Pariah

August 25th, 2015

It was hard to be a non-drinker in the social circle. “You don’t drink? Oh, you’re straight edge.” No, I wasn’t straight edge. I just didn’t drink. I still don’t. Nor did/do I have problem with other people drinking. I never thought I was better than anyone else for not drinking or taking drugs. Maybe somebody thought I did.

 

Every thing I have ever done has been done the hard way. I spent 90% of the time trying to find an easy way to do things, then spent the remaining 10% doing it the hard way. That’s hard work, you know.

 

It’s hard to pick up girls when you don’t drink and they do. There’s always a wall between me and the people who drink. Always a standoffishness that is never hinted at because I am not engaging in the same get-loose activity as them. What am I, a tattletale? Believe me, I know a lot of things that I don’t speak about. Not to mention the story of how drunk or high you got and how badly you behaved yourself is so boring. You know who else drank too much, threw up, pissed the bed, and put the cat in the fridge? A lot of people. Whether you called your ex at three in the morning or woke up with an electrical tape Hitler mustache and not known how it got there, it’s been done. It’s not even generational. It is as evergreen as. . . evergreen.

 

“I can’t have sex with this girl. She’s too drunk.” That’s me, Mr. Sober who can’t get his wick dipped because his date drank two pitchers with jello shots. Nobody goes to the bar to not drink except me because I sing in a band that plays bar.

 

I used to be a non-drinker in the social circle but I’ve solved that problem. I simply don’t go out anymore. My band hasn’t played a bar gig in over a year. Take that, you drunks. I hope I’m not harshing your mellow.

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