Archive for April, 2012

My Favorite Prince Outtakes

April 25th, 2012

Prince, his purpleness, has had hundreds of unreleased songs leak out from his personal vault. Ranging from his early demos to songs recorded as recently as a few years ago, these provide a look into the creative process of one of music’s most prolific minds.

A few years, I obtained a copy of The Work, a TWENTY-DISC set sampling a portion(!) of his work between 1976 and the mid-90s. There is some fine work that never came out, for various reasons. There is also some really dull stuff on there. Especially when you get to the era when everyone agrees Prince began to not be awesome anymore (have you ever wanted to hear demos to the Carmen Electra album?)


Out of respect to His Purpletude, I will not link you to a download locale to these tracks. However, it won’t be hard to find these tracks. You certainly do not need all twenty discs of The Work. I could make do with a three-hour best-of.



Yes, kids. Prince and the Revolution recorded a thirty-minute version of the final track from the Purple Rain movie. I have no idea why they did it or why he did it, but it’s amazing. It’s a live take with solos after the singing ends a few minutes in. This song is like a make-your-own-DJ-set for people who want to DJ but don’t know how to match beats or switch songs. Just throw this one on and bob your head and do all the cool DJ fist-pumpy stuff and then get a blumpkin from a scene chick in the club toilet.


Dance-rock-paisley-pop version of “Around The World In A Day”

I never liked the original track on the album of the same title. Just thought it was too plodding and pseudo-psychedelic (especially when he did it much better on the rest of that album). Turns out there’s another version of that cut that’s a few minutes longer, and has a great dance beat that won’t relent while the guitars sound sitar-y. Better than what’s on the album, IMHO. I would dance around to this song like Michael Stipe in the “Shiny Happy People” video.


I would go on longer but I think I’ll play it safe with two songs you’re likely to have heard of.



Life Is An Illusion

April 24th, 2012

A wise friend of mine once told me that when it came to hitting on women, a fella has to put himself out there and be willing to experience rejection. For example, he might hit on fifty women in a given day, knowing that many of them will reject him outright. In my mind, I began to think of it like baseball.


In baseball, if you’re up to bat and you get a base hit three out of every ten times you’re at the plate, you’re doing a good job. In other words 30% is considered successful in baseball (although they call it .300, same difference). In dating, you wouldn’t even have to do that well. Three out of ten would be a miracle when hitting on chicks, unless you’re some sort of bohunk or an actor in the Twilight movies.


There’s a good reason why they call it “striking out” with the ladies. Because you can totally swing for it and miss badly. It’s an embarrassing feeling, whether you’re a major leaguer walking back to the dugout muttering to yourself or just some joe-schmo pacing around the bar muttering to yourself. It’s an ugly feeling of failure, of rejection, of losing the game.


But that’s all it is a game. Dating is a game, work is a game, the pursuit of happiness is a game. Sex is a game. Money is a game. Careerism is a game. The whole thing is a game, an illusion. The illusion of “life”. The illusion of “games”. The whole thing. A system and social more created to keep us productive and to keep us from thinking.


That’s not even a terrible or conspiratorial thing to say. “To keep us from thinking” isn’t just some Wizard Of Oz man-behind-the-curtain theory of placating us so we don’t revolt and tear this country out of complacency. It’s a way to keep us from thinking about ourselves, our inner lives. We fill our lives with stuff. We fill our lives with Storage Wars on A&E and Affliction t-shirts and ladies night and bros before hoes and poker on NBC at three in the morning and sports and beer and religion and Obama and Fox News and Faux News and porn.


We need to be distracted from our inner lives, for our own good. It’s all a game, an illusion a parlor trick, and I’m trying to stay out of it. I don’t want to play the game. I don’t want to pay my dues with hundreds of rejections. I don’t want to swing and miss. I don’t want to try and forget.


That said, it does get lonely sometimes.

I Curse My Own Family

April 24th, 2012

Lately, I’ve spent more time with my family. This has been a terrible decision.


They’ve got me watching Storage Wars on A&E. Not only that but I’m watching its’ spinoff Storage Wars: Texas. If I weren’t hanging out with my family, I’d be doing something worthwhile like watching sports, downloading porn, or cutting myself. Literally anything would be more worthwhile than watching Storage Wars and SW:TX.


I’ll explain it for those of you who don’t know, briefly. When a storage locker renter defaults on payments, they auction it off. A bunch of people come out, including four to five Storage Warriors who bid against each other. Highest bidder wins the locker, at which point they have to determine the value of the contents of the locker they just won. It’s practically a blind bet, bidders only have five minutes to look at the locker. They never get to see what’s in any of the boxes in the locker. Could be something of value, could be nothing.


I could have lived my whole life not watching this show, and yet I’m watching it. This show is literally the same every time. This show’s format makes House, M.D. look like an unpredictable free-for-all.


If I were the kind of guy who liked to buy storage lockers, I’d hate the shit out of Storage Wars and the people on it. The other bidders. My great fantasy is that the hundreds of other bidders one day walk in on a Storage Wars shoot, murder the entire cast and crew violently, and then crash a plane into the A&E building, killing all the network executives and then I can stop spending time with my family.

Wrong Side of Mother Nature

April 23rd, 2012

We didn’t get to play at Mayhem the other day. We got rained out. I should stress that three bands got rained out. Eight bands were supposed to play, five actually got to play before the rain came and the show was shut down. We were to be the sixth band.


Our gear was onstage as we stood around waiting to see if we had the go-ahead to play or if we’d break down. The idea was that everyone would wait out the rain for twenty minutes and then they’d make a judgement call. But twenty minutes turned into longer than that, and our equipment got wetter and wetter and wetter. Even though some guys had tarps over their gear. It was all for naught. The show was cancelled from that point on.


I always feel like we’re on the wrong side of the battle. Because we often are. Friday night, I started believing in God again. I now believe that God is my enemy. And as I’ve established, I feel like I’m on the wrong side of the battle. They say your arms are too short to box with God. But God exists, and he’s a petty fucker. Fuck him straight in his fat face with black dick.

Dusk Music: SSION

April 23rd, 2012


Coming in with an early morning entry for Song of the Day, “My Love Grows In The Dark” from Kansas City’s own SSION. Cody Critcheloe is the mastermind behind SSION, when he’s not directing the occasional music video for Peaches, Santigold and the Gossip.


I met Cody a few times in his teens while he had the misfortune of growing up Kentuckian. When he got a chance he moved to Kansas City where he has made his base ever since (note the blinged out cap in the video). I watched some of his pre-SSION shows, his early teenage attempts at shock rock. So it gives me a warm feeling to see the guy has moved on and and kept doing what he does, whatever he does.


“My Love Grows In The Dark” is a really catchy pop song. All synths, and the melodies and Cody’s delivery is so right you won’t pay attention to the words. This has such a late 80s feel to it, it’s no surprise that Cody adopts a semi-Boy George look in the video. Extremely well produced and not what I expected from a group/project that once gave us something like “Street Jizz”


Look At Yourself, What Are You Doing?

April 22nd, 2012

What are you doing, Mike? Look at yourself, will ya? For cryin’ out loud, kid. You got the TV on and you’re listening to music on your tape player at the same time. Make up your mind, already. How much noise do you need? It’s not even noon yet.


Oh, give me a break already, Mike. Look at yourself. What are you doing? Why are you still up this late listening to music? It’s a school night, you know that. You gotta be up tomorrow bright and early. And yet you’re still up with the radio on like it’s nothing. When are you gonna turn it off and go to bed? How much noise do you need in your life?


Look at yourself, you idiot. If you could see yourself right now, you wouldn’t believe what an idiot you’re being. You’re spending way too much time in Internet chatrooms. Why don’t you get out of the house. Are you that dejected by people in real life? And do you have to keep the music cranked while you do that? How much noise do you need in your head? Did you have phone sex with someone you met in a chatroom last month? There’s a long distance phone call that went on for three hours in the middle night. I called the number, and it was some middle-aged lady. I’m just glad it was a lady, Mike.


Look at yourself, you lunatic. What has happened to you? Are you really sitting up in your underwear at three in the morning while listening to Kool Keith and scooping peanut butter out of the jar with nacho cheese Doritos? I aint gotta say nothing else.


Look at yourself, Mike. What are you doing with your life. It’s a quarter to three in the morning. Why are you on the laptop watching club soccer from South Korea streaming online? Is Chinese club soccer not good for you? Why are you not eating delicious treats in a gross manner or sitting around naked covered in lotion while you watch soccer?


Seriously, Mike, can’t you just quieten your mind?


Wait, you’re not gambling on Korean soccer, are you?

Everything Went Well, No Cause For Alarm

April 17th, 2012

When I last left you on this website, I was begging to not play a TVH show on Friday night, a mere three hours before I was supposed to play it.


As it turns out, I ended up attending and performing that gig anyway. Wonder of wonders, it turned out just fine. Perhaps I was right to not get emotionally invested in that night’s activities. Maybe it’s betterwhen you don’t care, when you don’t try to make more out of it than it is.


I didn’t walk into the bar until right before the show started, played my set with the band and left shortly thereafter. Not that I didn’t want to see the other bands that followed but I don’t know how much of my time needs to be spent in bars.


Two days later, the band went into a studio to re-record “White Girls” from last year. We tried it once and put it on our last album, and it didn’t work. Not at all. This time, it was much better.


We wouldn’t have rerecorded it at all if it weren’t the song for an upcoming music video we’ll be shooting. The band figured if we’re going to do a proper music video, let’s make sure the music is on point. If only once.

Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off

April 13th, 2012

I’m considering not going to the show tonight. I’m supposed to be there at 9pm and we start playing at 10pm. I don’t want to do it. I’m going to do the entire show in my jammies.


I’m not kidding. Literally, I’ve got about three hours where I need to be there and I think they can fuck off. The whole scene. The bar, the people in it, the other bands, my own band. I’m wearing my jammies tonight. A shitty white cotton tank top with my Bears Zubaz jammies and a plush puppy dog doll. Fuck all these people and fuck this music. I don’t want to do this show. Let’s not do this shit. Let’s cancel. No one will miss us. It’s just another gig.


I will get to the show around 9pm, sit in the car until it’s time to play, then get back in the car when the show’s over while the rest of the band is packing up their stuff. I’m not mad at anyone. I just don’t want to do this. I’d rather stay at home. Can’t I phone this in?

List Of Items Found In Background Of Noodz

April 12th, 2012

  • Ficus plant
  • Stack of CDs
  • Soccer team scarf nailed to wall (Man City)
  • Lunchbox full of tears
  • Leering uncles
  • Scimitar
  • Man City manager Roberto Mancini, fully dressed, smoking cigar, flipping through stack of Euros
  • Sublime poster
  • Colander
  • Sheet music: “Ode To Joy”
  • Jagermeister bottle
  • Horrified churchgoers
  • Rebel flag
  • Christmas lights
  • Chinese lanterns
  • Collage of baby pictures
  • Oreos
  • Obscure Mexican album from 70s with wacky album cover
  • Abandoned log cabin
  • World Trade Center on fire

A Dream Realized (As A JPG)

April 12th, 2012

Once upon a time, I dreamt that the Honky Tonk Man fought Freddie Mercury in the 80s. I communicated this dream on this very blog, and then my friend Bradford Brooks decided to make a flyer for this (literally) dream match. Thank you a million times Brad for this wonderful flyer. It put a smile on my face and rescued me from a near-catatonic depression. As it will for nearly anyone.