the Democratic candidate for President in 2016.

 

Bitch.

But Is It Gay?

September 11th, 2013

 

I asked a very important question in the realm of male sexuality to St. Bradford. Go watch it. It’s funny. You’re welcome.

A Straight Man’s Guide To Gay Chicago

July 31st, 2013

CAUTION: I haven’t been to Chicago in five years. Also, I don’t really know the city that well. With that in mind, here we go.

 

MEETING PLACES: Wrigley Field, US Cellular Field, Soldier Field.

Wrigley Field is where the Chicago Cubs play their home games between April and September. US Cellular Field is where the Chicago White Sox play their home games between April and September. Soldier Field is where the Chicago Bears play their home games between September and December.

 

Men go to these places. A lot of men. The odds would dictate that some of them have to be gay. Be forewarned, as these are not gay meeting places but venues for sporting events.

 

DID YOU KNOW: There is nowhere in Chicago for gay men to watch sports between the months of January and April.

 

NIGHTLIFE: WGN is based out of Chicago. Stay in and watch WGN. If you seek companionship, start an online dating profile.  Skype with potential dates instead of actually meeting them.

 

CHICAGO’S IMPROV COMEDY SCENE: Avoid it.

 

WEATHER: Chicago is known as “The Windy City” for the strong gusts of wind that sweep in off Lake Michigan. It gets so windy that many residents put on bulk mass just to stay upright while walking down the street. Fans of the so-called “twink” body-type will be disappointed at the few-and-far-between slender gays who don’t waddle mid-stride. On the bright side, there are a lot of Chicago “bears”.

 

FOR HOOKUPS WITH STRANGERS: The Tribune Tower, home of the Chicago Tribune. This thirty-six floor building once held the empire of one of the largest newspapers in the country. Today it is an abandoned settlement with plenty of room for anonymous erotic escapades. Why, you can even get bent over a chair that Gene Siskel used to write film reviews in!

 

DINING: Kraft Foods is headquartered in a Chicago suburb. Some foods well known in the gay subculture are produced and manufactured by Kraft, including Capri Sun, Jell-O, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Velveeta, and of course Kraft brand cheese and mayos. If you don’t want to go to the store, go to Kraft HQ.

 

 

I Went To A Drag Show

November 5th, 2012

Saturday night, I went to a drag show in Bowling Green. This was not my typical scene, but I went anyway. I went by myself, and I knew probably four people at the club. So this predominantly gay-attended event ended up being a lot like the events that I go to that are attended by mostly straight patrons. I was out of place and didn’t talk to too many people.

 

I noticed that the club was too dark for me to really be sure if the girls in the crowd were girls or guys impersonating girls. Seems like it would be a problem in regards to flirting, especially if the element of surprise bothers you. I was a fly on the wall, a very heavy fly. And this is my report on what I saw at the drag show.

 

There were drag queens and drag kings (women impersonating men). One of the drag kings did a lip-sync to R. Kelly’s “Ignition” remix. My personal favorite performance based on song choice.

 

One of the drag queens lip-synched “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston. This was actually a really moving moment for me, so much that I wanted to just grab the nearest girl and kiss her. Odds were fair that I would have ended up grabbing a lesbian had I done that. You can’t be sure these days.

 

I saw a guy who looked like Dwayne Wayne from A Different World follow around a muscular security guard like a puppy dog. Seriously, this guy only needed the flip glasses to complete the look.

 

One of the drag queens did some gymnastics in her routine, including three backflips in a row. Especially impressive considering how the stage was roughly the size of a sheet of postage stamps. Another drag queen lip-synched to a Gwen Stefani song and dressed up like Gwen but I pretended that she looked like Three’s Company-era Suzanne Somers because that’s what gets my boner moving.

 

I saw a gay guy grab a girl’s pussy like he was at Wal-Mart browsing, “Oh, I don’t need this.” I assume they knew each other and were friends. I don’t see guys grab their girlfriends’ pussies in public the way this guy did. I’ve also never seen a dude be a cocktease to a chick before. This might have been the first time.

 

The club was PACKED like an ass full of cock for this show. I couldn’t even get close to the stage to tip the performers. I sat near the back and watched as two girls danced with each other and got low like they were on Spring Break. It was funny to see people come in who weren’t there for the drag show and then they left because it was too weird. “Yeah, just got back from Iraq, serving my country. The boys are taking me to the Twisted Tap for some drinks. No cover, sweet. . . wait, what the hell is going on here? Mark, finish your beer. We gotta go!”

Chick-Fil-A STFU!

February 14th, 2012

Much has been made of Chick-Fil-A’s giving $2 million to anti-gay groups in 2009, or I can assume much has been made of it since I see links about it from time to time on my Facebook wall. I use my Facebook wall as a barometer for what people give a shit about. And people really give a shit about the gays, apparently. Some are so mad at Chick-Fil-A they don’t eat there any more. I support that, even if I never ate their to begin with. Not for political reasons, I just never found it appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I like chicken sandwiches. But Chick-Fil-A commercials make me not want to go anywhere near one of their restaurants. What, with the cows holding signs that say “EAT MOR CHIKIN” (see because cows are dumb and can’t spell right).

 

 

The way I see it. . . this is kinda like when Hollywood actors like George Clooney or Sean Penn endorse a political cause or candidate. You don’t give a damn what they think, do you? One of them was Batman in a movie and the other was to married Madonna, the hell do we care about their opinions on Africa or Haiti. Even their biggest fans want them to STFU.

 

Which is what everyone oughta be telling Chick-Fil-A: STFU. Proponents of gay rights and Christian conservatives should actually band together for once and tell them to STFU. Dude, you make chicken sandwiches. Like we give a damn about what you think about anything other than how to make chicken taste better. Same with Clooney, Pitt, et al. I cannot take this dude seriously because he was in I am Sam. No, wait. He was Sam.

You Can’t Be Helped: Loving A Mariner

April 16th, 2011

Michelle asks this question on Yahoo Answers about the end of her relationship:

 

Why mariners can’t have a normal relationship?
I’ve been with this guy for almost one year. He said , before he will go on ship, he will set me free.Now, he will go on ship and he told me to forget him.Why did he continue this relationship ,even if he knew we will break up?Do they have net or phone service on ship?He promised me an amazing future with him and now he tells me to forget him (because he doesn’t want me to spend my life waiting for him).How’s that?I sent to him 3 mails but he didn’t answer. He wants me to hate him.He’s acting like a child,like he’s afraid talking to me on messenger.What should I do?Please help ! 🙁

 

Dear sweet Michelle,

 

Here’s some very sad news. Please sit down for what I am about to tell you. The life of a mariner (or sailor) is very different from the life of a civilian. Oh, boy, the nautical lifers have a code and subculture that people who sleep on solid ground can’t or don’t want to understand.

 

Today’s merchant ships are equipped with many of the technological upgrades that we have come to depend on in normal life. E-mail, cellphones, Skype, etc. There is no reason why you would not be able to communicate with your loved one from that standpoint. Shoot, you might even be able to get a telegraph to him if you really had to.

 

Have you ever heard of the term “in the barrel,” Michelle? I’ll be glad to post this note on “in the barrel” from the good people at Urban Dictionary. This particular definition has 469 likes and 27 dislikes, so it’s safe to assume this is an accepted colloquialism.

 

A phrase taken from a popular joke. To say someone is “in the barrel” or “taking a turn in the barrel” means it’s their turn to do an unpleasant task or to suffer an unpleasant experience. The joke is as follows:
A sailor on a Navy ship had been out to sea for weeks, and was beginning to go through sex withdrawals. Fed up with the lack of sex, he asked one of his shipmates what he did when the pressure was too much to take. “Well, there’s a barrel with a hole in it near the mop storage. When it gets to be too much for us, we use that.”

So the sailor went over to the barrel and decided to give it a go. Finding it was better than he’d expected, he began using it regularly, and his problems seemed to vanish.

After a couple of weeks, his commanding officer began to take notice, and said, “You seem to be a lot more relaxed. What’s your secret?”

The sailor, embarrassed to give a straight answer, simply said he’d been getting better rest.

“Well good, sailor. You’re going to need it,” replied the officer. “Today’s your turn in the barrel.”

 

Now, sweet naive Michelle, picture your boyfriend alone at sea. Alone with his pent-up sexual needs. Picture him getting his rocks off in front of a barrel with a hole in it. Then imagine him inside the barrel. Then perhaps you can understand why he can never come back to you. Because of all the ritual sodomy that occurs between men at sea.

 

How can this man expect you to jump into his loving arms upon docking in the harbor when the memory of widespread shipmate fraternization is on his conscience? How can he embrace you in earnest when he has made love to all those sailors with his mouth? This is why he broke up with you.

 

But why, Michelle? Why would he even date you in the first place if he knew it would end this way? Why go through the trouble of creating love only to end it so abruptly? Well, dear sweet Michelle, it is because he craves companionship much like any other person, whether on land or on the high seas. The mariner’s life is his, probably for a very long time, and there’s no reason to subject such a beautiful spirit such as yourself to the dark, seedy underbelly of sea life.  Especially not for the rest of your life.

 

You should be dating Tiger Woods. At least he’ll cheat on you with women.