Potential Baseball Promotions

October 4th, 2014

Since MLB is in the playoffs, this gives the other teams that didn’t make the playoffs an opportunity to think up new ways to get fans to come watch games in 2015. If the New York Yankees are reading this, they may want to pay attention because they won’t have Derek Jeter again. I am giving these ideas away for free.


Ayn Rand Night. This will work especially well in Kansas City. The Royals play at Kauffman Stadium, which has a giant waterfall and (get this) fountain. Discounted copies of The Fountainhead for the first 1000 fans willing to buy them. NOTE: Do not misspell her on the big screen as “ANN Rand”. Big no-no.


Todd Rundgren’s Utopia Night. Seventh-inning stretch playing of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” will be replaced by a playing of Utopia’s thirty-minute”The Ikon”. Afterwards, umpires will call the game on account of curfew.


Bassnectar Night. Bassnectar performance after the game. Fireworks included. Being molested in the foam pit, no charge.


Finnish Civil War Night. Recommended for interleague play if the Reds play the White Sox. Managers for the Reds and White Sox will sign a peace treaty at the conclusion of the series.


Old Fashioned Fappening Night. First 1500 fans get a slide of questionable erotic content. All slides found in storage auctions and all depicted persons are long dead.

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