Archive for August, 2013

I Don’t Want To Tie You Down

August 28th, 2013

 

What a horribly sad song. In less than two minutes, Mister Runt gives it all away. Says it all without saying. A weird man with a bad pokerface.

 

He means it, though. He doesn’t want to tie you down. He doesn’t want to become a high-maintenance presence in your life. But he wants you to be in the moment with him. He fears becoming possessive, but he’s already obsessed. Maybe just maybe that horrible feeling would extinguish itself temporarily if you just gave the man some of your time. Maybe if you really wanted to be with him.

 

But that’s not going to happen, hence the song. There’s a really bad joke at the end “oh Jesus, I don’t want to nail you down” but it’s supposed to be there. A bad joke, bad self-effacing humor, ineffective ways of ingratiating oneself into someone’s life. Love is the drug, which is the name of another song.

 

If he truly believed himself to be a wizard and a true star, he wouldn’t have to write things like this to get someone’s attention. There aren’t many original lyrics on A Wizard, A True Star but the ones that are there have some personal significance. In the first song, he sings “I only want to see if you’ll give up on me”.

 

“You don’t need your head ’cause you talk too much?”

“Death without life, and life without meaning”

“You want the obvious, you’ll get the obvious”

“Today I saw a car crush my little dog under its’ wheel. It did not even stop, it just sped off and out of sight.”

“I thought there was some love in the world but I guess I’m wrong”

“Love between the ugly is the most beautiful love of all”

“Nothing gets you high when you’re hungry for love”

“All the times that you turn me down. Is it my name?… Why don’t you love me?”

 

Artists don’t have to manufacture sadness. The sadness is real. It’s the triumph over sadness that must be manufactured.

You Bum Me Out

August 27th, 2013

You are bumming me out right now, folks. You and your reaction to this MTV VMA/Miley Cyrus thing.

 

Can you just stop? It will really make me feel better. It might make you feel better too but I don’t care about that.

 

Don’t you have anything better to talk or think about? I get it. She has no ass and a yak’s tongue and what a slut and how dare we criticize her for  being a slut and why aren’t we criticizing that other guy for being a part of it and SHUT UP YOU FUCKING IMBECILES.

 

I have no faith in you. You do not deserve anything good. You are the ruiners of your own lives. You want bread and circus, you got it. Just don’t pretend you want otherwise. Fuck you in your own miserable faces.

Are You Mine?

August 21st, 2013

 

Are you mine? Are you my baby?

 

Kim Deal (Breeders/ex-Pixies) has a new song/video out, “Are You Mine?”.

 

This spoke to me as someone who is taking care of an older relative. This is the description on the Vimeo page for the video:

I live with my mother, who has Alzheimer’s.
In the house she’ll stop me, put her hand on my arm, and dearly ask, ”Are you mine?”
I say back to her, ”Yeah momma, i’m yours.”

 

The pain of mortality. The people you love living on borrowed time. More days behind them than in front, and such a narrow number. And all the memories they are losing. You have to have your memories of them to keep yourself from crying too much. Not forgetting who they were in spite of what they are becoming.

For Your Playlists

August 16th, 2013

 

For your playlist, I want you to do this. Play these two tracks back-to-back. Play Gentle Giant’s “Two Weeks In Spain” and then follow it up immediately with Funkadelic’s “You Hit The Nail On The Head.” I think it will work and you will enjoy it.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cviLIK7-yb8   (Gentle Giant)

 

The trick is to cut it as close as you can between the end of the first song and the beginning of the second one. It was easier to do in the days of mixtapes and cassettes. With online playlists, they’re spaced out automatically. Gentle Giant and Funkadelic don’t have a lot in common but lining these two tracks together makes sense to me.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD1p6ZnUXg4   (Funkadelic)

 

 

 

Tortured Into Orgasm

August 14th, 2013

I have an idea for a new TV show that can air on one of the major networks. It would be a game show, a la Millionaire, Deal Or No Deal, or Minute To Win It. The working title for the show would be called “TORTURED INTO ORGASM”.

 

In this show, each episode features both a man and a woman being bound down and having their genitals and other tender body parts tortured until they achieve orgasm. They will be tortured by a trained professional (i.e. a dom or domme) with a variety of instruments commonly used in the bondage community or whatever can be found in a kitchen or something. Close-ups will be shown of their horrified faces as they constrict in pain. There might be a timer in the corner of the screen.

 

 

Some of you might think that the show “TORTURED INTO ORGASM” is a literal depiction of sexual assault. Not true. There are prizes at the end.

 

This will be so popular there will be a celebrity edition of “TORTURED INTO ORGASM”, not unlike Jeopardy, except it features people who are on commercials that we hate like the guy from the credit report commercials or that red-head from the Wendy’s ads. If you knew you could see the free credit report jerk being milked with a Fleshlight while battery cables are chained to his nipples and a soup ladle hangs out his ass, I think the ratings for that episode would rival the Super Bowl.

 

 

Again, some of you protest this idea because of the show will depict graphic sexual torture on network television. You know something? I’m perfectly willing to compromise and syndicate it. Now “TORTURED INTO ORGASM” will air before the 5 o’clock news. Happy now?

Has To Get Better

August 14th, 2013

I have a new laptop. It has a new laptop smell.

 

Things are looking up for me. New laptop, new used car, new C-Pap coming in the next few weeks. Maybe things are really turning around.

 

I can’t turn it around on my own. “No man is an island.” I am big enough to be an island, but that doesn’t make it so.

 

This laptop has a battery that, when fully charged, will run on its’ own for hours. Will wonders never cease? My last computer ran for about five minutes without the power cord plugged in, or held in carefully because I never had the right plug for it. And the trackpad didn’t work and some keys were broken off.

 

Things are improving.

 

 

Another Crazy Idea

August 12th, 2013

I just had a thought: if Japanese women’s wrestling was on TV in the United States it would do really well. Especially if the girls were really cute, like Tsukasa Fujimoto. I would totally subscribe to her newsletter if I could read the damn thing.

 

(fan photo, probably)

 

Seriously, have you ever watched Japanese women’s wrestling, also known as “joshi”? That stuff is wild. You almost can’t figure out how they don’t break into a million pieces of fine. . . china. I’m sorry.

 

 

Isn’t it great? Manic little Japanese pixie girls screaming like tennis players before going all HADOUKEN on each other? This is so racist on my part.

 

Anyway, Joshi will also do this cool thing of having the pretty girl against the big bad mama, such as this match between Megumi Kudo against Aja Kong. This match took place in 1993, and it has the aura of a prize fight.

 

 

American women’s wrestling is really sorry. It’s not the fault of the women in WWE or TNA, but your best bet for decent in-ring action will take place at an independent show and even that is a crapshoot.

 

I know I’m right about bringing joshi to American TV. Just look at this graph I made.

 

thetruth

No No No No No

August 11th, 2013

I don’t have much to tell you these days.

 

The power supply jack on my laptop is wonky. I need to have it replaced or repaired. Things rarely fix themselves, especially old computers.

 

I like sleeping and I hate doing things. I feel unmotivated.

 

Oh, but I went into the studio last week to record a Kentucky Prophet track. I think it turned out alright, but I will say no more.

 

I will cut my hair when there is an official release date for the next Kentucky Prophet project.

RIP George Duke

August 6th, 2013

I first heard of George Duke because of the music of Frank Zappa. George Duke played keyboards and sang in Frank Zappa’s Mothers Of Invention.

 

 

Duke played in the Mothers on and off between 1970 and 1975. Even before his tenure with Zappa, he was an established name in the world of jazz music. After he left the Mothers, he made himself a star in the r&b and funk genres with songs like “Dukey Stick”.

 

Zappa’s music got me through a difficult time in my life, the mid-to-late 1990’s. Some of my favorite Zappa music was stuff that George Duke played and sang on.

 

(courtesy George Duke website)

 

 

It should be noted that Duke did not want to sing lead at first. Zappa thought he had the right voice for “Inca Roads” and pushed him to do it. As you can hear in the video up above, he was brilliant at it. He was also reticent to play the synthesizer but Zappa bought him one and nudged him into using it. He was brilliant at that too.

 

Don’t get me twisted, this isn’t just some case of a musician I like died so I’m trying to make him seem more important than he was. No less a musical authority than Questlove of the Roots was the first to tweet out the bad news regarding Duke’s passing.

 

Should’ve been you instead, Roy Estrada.