May 28th, 2014
Long Title: Things You Can Do Instead Of Shooting People Because They Won’t Have Sex With You Or Whatever Totally Valid, Reasonable Excuse You Have (Sure). . . a partial list.
1. Go to Japan.
2. Make and eat a sandwich.
3. Adopt a cat.
4. Abandon the cat you just adopted (j/k)
5. Take pictures of your adopted cat in funny costumes.
6. Run the can opener for a while.
7. Consider the feelings of others.
9. Talk about going to Burning Man, but not actually go to Burning Man.
10. Wait for the next census form.
11. Massage your temples.
12. Make up mean nicknames for people you don’t like.
13. Make racist comments online then be surprised when they are traced back to you.
14. Stop to smell some roses.
15. Start a podcast.
16. Close your podcast because of backlash due to your racist commentary.
17. Explain your personal philosophy via Youtube comments.
18. Type in all caps. LIKE THIS.
19. Develop a blood clot.
20. Wear an oversized cowboy hat and call yourself “Tex”.
21. Try to develop compassion and empathy.
22. Attempt to take the long view.
23. Wonder about how other people are affected by you and your decisions.
24. Remember that you are not the center of the Universe, but you can tear a hole in it with destruction.