Unlit

January 15th, 2017

It happened again yesterday. Thought about going out. Couldn’t bring myself to do it. I forgot how strong the depression and anxiety could be. It appears that I have underestimated my enemy.

 

I’m not the social person I used to be. What if I don’t know anybody? What if I only know one person and they’re working the room, too busy to sit with me? I can be alone at home, I don’t need to be alone out there surrounded by other people.

 

I don’t go out unless I have to and social events are not “have to”. I don’t put myself out there anymore. Please don’t look at me and judge me. You don’t know my life. All my friends went on with their lives and left me with mine.

 

My heart is a bottomless pit. It’s a tough environment. I put on the air of anger and defiance. Man cannot live on that alone. Sometimes I really am angry and defiant. Sometimes I am resigned to the dumbness of life. You lived your entire life like a unlit candle in a drawer. Never knowing what it felt like to know what your life was for.

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