Posts Tagged ‘bad art’

Taylor Swift: Electric Warrior

June 30th, 2015

taylorslider2 taylorsmithtrex

 

Something light-hearted to end a shitty month. You may notice that the two images above bear more than a passing resemblance to T. Rex’s classic pair of albums “The Slider” and “Electric Warrior”. Rest assured, this was done (poorly) with that intention.

 

I got a text from someone wondering what it meant? Why does any creator create? What inspires the magician of the creative arts? I had a lot of thoughts about what I was doing and no thoughts at all. Maybe you have to kill your idols (like T. Rex leader Marc Bolan) in order to love them. Maybe it’s a shot at music snobs who would hold one pop artist in contempt while raising another to the heavens. Maybe it’s just a fun juxtaposition, the iconography of T. Rex (including their logo, done in Kabel Black font) with the image of Taylor Swift.

 

Who knows? Maybe if Marc Bolan were still alive he would like Taylor Swift? Or maybe he’d pick Katy Perry instead (they both have songs called “Teenage Dream”… IMHO his is better). You can’t like one or the other. You must pick Legs Swift or Chesty Perry (these are the clever nicknames I came up with for them and am trying to push this onto Bob Lefsetz). Or you can decide that Rihanna is the best and forget the rest, which is what I have chosen.

 

Great art can mean many things, one thing, nothing at all. So can mediocre half-ass efforts like the two images I just posted.

I Wrote Rap Lyrics for a Bjork Remix

May 19th, 2015

In 2004, Bjork released her sixth studio album, Medulla. One of the songs on this album, “Triumph Of The Heart” was released as a single early the next year, where it charted in the United Kingdom, Spain and France.

 

That’s where I come in. In 2005, I was really starting to get the Kentucky Prophet thing underway and what better way to kick off a hot career in hip-hop by collaborating by an internationally recognized artist like Bjork.

 

 

As you can imagine, my work with Bjork was ill-fated, in the sense that I never got to collaborate with her and she has no idea I exist TO THIS DAY. Since it’s been over ten years since this would-be collaboration fell through, I feel comfortable sharing with you the lyrics I would have used for the remix.

 

I realize now that this was not my best work but you have to keep in mind this was 2004/2005-ish and while my lyrics lack a certain grace(?), fragility (?), talent (?), they are certainly in keeping with some popular variations of the rap form. Now that I’ve got the apology out of the way. . .

 

Yo Bork, I hear you from Iceland

Lemme go there, make it Paradiseland

Make it Very Niceland

Don’t give birth to kids, let your pussy be a vice grip

Let me in that tight shit

Rock you like a hurricane

Like a scorpio with a paranoid android membrane

Shout out to Thom Yorke, Bork.

Let me give you radio head, get you radio play

Every soldier in the Army of Me gotta get laid

Hey Bork, I know you wildin’

In the airport passin’ out violence

From the Medulla oblon-gotta get up in the guts

Oooh baby let me squeeze your butt

Light the menorah

Blow your brains out like that stalker in Florida

I believe that this is the jam of the year

Motherfuck Lars Von Trier

I Wrote A TV Theme Song

May 19th, 2015

There’s a hot new wrestling promotion out there. NXT? Lucha Underground? Nope, even hotter than that. So hot they haven’t had their first show yet.

 

Of course I’m talking about Global Force Wrestling. The company, started and ran by Jeff Jarrett will undertake its’ first live events and TV tapings this summer.

 

SLIDE-01

 

Any TV show needs a theme song, and I have supplied one myself. I haven’t heard back from GFW or Jarrett but I’m confident my song will be the one that opens GFW’s TV show when it finally airs at a date on a channel t.b.d.

 

Mike Farmer’s GFW Theme Song (lyrics and proof of concept)

 

Look out, old timer!

’cause the new kid’s back in town!

Jeff Jarrett’s got a brand new gig!

And he aint messin’ around!

We got Chael Sonnen talking!

Telling you what’s going on!

And we’re gonna knock your socks off!

Even if you don’t have any on!

(chorus:)

We are GFW!

And we don’t give a damn!

Global Force Wrestling is here!

We live for bodyslams!

We aint takin’ no prisoners!

No mercy, no remorse!

A horse is a horse is a horse of course!

Are you ready to JOIN THE FORCE?

(this part shouted by the entire GFW roster:)

HASHTAG JOIN THE FORCE!

HASHTAG JOIN THE FORCE!

HASHTAG JOIN THE FORCE!

HASHTAG GEORDI LAFORGE!

Wrestlers Who Sing (Meme)

May 13th, 2015

Meme time.

0a2b2544 thepopeSINGS AUSTINANDROCKSING Heymansings AMBROSECENASING jimrosssings lawlersings otungasings samoajoeandkurtsing PunkSINGS

Taylor Swift & Aphex Twin (Finally!)

October 26th, 2014

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I am enjoying the Taylor/Aphex mashup “APHEX SWIFT”. Maybe it should have been called “Tayphex”, but that’s not even a quibble. “APHEX SWIFT” is the work of David Rees (from Get Your War On, the comic strip), who has posted this along with a blog detailing two theories.

 

Theory 1: Aphex Twin is as big a romantic cornball as Taylor Swift

Theory 2: Taylor Swift is as scary as Aphex Twin.

 

I’ll add my own theory to the mix. A lot of music snobs may respect Aphex Twin, but have a hard time actually listening to him. Like he’s Captain Beefheart with sequencers. At the same time, those same people may turn down their nose at Taylor Swift but listen to her music and it is obvious how well she’s handled the art of pop formula music. In fact, more people probably listen to her than will take credit/shame for it. A lesser mind would call her music “guilty pleasure” but in 2014 how can enjoying music be guilt-inducing, even if the singer has her own line of Barbie-doll knockoffs.

 

Fact: I once attempted a bit of social engineering by buying my cousin’s daughter a Taylor Swift doll instead of the Barbie one would normally ask for. I did this because the Taylor doll had a guitar, which I considered a better accessory than Barbie’s fancy handbag.

 

Before you ask, no the clothes do not come off the Taylor Swift doll. I didn’t try, I swear. I think John Mayer tweeted about it.

 

I guess I can junk this mashup I was working on. The Orb and Katy Perry. The jokes wrote themselves. I was beat to the punch by a superior effort.

Stupid Kiss. Stupid Me.

October 16th, 2013

Kiss is the Hulk Hogan of rock music.

 

Kiss and Hulk Hogan each had a few good years and took those years and rode those years like a surfer rides a wave. They had more than one peak. Kiss had a resurgence when they took the makeup off and Hulk Hogan became a bad guy by joining the New World Order (nW0).

 

In the late-90s, Kiss put their famous makeup back on and reunited their original lineup. Not long after, Hulk Hogan stopped being a villain, quit the nWo and put on his famous yellow/red tights and embraced the fans again.

 

Kiss is eligible for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame this year, as they have been for a long time. They may or may not get in and it doesn’t matter. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is not a very big deal in the end, neither is the WWE Hall of Fame which Hulk Hogan is an inductee.

 

We really celebrate people for stupid reasons. I can’t name any American Nobel Prize winners apart from Al Gore and Barack Obama. And yet I know the careers of Kiss and Hulk Hogan intricately. Mainly, I wanted to point out the similarities in Kiss and Hulk Hogan.

Worst Lyrics By A Famous Artist

March 28th, 2013

I submit that the following verse is the worst set of lyrics you will ever hear from a famous, established artist.

Now hear this, Robert Zimmerman,
Though I don’t suppose we’ll meet.
Ask your good friend Dylan
If he’d gaze a while
Down the old street.
Tell him we’ve lost his poems
So they’re writing on the walls.
Give us back our unity.
Give us back our family.
You’re every nation’s refugee.
Don’t leave us with their sanity.

Now who would write such a terrible lyrical fluffjob about Bob Dylan to Bob Dylan? And in 1972, nonetheless?

If you guessed David Bowie, give yourself a kewpie doll.

 

 

 

 

I know I’m supposed to be excited because Bowie just put out his first new album in a decade but remember that he wrote and released the verse above on a song called (creatively enough) “Song For Bob Dylan”. It was on the 1972 album Hunky Dory, which has so many great songs on it like “Changes”, “Life On Mars” and “Kooks” and then in the middle of side two there’s this awful Dylan pastiche. David Bowie sometimes makes the bad lyrics work, like “Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth” but others he can’t salvage at all, like “Putting out fire with gasoline!”

 

Don’t believe me? Start listening to the video about 2:25 when the verse I’m talking about kicks in. See if you don’t get a douche-chill.

 

Bob Dylan should have been shot for all the bad music he inspired.

 

It’s easy to criticize a Bieber or a Britney or a LMFAO but they weren’t trying all the hard or aiming that high to begin with. You show me the song where Justin Bieber sings an ode to Fran Lebowitz or Christopher Hitchens, then we’ll talk.

 

Also, in the last week I’ve criticized Dylan, Bowie and the Flaming Lips. I am really trying to lose friends around here.

Bad Art: Some Slogans I Came Up With

March 10th, 2013

hipahoy

hitexits

deadchickens

heavenonyourbutthole

More Bad Art: Things I Like

January 10th, 2013