Just A Bunch Of Threats

May 24th, 2017

Hey fucker. I’m going to slap the shit out of you, paintbrush-style. You better believe it, charlie.


(ED. Note: This is not addressed to anyone in particular, hence the lower-case in “charlie”. Any actual Charlie’s and Charles-types are safe IRL.)


You don’t like my romper, fella? Huh? Guess what, I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna drop you to the ground and piss all over you. To add insult to injury I’m going to take my romper off first. You better believe it. Have you ever been helpless, lying on the ground crying for help while being urinated on by a naked man with the vengeance of a VENGEFUL GOD? If you have, get ready for a flashback.


I’m gonna hit you with a stick. Several times. I’m gonna throw you into the wall and try to give your head a concussion. You better hope your insurance is paid up because I don’t have any insurance or I won’t after the Senate votes to repeal and replace Obamacare.


(ED. Note: In these scenarios I am fully clothed and probably not wearing a romper and all of this takes place in 2018 or later after the death of Obamacare.)


I’m gonna stuff an M-80 in your mouth with the wick sticking out. Am I going to light it? Depends? Have I broken your arms yet? Maybe I oughta break your arms? How would you like that? Being a helpless bitch with two broken arms about to have a M-80 explode your whole head. Life sucks and so do you, you dumb motherfucker. I’m going to take you to the top of the Capitol Records Building and show you how far of a fall it is to the bottom. Then I’ll take you back down to ground level and power bomb you like I’m Sycho Sid.


I’m going to break your legs and sodomize you with a broom. I saw that in one of the Predator movies. I think it was the second one. I think Arnold wasn’t in it but it took place in New York City and the Predator sodomizes one of his human hunters with a broom after breaking his legs. I’m not sure, I haven’t seen it. Anyway, that’s your future, broombutt.


I’m going to make you wear a tracksuit to your parents’ funeral.

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