Posts Tagged ‘2016’


December 16th, 2016

We are three days and one press conference away from all kinds of amazing stuff taking place.


The press conference is from Barack Obama, who is still our President at least until January 20, 2017. This would normally be the time that he gives his last press conference of the year before heading on Christmas vacation with his family.


That’s probably not happening this time. Obama will be gone January 20, 2017 but everything between now and then is up for grabs. And it’s all because of the complete wtf’ery between Election Day and now. And of course, you know who is at the epicenter of it.


It would be one thing for Obama to pass the Presidency to a racist, a sexist, an anti-semite, a bigot of the first division. Not a great thing, but it is one thing. Quite another to pass it to someone who denies reality, especially the reality that Russia was most certainly involved interfering in a federal election, especially when that intelligence comes from federal agencies.


What’s on tap for this press conference today? America’s retaliation against Russia. The transition from his administration to the oncoming one, which might going haltingly. Who knows what else? Probably won’t take the time to review “Rogue One”. Get the popcorn ready.


This leads to Monday’s electoral college. Trump has 306 pledged electors. It would take 37 of his pledged electors to vote against him to deny him the Presidency. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t occur but these are not normal circumstances. But would 37 (or more) Republican electors break from their pledge?


Here is what we know: Trump hasn’t disclosed his taxes. So we don’t know his exact worth or what he’s holding. But we do know he has business deals in place in Turkey, Argentina, the Philippines, Japan and Taiwan. The Turkish government arrested one of his business partners and is holding him until we extradite a Muslim clerk who fled to Pennsylvania after a failed coup. In other words, his business holdings are an international liability.


We also know that Trump denies any Russian interference in our election. He’s taking Russia’s side in the whole deal. Oh boy. As I said, one thing to pass the Presidency over to a bigot, another thing to pass it over to someone who has no use for even the idea of democracy.


Even Republicans might have a problem with this. They wouldn’t have to flip to Hillary Clinton. My theory (call it a hope) is that perhaps enough of the electors either abstain from Trump or vote for an alternate Republican. At this point, most Republicans who aren’t Mike Pence seem reasonable. Reasonable when compared to Trump, that is.


Trump fails to get 270, the matter gets kicked to the House of Representatives. Who’s the Speaker of the House? Paul Ryan, who has no spine whatsoever but obviously loathes Trump so much you’d think Trump was made of Medicare. Each state would have a vote. They would not have to vote for Trump. It would come down to the top three choices in the electoral vote, which would likely be Trump, Clinton and a third person t.b.d. while the Senate gets to pick the Vice-President. Would the House choose Trump after all? I bet they wouldn’t, after having their party mocked and demolished for a year-plus by this guy.


That’s when things get interesting. As if they couldn’t be interesting enough already.

Guest Column (& Note From The Doctor)

December 11th, 2016

Dr’s Note: Sometime about December 9, it was revealed that Russia had indeed interfered with the 2016 Presidential election. CIA intel had been reported to President Obama and reported in major news outlets throughout the country and world. 


The effect of this breaking news on’s namesake, Mike Farmer, has not been fully determined as of Sunday the 11th. For his safety and that of others, he is being contained in an observation unit in Daviess County. He is not allowed to use the Internet, unless of course he wants to watch pornography. Due to restricted access, he has been unable to write for this website. This is the first time in my years of medical service that I can remember any patient wanting to use the Internet for non-pornographic use. 


In lieu of Mr. Farmer’s absence from the website, here is a copy of a tweet-thread from Eric Garland (@ericgarland) discussing game theory in regards to Russia’s long play to destabilizing the American republic. What follows are Eric Garland’s words. Some pictures have been added for context and for feng shui. 


  • <THREAD> I’m now hearing this meme that says Obama, Clinton, et al. are doing nothing, just gave up. Guys. It’s time for some game theory.
  • ACTOR ANALYSIS: The Russians enter the Game with a broad objective, flexible tactics, and several acceptable outcomes.
  • Russian interests have been, for many years now, the subversion of Western institutions, principally NATO, but any will do.
  • This subversion can take many forms: driving wedges between US-Commonwealth-Euro intel cooperation, break up NATO, create chaos.
  • This game has been developing for many years, is asymmetrical, and much cheaper than building a decent aircraft carrier.
  • Plus, the Russians f**king rule at covert shit. Always have. Ask a cold warrior. Mucho respect for our adversaries. They do clever work!
  • Post-communism, they’re reduced to Drunk Uncle status in the global balance of power. Mouthy, smart, degraded, much reduced in stature.
  • Russians as *people* are civilized, artistic, enamored of brilliance and tragedy, and generally proud. And should be. They do not like this.
  • From this position launches an initiative from an old hand at the KGB, now solidified in influence: Subvert for the throat. Go big. Go hard.


  • While the West is frivolous and lazy and “Post-History,” the clever take advantage. And here begins our present story.
  • Let’s skip ahead to “Wikileaks.” BRILLIANT. Ingratiate the Left into this anti-establishment distrust of Western intel.
  • George W Bush and Dick Cheney being slovenly, reckless idiots, the moral authority of Iraq and US intel is nil. In step “journalists.”
  • Stealing hard drives from US intel and dumping them to foreign agents? That’s *snicker* “journalism!” FREE SPEECH! ROFLMAO.
  • Oh, and such grand characters, so well run: Manning, Greenwald. So righteous, yet fragile! And feisty! Try a Twitter war with Glenn!
  • OH YOU PHILISTINE, YOU JUST HATE JOURNALISM! *sigh* *swigs something strong* And Moscow must have been doubling over.
  • THEN, OMG, that worked so well that the pièce de résistance was next: SNOWDEN!!! BOOYAH! THE BIG GAME! NSA! PRISM! SPASM!
  • (incidentally, the NSA was about the only agency the Russians took seriously) But then this EARNEST young man. He tells THE TROOTH!
  • And still hungover from the rotten venality of the Iraq War and Bush’s perversion of the IC as reliable, Wikileaks journalisms the NSA!
  • DON’T YOU CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE. HARD DRIVES FROM THE NSA IZ JOURNALISM! Even when you take the files to Brazil! Honest! Ask Glenn!
  • And then, automagically, our man Ed ends up…what’s this now? In Russia? Well, they are such welcoming folks! How…nice!
  • Langley and Fort Meade run out of bourbon in about three hours, and every intel guy in Russia is drunk, dancing on the desks, and LAFFING.
  • AND THE LEFT! HOLY F**KING ADORABLE BATMAN! Honi soit qui mal y pense! How dare you suggest untoward Russian involvement! Journamalisms!!!!
  • US intel snorts all of the Robotussin in the DC/MD/VA area. Putin calls Snowden “A weird guy.” LOLZ. Moving on to the current chapter.
  • MEANWHILE, AT THE FOX NATION FORUMS: The other part of this impressive op is percolating – the buttress of the Alt-Right.
  • ONCE UPON A TIME, Dan Rather chased Nixon around a room asking him questions VERY HARSHLY and the notion of the Evil Media Elite was born.
  • See, because Nixon got impeached, that meant the media was in on it! WaPo! NYT! Traitors! We look bad! And the media hate begins.
  • Never mind that to know something in Topeka, somebody’s gotta send you a newspaper or a radio signal or whatevs: The Media Is Lying.
  • Now, it’s true, high level journalists and editors don’t always see the world like Johnny Lunchpail in Missouri. True facts. But. Trouble.
  • Republicans decide to create a whole new layer of think tanks and media outlets in the 1980s dedicated to The Other Side.
  • The think tanks have a POV, but some are quite good, Cato in particular. Heritage came up with what’s now Obamacare. AEI…ehhh. 2 outta 3.
  • But then the media play comes in. The cranky insane tent pastors on AM radio get…a makeover. They become Legitimate. Embraced.
  • Magnates start investing in outlets. Brand new pundits get huge audiences yelling about The Way Things Ought to Be (for White People).
  • And it’s more successful than free chicken and beer. The money flows, the ratings swell. An Australian starts a TV network in the US.


  • What develops is an attractive, well-produced alternate universe. You no longer need an alternate take. You have alternate facts.
  • Al Gore mutters and bores his way out of a presidency in a race against a guy who spoke English like he learned it from Rosetta Stone.
  • And now, the stage is set for a metastasis of batshit nuttery, jingoism, and irrational autocratic fervor. A party becomes a cult.
  • September 11, 2001 occurs. A buncha guys are in DC who couldn’t wait to go to Iraq. And the right wing media is shiny and tuned-up.
  • We go kick a bunch of barbarian ass in Afghanistan, as well we should have. They were beating women and destroying Buddhas. F**k ’em.
  • But then, The Axis of Evil Speech. And all the analysts in DC I know collectively go, “Oh, fuuuuu…they’re not serious, are they?”
  • Bill Clinton spent most of his years pounding the living snot out of Hussein. Dude built anything funny lookin’, in came the rockets.
  • There was one concerning nation-state for most, and – hint – it’s in Asia. The other threat was non-state actors. *ahem* Which played out.
  • And now – *headdesk* – they’re going to Iraq. With bullshit intel. Goddamn it. GODDAMN IT. This is going to suck, said smart people.
  • And there’s the entire right-wing think tank and media machine blaring, careening, gloating. From the gov’t itself, and from every outlet.


  • And goddamn, did those media outlets sell a lot of ads for trucks, pain killers, pharmaceuticals and financial services. $$$$$$
  • Many earnest patriots also pointed out, hey, um, there apparently are no weapons that could have blown up Cleveland, so…
  • But now, this whole thing has morphed into tribalism. YES THEY DID TOO FIND WEAPONS OF MASS DEPRESSION AND YOU SUCK BUSH ROCKS PUSSY
  • Ann Coulter comes on TV to talk over B-roll of rusty munitions WE SOLD HUSSEIN and said, well look, there they are. Total. Propaganda.
  • America looks like shit. Our intel services take a helluva beating. Iraq’s invasion – which was basically unplanned – results in chaos.
  • Katrina. Bush. Looking out the window. Confused. Hey, but in intel news, the National Geospatial-Intel Agency helps critically.
  • 2008. The housing Ponzi we used to get out of the DotComBust-9/11-era recession has now gone pear-shaped. Utterly nuclear.
  • America’s banks, the one thing other than movies and video games we do reliably, all shit the bed simultaneously.
  • We then elect a cappuccino-colored president whose middle name is Hussein. The Right goes completely over the f**king cliff into insane.
  • This political movement happens when the only thing Obama has really said with conviction is “Fired up! Ready to go!” In late November 2008.
  • But ON GEORGE WASHINGTON’S GRAVE THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR!!! And the entire right-wing media gets its next several years of revenue LOCKED.
  • Now, we’ve got a really, reaaaally fertile field in which former KGB agents can make a long play. And Moscow gets to work.
  • America’s at this weird nihilistic place, which is one thing for France and Russia, but NOT for earnest midwesterners who are agape.
  • Now the American Left has got some juice back again. But the Right is just apoplectic from pure suffering. Both are ripe for subversion.
  • The Left is out of love with American business and military-industrial, the Right foams at the mouth against legitimate government.
  • And the guys who have been twisting minds from Vladivostok to Havana and back get to work building an “alt” media structure.
  • We’ve already covered the genius of that who Wikileaks op on the Left. SCORE! Now for the perversion of the formerly nationalist Right.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THERE’S A BLACK DUDE IN THE WHITE HOUSE! LIVING THERE! It’s not hard to convince Southerners this is insane.
  • But put a little elbow grease in on some internet forums, and pretty soon you can have Northern John Adams-type conservatives, too.
  • A whole generation of disaffect Rush Limbaugh fans (WE LISTENED AND DITTOED SO HARD WHY IS THERE A BLACK DUDE THERE?) is ripe for picking.
  • In addition to alt-finance sites and “Russia Today” a new TV network, they start infiltrating “social media.”
  • Disclosure: Because I’m mouthy all the time like this, RT had me on as a guest. They prop up US “subversives.” And they don’t edit you!
  • Fun fact: Al Jazeera and RT just let me talk. US media almost always wants some hand in your final product before booking you. Ironic, no?
  • But from about 2009 to the 2016 election, a madness is being brewed and slowly poured down the throats of increasingly hysterical Americans.
  • When you imbibe from this potion, everything is awful and everyone official is lying to you. Only other members of the cult are with you!
  • US media, which is complicit in many of our problems, is portrayed for the extremists as conspiratorial liars. All the time.
  • Formerly sane members of US society start sounding like my schizophrenic grandfather, who said Government was keeping him from His Mission.
  • Only the Gubmint knew the Archangel Gabriel was sending him to find the next Jesus. So, cut it out, CIA! Stop it, Giant Conspiracy!
  • And then people you knew from Functional Daily Life started talking that way. People with car dealerships. Dentists. Regular folk.
  • They started with CONSPIRACY, especially after 2012, because DAMMIT NO THERE SHOULDN’T BE A BLACK DUDE TWO TERMS NOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO


  • A CABAL CALLED The Pentaveret: The Queen. The Pope. The Gettys. The Rothschilds. AND COLONEL SANDERS, BEFORE HE WENT TITS UP!
  • If you haven’t unfollowed by now, 1. You’re nuts and 2. Thank you for indulging my So I Married an Axe Murderer reference.
  • MOVING ON. The conspiratorial fever at about 108, we begin the 2016 election – AGAINST EVERYTHING HOLY – in 2015.
  • The Republicans debate over 712 times, discussing topics such as who hated Obamacare more, and who had a large penis. Jesus, that happened.
  • The Democrats all debate who’s going to get out of Hillary’s way first, except for VERMONT’S OWN BERNIE SANDERS, who…gets popular?
  • I’m from Vermont and have known Bernie forever, so I’m very surprised, but everyone kinda likes it. Hillary wins anyhow.
  • And now, the target for electoral mischief is enormous. Hillary is the most known quantity in America, with huge backstory.
  • Creating a conspiracy narrative around the Clintons is like creating a “southern” narrative around NASCAR and grits.
  • Now – with Trump as the non-conformist, not-like-all-the-other-rotten-conspiratorial-assholes paragon, the Russians go into overdrive.


  • The Russians didn’t create Trump – only New York City and American gullibility could have done that. But they’ve got a SWEETHEART outcome.
  • Trump – a moron – is probably unlikely to take the whole enchilada, but that’s perfect. If he gets close enough, he can cry UNFAIR! forever.
  • Amazing scenario for Russia – instead of RT, they get an institutional nihilist chowderhead with American credentials. They butter him up.
  • Hell, to hear many tell of it, they have kompromat on him. But anyhow, they invest in his stuff. He was there in 2013. They have a lever.
  • IF on the off chance, Trump actually (and who could guess this) wins, then…wow, they’ve got quite an opening.
  • Either way, on the run-up to Nov 2016, Russian involvement was as subtle as a fart in a spacesuit.
  • The U.S. IC had its hair on fire. This situation was incredibly dangerous. A paranoid U.S. faction backing a rogue with ties to Russia.
  • OK, Jesus, at LONG LAST, back to my initial premise. Why didn’t Obama and Clinton “do something?” JESUS, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
  • You come out and have the CIA enter the goddamn race for Clinton? True or not, we look like some weird cryptofascist state.
  • Or, you let the Russkis laugh and taunt and infiltrate Facebook with majillions of propaganda tales for idiots? Just let them run around?
  • Do you come out the day after this totally weird-smelling abomination of an election with all its technical difficulties?
  • Do you tell America the day after the election that Russia spearfished all of our think tanks in brazen fashion?
  • Hillary, for her part, gives a brief and all-too-calm speech and goes hiking. Probably the best move on the board.
  • Obama WELCOMES! Mr. Trump in an intense, welcoming welcome. To the White House. Mr. Big Winner Guy! Welcome! Fellow American!
  • Trump looks like he swallowed a goldfish and stares at the floor a bit too long. As if maybe a joke has gone too far.


  • In the next month, a small band of propagandists run in a circle and try to look like they’re forming a government. It’s ungainly.
  • And now, it’s December 11th. Trump says he don’t need no stinkin’ intel agencies. Russia (BWA HAHAHAHAAAA) blames Ukraine! LOLOLOLOLZZZ
  • A lot of Republicans stare into the middle distance, except for McCain and Graham who are NOT HAVING THIS SHIT. (I salute you, gentlemen.)
Not Graham or McCain

Not Graham or McCain

  • And here we are. Americans. Hopefully soon united. This isn’t a partisan issue. Obama isn’t late to the party. People are doing their jobs.
  • If you think any of this is easy, you’re ignorant and delusional. Tonight, though, I write to you with great hope.
  • This may be America’s finest hour, as we act together with unshakable resolve to deal with enemies foreign and domestic.
  • We have done so in the past and come out a stronger, more just, more pluralistic nation. We will do so now. And for me? Or die trying.
  • America is the steward of a genius system entrusted to flawed stewards whose descendants seem to act on the right side of history.
  • This system is not rotten, not beyond repair, not exiled from the future. We have been infiltrated by agents who would drive us mad.
  • This is a nation built on civilization, humanity, and reason, rejecting the febrile superstitions of the past. It must stand. And will.
  • We are at present in a place of danger where some of our fellow citizens have forgotten our most cherished values. We’ve been here before.
  • America, reluctantly but dutifully, recognizes its internal contradictions and failings. Slavery. Racism. Internment. Classism.
  • The genius documents that gave rise to noble American sentiments were themselves authored by those who failed them. (h/t @ Mr. Jefferson)
  • We spilled the blood of our brothers to resolve the contradictions of slavery and then abandoned the project while killing Indians.
  • Americans proclaimed the equality of all men while treating women as chattel and all non-whites as lesser. We are indeed hypocrites.
  • But to be American is to accept that unflinchingly and to soldier forth for future generations, and DO BETTER, GODDAMN IT.
  • There are those who would mire us in worldly cynicism, to anchor us in a world where our institutions betray forever, where values perish.
  • And to be American is to face that intellectual, moral, and spiritual assault with the unshakeable devotion to something more lofty.
  • And when that loftiness fails, as it so often does, to be American is to seize it again and again, knowing that our Creator desire Progress.
  • Progress can come from Traditionalists or Labor Unionists or mystics or musicians or doctors or Senators or journalists. All are exhorted.

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

Local 1999 President Chuck Jones

  • The Progress demanded by our Creator can be achieved by immigrants and natives, skeptics and believers, the elite and the humble alike.
  • That is America. That is the promise that Americans oft ignore and which more cynical nations would defile for their own gain.
  • That America will last long after I have died, long after new people have picked the torch. Long after we betray it again, as we will.
  • But America will go on, even if by another name, unless all who have heard her name are extinguished. This is just the locus of promise.
  • America came from the olive groves of Italy and the shipyard of Plymouth and the islands of the Philippines. Indivisible.
  • America came from the Torah and Voltaire’s Candide and Adam Smith and zen koans and Greek mathematics and Rumi’s poetry.
  • America is all these things, and should yet another absolutist demagogue, foreign or domestic seize her, it will be far from the end.
  • Now is a time for patriots. It’s also Sunday afternoon. I’m gonna get a beer and watch football. God Bless America, and all nations.
  • </THREAD>


Frank & Fred

November 24th, 2016

There’s a lot of women out there who love buying $70 yoga pants, right? That’s a top-of-the-line price for yoga pants, right? I assume so. I’m not an expert in the women’s yoga pants realm. But I know a lot about Frank Zappa, the late American composer. And I’m pretty sure that Frank Zappa does not have much of a female fanbase.


from Diva Zappa's twitter

from Diva Zappa’s twitter


That is Kat Dennings from 2 Broke Girls wearing a pair of yoga pants with the cover of “We’re Only In It For The Money” by the Mothers Of Invention.



Should be on yoga pants, right? Right.


Some Zappa fans are outraged that Diva Zappa is selling yoga pants with her father’s image and iconography on it. I’m personally ehhh about it. Hey, go ahead. Sell some yoga pants if you can. I guess Diva is selling this to people who have money.


This has been a disaster of a year. A bunch of awesome musicians and Glenn Frey died. The Cubs won the World Series and then a week later we killed democracy. Now Frank Zappa’s face is all over a bunch of designer yoga pants which is another development in an aggressive-aggressive sibling feud. Lady Gaga bought the Zappa mansion. Kanye had a breakdown onstage. American Idol ended at some point. Now the Nazis are back. I’d be glad to take back American Idol if we could get rid of the Nazis.


I’m typing on Thanksgiving at three in the morning. November 24, 2016. It is the 25th anniversary of the death of Freddie Mercury.


When I was in high school, I took a lot of flack and got picked on regularly for being a major Queen fan. I admired the singer, performer and songwriter Freddie Mercury. The same man who I was told repeatedly by my classmates was a queer, a faggot, who died of AIDS. This was not somebody to be admired, not in their wanna-be-macho eyes.


I was defiant. I was right. What’s the old saying? First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. I won because I stood up to the people who picked on me. I survived. And many of them had their personal favorite Queen songs but didn’t talk about it.


I am the person I am in part because of my high school years. Queen and later Frank Zappa were very important to me then and still are. It was music. Only music and yet it means so much. I learned about where the things I like come from.


Freddie died at 45. Frank was 52 when he went a few years later. Time is so precious.


You Don’t Believe We’re Post-Truth, Do Ya?

November 18th, 2016

Really? Post-truth? We’re not doing that. You might think we are, but that’s not how we’re going to proceed from here on out. You know who thought facts were stupid things? Ronald Reagan, that’s who. Ronald Reagan is also dead as a doornail and has been since about 1983.


Facts and policy don’t matter as much as emotions and feelings about a subject. For example, the fact that Hillary Clinton was not in favor of partial birth abortions except in cases where the mother’s health was in danger and that she said as much was not as important to a segment to the population who just feels like she’s a horrible bitch and a baby killer who would shoot retarded babies on sight.


I will have facts on my side when I go to Thanksgiving dinner. It will come up. It has to come up. We’re all fucked. We’re staring at the abyss. Will it matter that I’ve actually read things and done research? Will it matter more than what my relatives believe about a thing? It may not to them but it will to me.


I’ve been informed that Ronald Reagan died in 2004 and not 1983. In fact, Ronald Reagan continued to serve as President beyond his death in 1983 all the way to 1989, when then-deceased George H.W. Bush succeeded him. I apologize for this error.


Stephen Colbert called it “truthiness”. Now it’s called post-truth. Like calling Internet tough guy neo-nazis/white nationalists “alt-right” suddenly puts a more positive spin on the subject. Truth is still important. It’s especially important because our next president (ugh) is someone who does not have the truth in him.


Buh-buh-buh but Hillary lied too. . . EVERYBODY FUCKING LIES. PICK SOMEONE WHO’S NOT TERRIBLE AT IT. And there are people who will say he won even the popular vote which is not true. Hillary Clinton is leading in the polls by 1.4 million as of the last check.


It has been confirmed by multiple sources that the Russians got involved with this election. To what extent is unknown and that is why we need an investigation. We need an audit of the ballots because it’s clear that this a serious problem. He’s going to appoint open racists to his cabinet. Nobody can stop him, no matter how much they rebuke him. But what they can do is open that investigation and make sure that the people did in fact vote in Donald Trump, and not a group of Russian hackers. Everything else is Chicken Little screaming until that is accomplished.



Post-Truth: Word Of The Year

November 16th, 2016


I’m ambivalent about post-truth being the 2016 word of the year. The people at Oxford let me down again. Last year, they made the word of the year a crying with laughter emoji. At least this year they chose a word, or a hyphenated word.


I guess I’m ambivalent about the choice because I think the truth matters. People run on instinct and feeling more often than they run on objective analysis of date but that goes back to what I’ve said in the past. . . we don’t even agree on what we see. We can look at the same video and see it different ways depending on what perspective and bias we bring.


It’s almost as if the truth doesn’t matter anymore to a lot of people. What else doesn’t matter, then? Life itself? Does anything matter at all? Am I the only one who keeps hearing the voice of Michael Caine in The Dark Knight when he says “Some people just want to watch the world burn”?


But this is supposed to be about the word of the year: post-truth. This is your shining moment, post-truth. Drink it in. You’ll have all of 2017 to disregard the truth in place of how you feel. In the meantime, let’s take a moment to honor those runner-up words that could have just as easily made the top spot but didn’t for various reasons.


  • Bigly
  • Cuck
  • Shitpost
  • Beta
  • Deplorable
  • Trumpers
  • E-mail
  • Alt-right
  • Meh

The Calm

November 6th, 2016

One last Sunday before Election Day. The calm before. . . the storm? the flood? the apocalypse? Sunday is the Lord’s day and whether you believe in Him or not, this is as good as any time to rest because next week is going to be crazy.


As if the previous ten months haven’t been completely bizarre, I know. Death, destruction, the end of the Cold War and the sharp rise in tension between our country and Russia. It has been a year where we learned the difference between “the lesser of the two evils” and “six of one, half a dozen of the other”. It was easy to get those confused in the past. I would not throw out “evil” so easily but when one of the major candidates for President is endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan, has supporters in the FBI and is backed by the Russian government. . . how else can you put it? A Russian head-of-state with a mind to undermine the electoral process and the public’s faith in said process. It’s almost as if the most universally hated people decided to back Donald Trump. Roger Ailes, Martin Shkreli, Ann Coulter, David Duke, Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin.


For years, Glenn Beck was one of the most hated conservative voices. A kinder way to put it is that he is “divisive” because he has a fan base that allowed him to leave the platform of cable TV punditry to start his own media network. And he thinks Donald Trump is dangerous and unfit to be President.


But this was supposed to be about the calm. The calm, folks. Because something stupid is going to happen on Tuesday. I don’t know what it will be, and I’m pretty sure no one else does. We need the calm right now. A day of rest. Watching football. Listening to music. Laughing at the little things.


This is my white privilege at work. Because I will stroll into my voting place on Tuesday and vote. I will sign in and it will be a painless process, taking little to no time. I wasn’t one of the millions of Latino voters who stood in line for early voting last week. I will not have to stand in a long line. Voter suppression is a thing I don’t have to worry about. Because I’m white. I live in a predominately white part of the country. It isn’t fair for Latino or Black voters who are being disenfranchised by voter suppression efforts.


What has the patriarchy ever done for me? I want everybody else to get some of this good freedom. So I talk about the calm before the storm and while a guy in my situation is on shaky ground, I am far from in the worst position here. I don’t stand to have my rights rolled back based on my sexuality, gender or skin color. Nobody asks me for my immigration papers when I get pulled over.


I get a calm and other people don’t and that isn’t fair. I wanted to write about other things as a distraction but instead here we are. I was going to write about Hunter S. Thompson and how you many of his books you really need (three or four, tops). Maybe I would stray into the future of third-party presidential candidates (tl;dr version: a future of Evan McMullin-types who do well enough in one state to mess up elections for the two major parties).


Oh, and if you’re wondering what if any Thompson books you need, I’ll cut to that now. At most you need Hell’s Angels, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, and The Great Shark Hunt. If you want more, get Fear And Loathing ’72: On The Campaign Trail. You don’t need any more. You definitely do not need any of his fiction, like The Rum Diary. And you don’t need to see the movie with Johnny Depp. I say this as someone who has bought about ten of his books. I could have given that money to charity or saved it. Ooof.

The Unelectables

September 26th, 2016

What the fuck was that?


I’m sitting in my living room trying to decompress after the first presidential debate of 2016. And that’s the best I can come up with. What the fuck did I just see?


Without looking at any notes, let me see what I can recall off the top of my head. Big bullet point time.

  • Trump said Rosie O’Donnell deserved to the treatment he gave her during their public feud.
  • Clinton accused Trump of not paying federal income taxes and he admitted to it saying “That makes me smart.”
  • Trump mentioned being audited by the IRS for the last 15 years.
  • He got angry and said Clinton had been failing to deal with ISIS for her “entire adult life”. As if ISIS has been a thing that has gone on for decades.
  • Trump interrupted Clinton 40 times in the first 26 minutes (according to one statistic that I can’t recall).
  • Lester Holt (the moderator) corrected Trump about his stance on the war and quoting the Howard Stern interview from 2002, saying “On the record…” before Trump snarled “The record shows I am right!”
  • Clinton literally laughed at him when he said he had a better temperament than her. As did everyone else.
  • Trump mentioned his ten-year-old son having the Internet when asked about cyber security.
  • Clinton told him he lived in his own reality and he didn’t dispute it.
  • Trump said he would release his tax returns when Clinton released the 33,000 lost e-mails.
  • Clinton flip-flopped on TPP (big surprise).
  • Clinton: “I have lots of experience.” Trump: “Yeah, but bad experience.”
  • Trump said Clinton didn’t have the stamina to be President.
  • Trump had sniffles through the entire debate.


The sniffles. The fucking sniffles. That will be the big takeaway from this debate. Despite the blizzard of total bullshit that took place over nearly 100 minutes, the one thing we as a people will remember will be the goddamn sniffles. Hey, buddy, take an Afrin. Or don’t sniff coke before the big debate. Whatever, fuckin’ hell.


This is the best we could do? The nearly twenty months it takes to elect a President and these are the top two candidates. I understood Clinton was a favorite from jump, although I had hope for Bernie Sanders to sneak in and snatch the nomination from her. But Trump? That’s the best the Republicans could do? Really?


How the hell did you let this happen, GOP? This guy is the dirt worst. Was Mitt Romney too well read? Was John McCain too honorable? Was Chris Christie too fat? Your party is fucked, and so is the country but hey… I hope you had a few laughs and made some money while the getting was good.


In the marketplace of ideas, some people lick the storefront windows. One of them is a major candidate for President in our country.


What the fuck was that?


Cannonball Run II For President

July 29th, 2016

Have you ever seen the 1984 movie Cannonball Run II? It sucks. Don’t see it. It reminds me of the current political situation in the US, what with the election and the orange man who sucks and all the other bullshit.


You got Obama and Biden who won the last Cannonball Run, and though Obama and Biden aren’t running and can’t because of term limits they’re in the Cannonball Run and so is Donald Trump and Mike Pence who are deep in debt with Vladimir Putin. Later on in the movie, Obama and Biden are going to have to dress up as pretty belly dancers to rescue Trump from Putin. Don’t ask questions.


Also in the race are Hillary Clinton and Tim Paine and they’re in a limo with a false front that looks like a orangutang is driving in the front. It looks great, and everybody envies them. Two great-looking chicks (Elizabeth Warren and Jill Stein) are being chased throughout the race/movie by a phalanx of cops (led by Gary Johnson).


Bernie Sanders is with Jackie Chan in the Mitsubishi that can drive underwater and that’s the last time he’ll be referenced in this article.


Don’t try to make sense out of what I’m saying. It’s 3:30 in the morning. Cannonball Run II sucks and so does 2016 as an election and as a year.