Music To Have Occult Sex Rituals To

April 7th, 2013

I’ll give you my choice: “Selected Ambient Works Volume 2” by Aphex Twin.

 

Back in my day, we used to call these this “album artwork”

 

Reason number one: It’s a two-disc set that plays for two hours and forty-five minutes. Put it on shuffle if you want but if you need longer than that to perform occult sex orgies, I envy your stamina.

 

Reason number two: It sounds like orgy background music. I don’t know for sure. I’ve only been to one swingers club in my life and they played pop and country hits like a bunch of popular rubes. Wouldn’t you rather have some dark ambient music to listen to for this special occasion? Perhaps a song you won’t encounter on a regular basis?

 

Aleister Crowley does not fornicate to Nickelback.

 

When you’re at the store and “Whatta Man” by Salt-N-Pepa comes on over the loudspeaker, do you want to be taken back to the time that same song played while you were in the dungeon. . . chained to the wall, being flogged by Mistress Jessika, while the one-thumbed black German man greases down a power drill with a phallic attachment for your impending punishment?

 

Do you really want “Whatta Man” to be in your head when that happens?

 

I just made myself precum.

 

 

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