Posts Tagged ‘baseball’

From Bowling Green to the Big Leagues

November 5th, 2016

Since 2009, the Bowling Green Hot Rods have been a part of the Tampa Bay Rays minor league organization, and several former Hot Rods have made it all the way to the majors. Here is a mostly-comprehensive list as of the end of the 2016 season. Nobody from the 2015 or 2016 teams has made the majors. . . yet. Some of them hit the bigs but not for a few years. Given that there’s single-A ball, then double-A, then triple-A and for all I know I’m missing a step or two.


Tim Beckham (2B/SS, 2009): Tampa Bay Rays 2013, 2015-2016

Matt Moore (P, 2009): Tampa Bay Rays 2011-2016 (AL All-Star 2013), San Francisco Giants 2016


Alex Colome (P, 2010): Tampa Bay Rays 2013-2016 (AL All-Star 2016)


Kyle Lobstein (P, 2010): Detroit Tigers 2014-2015, Pittsburgh Pirates, 2016

C.J. Riefenhauser (P, 2010-11): Tampa Bay Rays 2014-2015 (spent 2016 in Chicago Cubs farm system)

Wilking Rodriguez (P, 2010-11): Tampa Bay Rays 2014

Albert Suarez (P, 2010): San Francisco Giants 2016

Kirby Yates (P, 2010): Tampa Bay Rays 2014-2015, New York Yankees 2016

Derek Dietrich (SS/2B, 2011): Miami Marlins 2013-2016 (led NL in being hit by pitch, 2016)

Kevin Kiermaier (CF, 2011): Tampa Bay Rays 2013-2016 (Gold Glove 2015)

Taylor Motter (OF/3B/SS, 2011-2012): Tampa Bay Rays 2016

Chris Rearick (P, 2011) San Diego Padres 2015 (spent 2016 in independent leagues)

Enny Romero (P, 2011) Tampa Bay Rays 2013, 2015-2016

Ryan Brett (2B, 2012) Tampa Bay Rays 2015 (missed 2016 after Tommy John surgery)

Tyler Goeddel (3B/OF, 2012-2013) Philadelphia Phillies 2016

Juniel Querecuto (2B/SS/3B, 2012, 2014) Tampa Bay Rays 2016

Andrew Bellatti (P, 2012) Tampa Bay Rays 2015 (spent 2016 in Rays farm system)

Felipe Rivero (P, 2012) Washington Nationals 2015-2016, Pittsburgh Pirates 2016

Oscar Hernandez (C, 2013-2014) Arizona Diamondbacks 2015-2016

Luke Maile (C/1B, 2013) Tampa Bay Rays 2015-2016

Joey Rickard (OF, 2013) Baltimore Orioles 2016

Andrew Toles (OF, 2013) Los Angeles Dodgers 2016

Dylan Floro (P, 2013) Tampa Bay Rays 2016

Ryan Garton (P, 2013) Tampa Bay Rays 2016

Blake Snell (P, 2013-2014) Tampa Bay Rays 2016

Germán Márquez (P, 2014) Colorado Rockies 2016



…And Then There Were Three

November 3rd, 2016

If you’re in the mood for sports-amplified stress-cosis, feel free to go back to my previous post where I spent about six hundred words completely losing my mind. Some of it made sense, certainly.


All of those six-hundred-plus words were written in the window of time between Cubs pitcher Aroldis Chapman giving up three runs in the ninth inning to allow Cleveland to tie the game 6-6 through the rain delay that kept the suspense at all all time high as the game went into a tenth inning. I probably had a good half-hour to let all it all out on the page and I took that opportunity. I bled out all over. Every pore of me freak oozed fear.


I did not have the chill of a Jason Heyward, who called the team together for a pep talk in the locker room during the rain delay. I lacked the foresight of manager Joe Maddon, who I’m sure is being missed by fans of the Tampa Bay Rays where he coached until two seasons ago to take up for the Cubs. I lacked the faith of Series MVP Ben Zobrist, who’s wife plays Christian EDM. I’m also not clutch, like Zobrist and Miguel Montero was in the tenth.


This is why professional athletes get paid “the big bucks”, as I say (and that’s a phrase I’ve coined so don’t steal that). Later today, whoever calculates the TV ratings and shares will have an aneurysm when seeing that probably a third of the entire country watched Game 7 last night and probably more as the game went on. Only the Super Bowl would do a bigger number than last night.


1907, 1908, 2016. And Then There Were Three. Because somehow the fucking Cubs won the goddamn motherfucking World holy shit Series jeez-o-pete what the fuck. Donald Trump said the Cubs were a poorly-run baseball team in March and on November 3rd they won the fucking World Series. That guy can’t even be wrong right.


And now, the calm. Maybe one more calm before an Election Night storm. Because there’s still November 8th. There’s still HRC vs. DJT. Being human, flawed, and accountable vs. being evil, dumb and obtuse. Being an adult vs. putting your head in the sand and screaming for blood from the muffled dirt below. All of last night’s fear and psychosis amplified and magnified by ten and the stakes are much higher.


But a lot of people needed the end of Game 7 last night. I’m sorry for Cleveland baseball fans. If it’s any consolation, your basketball team won a title in June. So you have that going for you which is nice, to paraphrase a line from Caddyshack said by a famous Cubs fan we’re all surely sick of by now right.


Bill Murray, Eddie Vedder, Jim Belushi, CM Punk. The Cubs need a better crop of celebrity fans in 2017.


Thank you, based Cubs.

except Chapman


Thank You Based Cubs

October 22nd, 2016

How about them Cubs, eh? The Cubs are going to the World Series. Hold on, let me say that again. The Chicago Cubs are going to the World Series. The baseball team is going to the championship series to determine the championship of baseball in the Major League of Baseball. And that team is the Chicago team out of the National League. The mind reels.


I have seen many great players play in a Cubs uniform. Andre Dawson was my first favorite, in his NL MVP season of 1987. I saw many bad years too. In my lifetime, I think the Cubs have had about six good seasons. And of those ended when the whole team (and city) had a meltdown because of Steve Bartman.


Now I’m sitting here and I’m thinking about this and it’s not even over yet. There’s a World Series yet to be played. There’s the Cleveland Indians ahead. I don’t want to think about that right now. I want to enjoy this one shining moment in a ugly stupid year.


The people who aren’t here and the people who are. Ernie Banks to Javier Baez. Ron Santo to Addison Russell. Harry Caray to whoever’s calling the games on radio now. Tinker to Evers to Chance to Wood and Prior to Lackey and Lester. I could go on. I won’t. Carlos Zambrano is still alive but isn’t around to be scary but the Cubs have Aroldis Chapman as their closer so that’s good enough.


I’m babbling.


It didn’t seem possible. I want to jump and party. I want to hug people in the street. Did you know the last time the Cubs had gone to the World Series, the polio vaccine hadn’t been invented yet? It’s amazing. How can anybody have a coherent thought right now? It’s a happy time to be alive. . . somehow.


Thank you based Cubs. Thank you so much based Cubs. Racks on racks on racks.

Every Chicago Cub Ranked, Best To Worst

May 12th, 2016

  1. Hank Aaron
  2. Andre Dawson
  3. Derrek Lee
  4. Ernie Banks
  5. Rick Sutcliffe
  6. Rogers Hornsby
  7. Hank Sauer
  8. So Taguchi
  9. Kyle Farnsworth
  10. Ron Santo
  11. Lee Smith
  12. Mark “No Surprises” Grace
  13. Rick Reuschel
  14. Carlos Zambrano
  15. Ron Cey
  16. “Airbag” Evers
  17. Lefty Sloat
  18. Sammy Sosa
  19. Turk Wendell
  20. Greg Maddux
  21. “Just” Tinker
  22. Ferguson Jenkins
  23. Anthony Rizzo
  24. Babe Ruth (probably)
  25. El Hijo del Baseball
  26. “Creep” Chance
  27. Felipe Alou
  28. Milton Bradley
  29. Terry Mulholland
  30. Keith Moreland
  31. Kusuke Fukudome
  32. Billy Ott
  33. Koyie Hill
  34. Starlin Castro
  35. Mark Prior
  36. “Kid A” Alfonso Soriano
  37. Manny Trillo
  38. Bubbles Hargrave
  39. Paranoid Android
  40. Rich Harden
  41. Mitch Williams
  42. Rafael Palmeiro
  43. Mel Hall
  44. Don Zimmer
  45. Joe Niekro
  46. Glenallen Hill
  47. Kris Bryant
  48. Goose Gossage
  49. Geovany Soto
  50. Augie Ojeda
  51. Hack Wilson
  52. Cap “Fake Plastic Trees” Anson
  53. Jimmie Foxx
  54. Gary Matthews
  55. Gary Matthews
  56. Garry Shandling
  57. Rabbit Maranville
  58. Milt Pappas
  59. Ken Holtzman
  60. Aramis Ramirez
  61. Wildfire Schulte
  62. Joe Girardi
  63. Bobby Shantz
  64. Pat Malone
  65. Bruce “Treefingers” Sutter
  66. Freddie Lindstrom
  67. Billy Williams
  68. Ken Hubbs
  69. Jerome Walton
  70. Bill Madlock
  71. Willie “Knives Out” Hernandez
  72. Jake Arrieta
  73. Candy Maldonado
  74. Larry Corcoran
  75. Gabby Hartnett
  76. Phil Cavarretta
  77. Gene “Faust Arp” Mauch
  78. Buck Herzog
  79. Jon Lester
  80. Jon Leicester
  81. Don Johnson
  82. Todd Hollandsworth
  83. Anyone Can Play Guitar
  84. Ramon Martinez
  85. Mordecai “15 Step” Brown
  86. Chuck Klein
  87. Michael Barrett
  88. Leon Durham
  89. Glenn Beckert
  90. Don Kessinger
  91. Jason Marquis
  92. Bill Lee
  93. Street Spirit (Fade Out)
  94. Bob Dernier
  95. Ted “Reckoner” Lilly
  96. Reed Johnson
  97. Darrin Jackson
  98. Darwin Barney
  99. Footer Johnson
  100. Ryne Sandberg

In the 109 seasons they officially became the Chicago Cubs, 100 people have played for the team. Some of them are Radiohead songs.

Potential Baseball Promotions

October 4th, 2014

Since MLB is in the playoffs, this gives the other teams that didn’t make the playoffs an opportunity to think up new ways to get fans to come watch games in 2015. If the New York Yankees are reading this, they may want to pay attention because they won’t have Derek Jeter again. I am giving these ideas away for free.


Ayn Rand Night. This will work especially well in Kansas City. The Royals play at Kauffman Stadium, which has a giant waterfall and (get this) fountain. Discounted copies of The Fountainhead for the first 1000 fans willing to buy them. NOTE: Do not misspell her on the big screen as “ANN Rand”. Big no-no.


Todd Rundgren’s Utopia Night. Seventh-inning stretch playing of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” will be replaced by a playing of Utopia’s thirty-minute”The Ikon”. Afterwards, umpires will call the game on account of curfew.


Bassnectar Night. Bassnectar performance after the game. Fireworks included. Being molested in the foam pit, no charge.


Finnish Civil War Night. Recommended for interleague play if the Reds play the White Sox. Managers for the Reds and White Sox will sign a peace treaty at the conclusion of the series.


Old Fashioned Fappening Night. First 1500 fans get a slide of questionable erotic content. All slides found in storage auctions and all depicted persons are long dead.