Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Is This The End Of The World?

April 14th, 2017

If you have been paying any attention to the situation between the United States and North Korea, you would know that tension is high, and leaders from both countries seem too eager to START with a nuclear bomb.


I am going to note some of my thoughts and feelings at this strange time in the world. I don’t even feel like I’m writing for anyone in 2017. If the nukes get dropped and a lot of us die, I want to talk about what I was dealing with at the point it happened. I’m writing this for some survivor years from now, or the next generation or later.


I am a thirty-nine year-old man from Kentucky. I have things I want to do before I die. I have goals and dreams and aspirations. I live in a small apartment. Right now, my grandmother is staying with me until she gets approved for her new apartment. She hopes to get into a building complex for elderly people. It may take up to two more weeks, she has been with me for three weeks already. Although she doesn’t mean to, sometimes she gets on my nerves. She means well and she worries a lot. We don’t worry about the same things.


I wish I could be with a girl I care very much for but she has a boyfriend. Maybe its for the best, especially for her. Maybe my life is a labyrinth that people should be warned against nearing. Even killer whales mate, don’t they?


I hated the circumstances that led us to this moment in time. It seems so preventable now that I type about it. Somebody should have done something to stop all this from happening. Eventually, all of us end up in the meat grinder of the industrial complex. Some people don’t know and some don’t mind so much. Some people do know and mind very much and they fight back.


I truly hope that Trump is taken out of power before he gets us into a nuclear war. He has been in office less than 100 days. He doesn’t know how to de-escalate a problem. No one in North Korea is going to put a check on their dictator. It’s up to us in the US. Two idiots at a standstill willing to blow up the world over a pissing contest. It would be funny if it weren’t so depressing and plausible.


I don’t want to write anymore today. It hurts to think about this too long.

Default Position

April 10th, 2017

I didn’t realize fascism was the default fallback position for so many. That was very naive on my part. Trump bombs a Syrian airstrip and the media which has been so quick to criticize him and investigate his potential ties to the Russian government practically lather themselves into a collective orgasm over it. He gained a few points in an approval poll, now sitting at 40% and all he had to do was drop $100 million worth of bombs.


Did you know it would cost a little over $50 million to fix the water situation in Flint, Michigan? Did you know that the Syrians used that airstrip the day after the bombing? Did you know that the Russians (who are Syrian allies) were warned in advance about the bombing? Would you believe that the Russians in turn tipped off the Syrians?


The mainstream media went out of its way to fellate Trump for his impulsive, ineffective and potentially illegal bombing. Trump finally became President (again), we were told.


The main takeaway of fascism is to pray that you won’t be singled out by authority. Pray you won’t be singled out by police looking to work out on someone. Pray you won’t be asked to de-board an oversold plane and forced off by armed security. It’s the armed security state, and the security is not for you. They do not serve and protect us. There is an establishment committed to maintaining its hold on everybody. Fear is a man’s best friend (c) J. Cale


Even if you #resist, fear can lurk inside you. We value our own safety and security over justice, which makes sense in a certain twisted way. There is no fun in being a martyr, especially when you’re still alive and wondering why if people knew what was happening to you. . . why didn’t they stop and help you?


You are now living in a world that is a paradise for the wealthy and incredibly difficult for everybody else. But now you are aware of it. The question is: when do you snap?

I’m Done

March 16th, 2017

I think I’m done as a viable, functioning human being. I’m still living and breathing but mentally I checked out a long time ago and have been on autopilot ever since.


I have an addictive personality. I don’t know why I’m just figuring this out. You don’t have to be an alcoholic or a junkie to be an addict, and I’ve always associated addictive personality with drug and alcohol addiction. You can get addicted to gambling or sex or food or or work or television or video games or exercise or  social media or pornography. Or I could.


The other day I announced finally that I was seeking treatment at a weight loss clinic so I can get bariatric surgery. The surgery is intense and will require a total lifestyle change. My lifestyle is. . . pretty horrible. I’m filled with shame and secrecy. Depression, anxiety and anger.


If you’re an alcoholic or a drug addict, people understand it even if they don’t excuse it. They might not like it, but they’ve seen it enough that it’s common. Somebody who’s addicted to junk food like me just needs to get off it and change his diet.


Two things: Changing my diet to a healthy one sounds like the worst, hardest thing you can do. Go to the top of Mount Everest and when you get there, light a stick of dynamite and put it in your mouth until it explodes and rips your body into pieces. I’m not a mountaineer. Why would I do that? Also, I’m always afraid of some unseen “They/them” and what “they/them” think about me and what I’m doing. I’m a riddle wrapped in neurosis containing an enigma.


I don’t want to go out anymore. I want to stay in the warm womb of my bed and eat junk food until it kills me. I can’t believe it hasn’t already. I’m supposed to have a mental health evaluation in May. I can’t imagine it will go well.


If I’m not done as a person, I have so much more work to do. I could have the surgery in August or September if I do everything I’m supposed to do. If I pass the mental health evalution for example. They may agree with my diagnosis that I am unfit to have the surgery. I can’t handle it. It’s too much pressure. Too many changes that I can’t make. I can’t change my world that fast.

Antarctica Starts Here

March 9th, 2017

The most useful aspect of this website is as a running check on my mental state. If only it were primarily a tool of artistic expression. And it may have been once upon a time. Now this website is a mere tool of survival. I’m doing the best I can, hurling words into the void. I almost feel like this is the captain’s log on a ship that is lost at sea forever, words not to be read until long after I’m dead from scurvy or mutiny.


I don’t know a lot of people who are happy. Most of my friends are going through some sort of crisis. Loneliness, isolation, depression, existential dread. I don’t have the ability to diagnose my state or locate the root cause of it. I’m afraid that the root cause of my problems are like those of many people, and come externally. How do you cut the strings that are pulling you to and fro? How do you gain the strength to move on your own after that? How do you live in a system that is designed to divide you, conquer you and put you at battle with those you’ve been divided from?


So when you’re in that state of being, how do you escape? If it’s external stimuli torturing you, does it take external stimuli to rescue you? What comforts you in the dark of the night when nothing is comforting? Where do you turn? Who loves you when you need to be loved? Who holds you when you need it? Who lies to you and tells you everything is going to be better eventually? And where is she now that I need her?

Guest Column (& Note From The Doctor)

December 11th, 2016

Dr’s Note: Sometime about December 9, it was revealed that Russia had indeed interfered with the 2016 Presidential election. CIA intel had been reported to President Obama and reported in major news outlets throughout the country and world. 


The effect of this breaking news on’s namesake, Mike Farmer, has not been fully determined as of Sunday the 11th. For his safety and that of others, he is being contained in an observation unit in Daviess County. He is not allowed to use the Internet, unless of course he wants to watch pornography. Due to restricted access, he has been unable to write for this website. This is the first time in my years of medical service that I can remember any patient wanting to use the Internet for non-pornographic use. 


In lieu of Mr. Farmer’s absence from the website, here is a copy of a tweet-thread from Eric Garland (@ericgarland) discussing game theory in regards to Russia’s long play to destabilizing the American republic. What follows are Eric Garland’s words. Some pictures have been added for context and for feng shui. 


  • <THREAD> I’m now hearing this meme that says Obama, Clinton, et al. are doing nothing, just gave up. Guys. It’s time for some game theory.
  • ACTOR ANALYSIS: The Russians enter the Game with a broad objective, flexible tactics, and several acceptable outcomes.
  • Russian interests have been, for many years now, the subversion of Western institutions, principally NATO, but any will do.
  • This subversion can take many forms: driving wedges between US-Commonwealth-Euro intel cooperation, break up NATO, create chaos.
  • This game has been developing for many years, is asymmetrical, and much cheaper than building a decent aircraft carrier.
  • Plus, the Russians f**king rule at covert shit. Always have. Ask a cold warrior. Mucho respect for our adversaries. They do clever work!
  • Post-communism, they’re reduced to Drunk Uncle status in the global balance of power. Mouthy, smart, degraded, much reduced in stature.
  • Russians as *people* are civilized, artistic, enamored of brilliance and tragedy, and generally proud. And should be. They do not like this.
  • From this position launches an initiative from an old hand at the KGB, now solidified in influence: Subvert for the throat. Go big. Go hard.


  • While the West is frivolous and lazy and “Post-History,” the clever take advantage. And here begins our present story.
  • Let’s skip ahead to “Wikileaks.” BRILLIANT. Ingratiate the Left into this anti-establishment distrust of Western intel.
  • George W Bush and Dick Cheney being slovenly, reckless idiots, the moral authority of Iraq and US intel is nil. In step “journalists.”
  • Stealing hard drives from US intel and dumping them to foreign agents? That’s *snicker* “journalism!” FREE SPEECH! ROFLMAO.
  • Oh, and such grand characters, so well run: Manning, Greenwald. So righteous, yet fragile! And feisty! Try a Twitter war with Glenn!
  • OH YOU PHILISTINE, YOU JUST HATE JOURNALISM! *sigh* *swigs something strong* And Moscow must have been doubling over.
  • THEN, OMG, that worked so well that the pièce de résistance was next: SNOWDEN!!! BOOYAH! THE BIG GAME! NSA! PRISM! SPASM!
  • (incidentally, the NSA was about the only agency the Russians took seriously) But then this EARNEST young man. He tells THE TROOTH!
  • And still hungover from the rotten venality of the Iraq War and Bush’s perversion of the IC as reliable, Wikileaks journalisms the NSA!
  • DON’T YOU CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. HARD DRIVES FROM THE NSA IZ JOURNALISM! Even when you take the files to Brazil! Honest! Ask Glenn!
  • And then, automagically, our man Ed ends up…what’s this now? In Russia? Well, they are such welcoming folks! How…nice!
  • Langley and Fort Meade run out of bourbon in about three hours, and every intel guy in Russia is drunk, dancing on the desks, and LAFFING.
  • AND THE LEFT! HOLY F**KING ADORABLE BATMAN! Honi soit qui mal y pense! How dare you suggest untoward Russian involvement! Journamalisms!!!!
  • US intel snorts all of the Robotussin in the DC/MD/VA area. Putin calls Snowden “A weird guy.” LOLZ. Moving on to the current chapter.
  • MEANWHILE, AT THE FOX NATION FORUMS: The other part of this impressive op is percolating – the buttress of the Alt-Right.
  • ONCE UPON A TIME, Dan Rather chased Nixon around a room asking him questions VERY HARSHLY and the notion of the Evil Media Elite was born.
  • See, because Nixon got impeached, that meant the media was in on it! WaPo! NYT! Traitors! We look bad! And the media hate begins.
  • Never mind that to know something in Topeka, somebody’s gotta send you a newspaper or a radio signal or whatevs: The Media Is Lying.
  • Now, it’s true, high level journalists and editors don’t always see the world like Johnny Lunchpail in Missouri. True facts. But. Trouble.
  • Republicans decide to create a whole new layer of think tanks and media outlets in the 1980s dedicated to The Other Side.
  • The think tanks have a POV, but some are quite good, Cato in particular. Heritage came up with what’s now Obamacare. AEI…ehhh. 2 outta 3.
  • But then the media play comes in. The cranky insane tent pastors on AM radio get…a makeover. They become Legitimate. Embraced.
  • Magnates start investing in outlets. Brand new pundits get huge audiences yelling about The Way Things Ought to Be (for White People).
  • And it’s more successful than free chicken and beer. The money flows, the ratings swell. An Australian starts a TV network in the US.


  • What develops is an attractive, well-produced alternate universe. You no longer need an alternate take. You have alternate facts.
  • Al Gore mutters and bores his way out of a presidency in a race against a guy who spoke English like he learned it from Rosetta Stone.
  • And now, the stage is set for a metastasis of batshit nuttery, jingoism, and irrational autocratic fervor. A party becomes a cult.
  • September 11, 2001 occurs. A buncha guys are in DC who couldn’t wait to go to Iraq. And the right wing media is shiny and tuned-up.
  • We go kick a bunch of barbarian ass in Afghanistan, as well we should have. They were beating women and destroying Buddhas. F**k ’em.
  • But then, The Axis of Evil Speech. And all the analysts in DC I know collectively go, “Oh, fuuuuu…they’re not serious, are they?”
  • Bill Clinton spent most of his years pounding the living snot out of Hussein. Dude built anything funny lookin’, in came the rockets.
  • There was one concerning nation-state for most, and – hint – it’s in Asia. The other threat was non-state actors. *ahem* Which played out.
  • And now – *headdesk* – they’re going to Iraq. With bullshit intel. Goddamn it. GODDAMN IT. This is going to suck, said smart people.
  • And there’s the entire right-wing think tank and media machine blaring, careening, gloating. From the gov’t itself, and from every outlet.


  • And goddamn, did those media outlets sell a lot of ads for trucks, pain killers, pharmaceuticals and financial services. $$$$$$
  • Many earnest patriots also pointed out, hey, um, there apparently are no weapons that could have blown up Cleveland, so…
  • But now, this whole thing has morphed into tribalism. YES THEY DID TOO FIND WEAPONS OF MASS DEPRESSION AND YOU SUCK BUSH ROCKS PUSSY
  • Ann Coulter comes on TV to talk over B-roll of rusty munitions WE SOLD HUSSEIN and said, well look, there they are. Total. Propaganda.
  • America looks like shit. Our intel services take a helluva beating. Iraq’s invasion – which was basically unplanned – results in chaos.
  • Katrina. Bush. Looking out the window. Confused. Hey, but in intel news, the National Geospatial-Intel Agency helps critically.
  • 2008. The housing Ponzi we used to get out of the DotComBust-9/11-era recession has now gone pear-shaped. Utterly nuclear.
  • America’s banks, the one thing other than movies and video games we do reliably, all shit the bed simultaneously.
  • We then elect a cappuccino-colored president whose middle name is Hussein. The Right goes completely over the f**king cliff into insane.
  • This political movement happens when the only thing Obama has really said with conviction is “Fired up! Ready to go!” In late November 2008.
  • But ON GEORGE WASHINGTON’S GRAVE THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!!! And the entire right-wing media gets its next several years of revenue LOCKED.
  • Now, we’ve got a really, reaaaally fertile field in which former KGB agents can make a long play. And Moscow gets to work.
  • America’s at this weird nihilistic place, which is one thing for France and Russia, but NOT for earnest midwesterners who are agape.
  • Now the American Left has got some juice back again. But the Right is just apoplectic from pure suffering. Both are ripe for subversion.
  • The Left is out of love with American business and military-industrial, the Right foams at the mouth against legitimate government.
  • And the guys who have been twisting minds from Vladivostok to Havana and back get to work building an “alt” media structure.
  • We’ve already covered the genius of that who Wikileaks op on the Left. SCORE! Now for the perversion of the formerly nationalist Right.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THERE’S A BLACK DUDE IN THE WHITE HOUSE! LIVING THERE! It’s not hard to convince Southerners this is insane.
  • But put a little elbow grease in on some internet forums, and pretty soon you can have Northern John Adams-type conservatives, too.
  • A whole generation of disaffect Rush Limbaugh fans (WE LISTENED AND DITTOED SO HARD WHY IS THERE A BLACK DUDE THERE?) is ripe for picking.
  • In addition to alt-finance sites and “Russia Today” a new TV network, they start infiltrating “social media.”
  • Disclosure: Because I’m mouthy all the time like this, RT had me on as a guest. They prop up US “subversives.” And they don’t edit you!
  • Fun fact: Al Jazeera and RT just let me talk. US media almost always wants some hand in your final product before booking you. Ironic, no?
  • But from about 2009 to the 2016 election, a madness is being brewed and slowly poured down the throats of increasingly hysterical Americans.
  • When you imbibe from this potion, everything is awful and everyone official is lying to you. Only other members of the cult are with you!
  • US media, which is complicit in many of our problems, is portrayed for the extremists as conspiratorial liars. All the time.
  • Formerly sane members of US society start sounding like my schizophrenic grandfather, who said Government was keeping him from His Mission.
  • Only the Gubmint knew the Archangel Gabriel was sending him to find the next Jesus. So, cut it out, CIA! Stop it, Giant Conspiracy!
  • And then people you knew from Functional Daily Life started talking that way. People with car dealerships. Dentists. Regular folk.
  • They started with CONSPIRACY, especially after 2012, because DAMMIT NO THERE SHOULDN’T BE A BLACK DUDE TWO TERMS NOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO


  • A CABAL CALLED The Pentaveret: The Queen. The Pope. The Gettys. The Rothschilds. AND COLONEL SANDERS, BEFORE HE WENT TITS UP!
  • If you haven’t unfollowed by now, 1. You’re nuts and 2. Thank you for indulging my So I Married an Axe Murderer reference.
  • MOVING ON. The conspiratorial fever at about 108, we begin the 2016 election – AGAINST EVERYTHING HOLY – in 2015.
  • The Republicans debate over 712 times, discussing topics such as who hated Obamacare more, and who had a large penis. Jesus, that happened.
  • The Democrats all debate who’s going to get out of Hillary’s way first, except for VERMONT’S OWN BERNIE SANDERS, who…gets popular?
  • I’m from Vermont and have known Bernie forever, so I’m very surprised, but everyone kinda likes it. Hillary wins anyhow.
  • And now, the target for electoral mischief is enormous. Hillary is the most known quantity in America, with huge backstory.
  • Creating a conspiracy narrative around the Clintons is like creating a “southern” narrative around NASCAR and grits.
  • Now – with Trump as the non-conformist, not-like-all-the-other-rotten-conspiratorial-assholes paragon, the Russians go into overdrive.


  • The Russians didn’t create Trump – only New York City and American gullibility could have done that. But they’ve got a SWEETHEART outcome.
  • Trump – a moron – is probably unlikely to take the whole enchilada, but that’s perfect. If he gets close enough, he can cry UNFAIR! forever.
  • Amazing scenario for Russia – instead of RT, they get an institutional nihilist chowderhead with American credentials. They butter him up.
  • Hell, to hear many tell of it, they have kompromat on him. But anyhow, they invest in his stuff. He was there in 2013. They have a lever.
  • IF on the off chance, Trump actually (and who could guess this) wins, then…wow, they’ve got quite an opening.
  • Either way, on the run-up to Nov 2016, Russian involvement was as subtle as a fart in a spacesuit.
  • The U.S. IC had its hair on fire. This situation was incredibly dangerous. A paranoid U.S. faction backing a rogue with ties to Russia.
  • OK, Jesus, at LONG LAST, back to my initial premise. Why didn’t Obama and Clinton “do something?” JESUS, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
  • You come out and have the CIA enter the goddamn race for Clinton? True or not, we look like some weird cryptofascist state.
  • Or, you let the Russkis laugh and taunt and infiltrate Facebook with majillions of propaganda tales for idiots? Just let them run around?
  • Do you come out the day after this totally weird-smelling abomination of an election with all its technical difficulties?
  • Do you tell America the day after the election that Russia spearfished all of our think tanks in brazen fashion?
  • Hillary, for her part, gives a brief and all-too-calm speech and goes hiking. Probably the best move on the board.
  • Obama WELCOMES! Mr. Trump in an intense, welcoming welcome. To the White House. Mr. Big Winner Guy! Welcome! Fellow American!
  • Trump looks like he swallowed a goldfish and stares at the floor a bit too long. As if maybe a joke has gone too far.


  • In the next month, a small band of propagandists run in a circle and try to look like they’re forming a government. It’s ungainly.
  • And now, it’s December 11th. Trump says he don’t need no stinkin’ intel agencies. Russia (BWA HAHAHAHAAAA) blames Ukraine! LOLOLOLOLZZZ
  • A lot of Republicans stare into the middle distance, except for McCain and Graham who are NOT HAVING THIS SHIT. (I salute you, gentlemen.)
Not Graham or McCain

Not Graham or McCain

  • And here we are. Americans. Hopefully soon united. This isn’t a partisan issue. Obama isn’t late to the party. People are doing their jobs.
  • If you think any of this is easy, you’re ignorant and delusional. Tonight, though, I write to you with great hope.
  • This may be America’s finest hour, as we act together with unshakable resolve to deal with enemies foreign and domestic.
  • We have done so in the past and come out a stronger, more just, more pluralistic nation. We will do so now. And for me? Or die trying.
  • America is the steward of a genius system entrusted to flawed stewards whose descendants seem to act on the right side of history.
  • This system is not rotten, not beyond repair, not exiled from the future. We have been infiltrated by agents who would drive us mad.
  • This is a nation built on civilization, humanity, and reason, rejecting the febrile superstitions of the past. It must stand. And will.
  • We are at present in a place of danger where some of our fellow citizens have forgotten our most cherished values. We’ve been here before.
  • America, reluctantly but dutifully, recognizes its internal contradictions and failings. Slavery. Racism. Internment. Classism.
  • The genius documents that gave rise to noble American sentiments were themselves authored by those who failed them. (h/t @ Mr. Jefferson)
  • We spilled the blood of our brothers to resolve the contradictions of slavery and then abandoned the project while killing Indians.
  • Americans proclaimed the equality of all men while treating women as chattel and all non-whites as lesser. We are indeed hypocrites.
  • But to be American is to accept that unflinchingly and to soldier forth for future generations, and DO BETTER, GODDAMN IT.
  • There are those who would mire us in worldly cynicism, to anchor us in a world where our institutions betray forever, where values perish.
  • And to be American is to face that intellectual, moral, and spiritual assault with the unshakeable devotion to something more lofty.
  • And when that loftiness fails, as it so often does, to be American is to seize it again and again, knowing that our Creator desire Progress.
  • Progress can come from Traditionalists or Labor Unionists or mystics or musicians or doctors or Senators or journalists. All are exhorted.

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

  • The Progress demanded by our Creator can be achieved by immigrants and natives, skeptics and believers, the elite and the humble alike.
  • That is America. That is the promise that Americans oft ignore and which more cynical nations would defile for their own gain.
  • That America will last long after I have died, long after new people have picked the torch. Long after we betray it again, as we will.
  • But America will go on, even if by another name, unless all who have heard her name are extinguished. This is just the locus of promise.
  • America came from the olive groves of Italy and the shipyard of Plymouth and the islands of the Philippines. Indivisible.
  • America came from the Torah and Voltaire’s Candide and Adam Smith and zen koans and Greek mathematics and Rumi’s poetry.
  • America is all these things, and should yet another absolutist demagogue, foreign or domestic seize her, it will be far from the end.
  • Now is a time for patriots. It’s also Sunday afternoon. I’m gonna get a beer and watch football. God Bless America, and all nations.
  • </THREAD>


Tennessee End-Times Prophecy

October 1st, 2015

The world keeps on turning. Comforting, right? Some of you may think the world is spinning into a chaotic hellscape.


A few years ago, Technology Vs. Horse was playing a gig in Greenbriar, Tennessee. We hated it but the owner of the place really liked us and kept having us back. The kids tended to not like us all that much. I think the guy tried to help us out and expose these kids to something different at the same time but in the end it didn’t work. Can’t fault a guy for trying.


One night in Greenbriar, I sat in the coffeehouse part of the club and listened to the band before us playing. They were a high school band of metalheads. Whatever the vogue style of metal/core/etc was in 2005, these kids were playing it even though it was now 2008 or so. I want to bust on them but I can’t be too mean. Information travels faster nowadays. I’m just happy local bands aren’t wearing skinny ties and trying to be the Knack. Anyway, the singer of this kid goes on the subject of the upcoming Presidential election and said (I’m paraphrasing) “I do believe the end times are coming”, which in his scared rural mind meant that Obama was a doombringer of massive proportions.


That kid couldn’t not have been old enough to buy cigarettes and yet he had already subscribed to the end times notions. “I don’t understand the world and it’s changing and that scares me, therefore we must be coming to the end of the world.” Which eventually will happen, the end of the world. Eventually, the sun will burn out and life on our planet will struggle to a halt. If any of the current Presidential candidates are capable of killing off the sun, please let me know in the comments.


I know it’s comforting to think about how great the past was. When the current Daft Punk album was Homework instead of Random Access Memories. When Zappa and Kurt Cobain were still alive. When you had to buy CDs for $18.99 plus tax and didn’t have to spend ten hours downloading updates to Super Mario Bros 3 before playing it.


Being young is fun. Youth is great. It’s not wasted on the young. Whoever said youth is wasted on the young was a bitter prick.


I just looked it up. George Bernard Shaw said that. Of course, he never got to play Pong, Oregon Trail or even Uno. His youth had to be terrible. He was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1856. If he had heard “Good Vibrations” in his teens, he would never have written Pygmalion.


I feel bad for the young people who are already afraid. That kid in Greenbriar, as much dumbness as he spewed, had no idea how good he had it at that point. All his high school friends and hangers-on had packed the coffeehouse to see his band. That guy is probably in his mid-20s working in a factory or on a drug habit. His best years have been taken from him. 9/11 Al Qaeda Osama Freedom Fries Fuck the Dixie Chicks ISIS Muslim Terrorism FEAR FEAR BE SCARED Annie Get Your Gun Be Afraid Don’t Blame Me I Voted For Bush/McCain/Romney/Nobama Help HELP HELP Tea Party Mass Shootings Blacklivesmatteractuallyalllivesmatter. Yesallwomennotallmen WHEN WILL IT END and no one knows.


As I write this, another mass shooting has taken place at a community college in Oregon. So maybe the kid had a point.



A Frank Talk About Porn

September 10th, 2015

There is a website and nascent movement called “Fight The New Drug” that uses the hashtag #PornKillsLove to talk about pornography as an addictive material. It seems to be targeting young people who are struggling with their budding sexuality and the temptation to look at pornography.


There’s a lot of data on that website and from my brief research it appears to be garnished with a few sprinkles of facts in order to give its’ fear-based bullshit a sheen of legitimacy.


My feelings about this type of thing are nuanced like most rational people. I’m going to try to work it out for you in real time on this post because I think teens deserve a b.s.-free dialogue about this that isn’t about foisting fear and shame on them. So think of me as your cool/weird Uncle/friend-of-parent that you never see dropping dimes on your impressionable heads.


First of all, let’s acknowledge that people can become addicted to pornography. Some people get addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, pills, gambling or any one of many other things.

For example, prolonged exposure to "Vikings Fever".

For example, prolonged exposure to “Vikings Fever”.


That does not mean that pornography is an addictive thing. Many people have watched pornography and enjoyed it without turning into a trenchcoat-clad pervert. I can’t give you any accurate numbers on this because most of the people I survey refuse to answer.


If you think you are addicted to pornography, there are ways to deal with it. Prayer probably won’t be one of them.


No one has ever grown hair on their palms because of masturbation. I’m thirty-seven and my palms are as hairless as the day I was born.


Everyone you know or meet has masturbated at least once. Every male you meet has done it more than once. Most of the girls you meet have done it more than once. Occasionally you will meet a girl who says she tried it once and didn’t enjoy it. That girl is probably lying.

This guy. Him too.

This guy. Him too.


Masturbating is fine if you do it in your room. The shower is also fine. When you get a place of your own, you’ll be able to do it anywhere in the house you want. That’s why you should want to grow up and move out.


If your folks burst into your room while you are masturbating without knocking first or warning, then they deserve to have that image burned into their brains for life. You have a right to privacy.


I haven’t talked about pornography much yet. It seems to be easier to get access to pornography now than it did in my youth. In my day, you had to look at magazine and play videotapes on VCR if you wanted to see pornography. Many of you now get smartphones before you start puberty and can look up whatever you want whenever you want in the comfort of your own room. The family VCR was in the living room. This is my version of “you kids don’t know how good you have it”.


If you worry that you are becoming desensitized by watching pornography, be warned that you can become desensitized by doing anything repeatedly. Go to school five days a week, watch TV all night, football on the weekends. When you do anything over and over again, you become desensitized to it. Come next spring, remember how you felt about beginning a new school year. How it feels like a lifetime ago. And now you just want the summer to hurry up and start.

Once upon a time, this guy went to games wearing a Vikings cap. Then it snowballed into what you see here

Once upon a time, this guy went to games wearing a Vikings cap. Then it snowballed into what you see here



Pornography does not “kill” love, whatever that means. Do you know how many people who are in love today have watched pornography? Again, the people I ask these questions to never answer and tend to call the police and say to me “get off my property”.


You are not going to turn into a feeling-less “Walking Dead” extra because you happen to enjoy visual stimulation. Eventually you will find someone you like or love and have a nice relationship with them. . . I assume. I might be the exception that proves the rule here.


In the United States, we have this thing called “community standards”. This determines whether something (a porn video) violates obscenity laws. If you’re on Redtube or Pornhub or such, you’re watching a video that is not considered obscene and criminal.


There are certain types of pornography that are outright illegal. Stuff that involves minors or animals. Redtube and Pornhub and their brethren in the streaming video business won’t allow such material on their websites because if they did they would be shut down immediately. The governments of the world don’t condone that kind of stuff, nor should they.


Nor do the production companies who make porn make obscene material. Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. They make plenty of money showing consenting adults.


As for the reality of pornography. . . that’s a different kettle of fish. Pornography is not what sex is really like. If and when you have sex, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. If you try to act like the porn performers do in their scenes, you will feel silly and your partner will wonder just what the hell you think you’re doing.


Porn is a show. It’s lit in a special way. It has a music bed in the background. It’s edited to leave out the parts where someone farts or the awkward fumbling. They are professionals and performers. You are not nor should you try to be on prom night.


You know how you watch “The Bachelor” or whatever Kardashian show is on E! and you think to yourself “There’s no way they act like that in real life”? Well, the same applies to porn and sex.


Someone who has conquered both reality TV and pornography.

Someone who has conquered both reality TV and pornography.


Because porn is an industry and a business, it is also a job. The people who you watch in many of those videos are professionals and get paid to do that. This does not make them bad people or prostitutes or pimps. It’s a job and every job has good days and bad. They are not forced to do the job they are doing.


Former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin has watched pornography. If only to see the porn parody made about her to see if the actress looked like her (she didn’t).


Steve Jobs watched pornography. It’s in his biography, near the back I think.


President Barack Obama has watched pornography, as well. He’s probably watched the Obama porn parody that had the Sarah Palin parody actress in it.


Your parents, your teachers, leaders in the community. They’ve all seen it. Probably liked it, too. So why are you supposed to be doomed?