Too Vague

May 26th, 2016

I had a lot on my mind this week but not everything on my mind ends up here. Otherwise this website would be updated hourly, at least daily. I try to have at least twenty-four thoughts a day. Most days I make it.


My bedroom closet is a mess, so I’ve spent about a half-day cleaning stuff out of it. I have more stuff than I have space to put the garbage in. No nearby dumpsters. It’s not garbage. Just old stuff. My past is in this closet. I’m not a fan of my past. Or maybe my past isn’t that bad compared to right now and I don’t want to think about that. Either way, I’m going to try to take out at least one or two garbage bags of closet stuff per week.


I have a rack of old clothes that could be given away to a nearby place. Bags and bags worth. I guess I saved them in case I lost weight. Forget it. Too optimistic right now. Optimism is a luxury, like getting a flu shot.


If your parents raised you right, you’ll grow up and understand that your parents weren’t and aren’t perfect. They did and do the best they can but have flaws and problems. That is what separates family from all those other people in your life that you write off because of one thing they do. Or one thing they believe that you cannot bring yourself to ignore.


Is this about my mom? Not so much. She did a phenomenal job considering she got no support from my birth father. This is about YOU being the adult for once.


There’s another reason why I wouldn’t want to be a parent and it’s been under my nose the whole time: that I would let my children down so often that they ceased to believe in me. I hate letting people down anyway, never mind potential offspring.


There’s so much more to say but not here. It involves other people and their business, and that would be not be fair to them. Moments when you need a friend to talk to, a shoulder to lean on.


But I end up being the shoulder. I’m always the shoulder in the end. One of you just be my damn shoulder for a little while. You know who you are.

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