Archive for March, 2012

I’m Slightly Busy

March 30th, 2012

This will be my last post for March 2012. If by chance I never write another post, let the record show that the state of Kentucky where I live burned itself to the ground after the Final Four matchup on Saturday the 31st between the University of Kentucky and the University of Louisville. Assuming Kentucky lost the game. If Kentucky wins, order will remain, although a few garbage cans will burn in the streets of Louisville after the game. But what’s so strange about that?


Also this weekend, the big Black Belles show in Bowling Green where I will be going to. I’ll actually be working the door for part of that show. I’m there to help my good friend Mary Sparr who is putting on the show. She has cobbled together a great local support lineup and a list of sponsors to make this show a reality. I am lending my help because it is the least I can do, besides the online drum-beating I’ve been doing.


Sunday night, I’ll be watching Wrestlemania 28. That will be a hoot. The Rock vs. John Cena. Triple H vs. the Undertaker in Hell In A Cell. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus for the World Championship. All of these are going to make for a wonderful show. If only the state doesn’t burn down the night before.

Older Than Jesus

March 27th, 2012

I had a birthday Monday. Seem to have one every year, last week of March. This one marks the thirty-fourth I’ve ever had. That’s a lot of a birthday.


When you’re an adult, a birthday is hard to really enjoy unless you’re rich and fabulous. But how can I know, not being either? I assume if you can afford to throw a fancy party with all your friends, you can enjoy the shit out of it even if it’s on a Monday like mine was.


I decided to celebrate my birthday by going to see the WWE at Diddle Arena on Saturday. By myself. But I went, and had a decent time. I hadn’t been to a WWE event since it had been the WWF, way back around 1993 or thereabouts.


The best birthday I’ve had in my adulthood was my thirtieth, when I went with some friends to Chicago to see The Boredoms. Why not enter into your thirties with some Japanese noise rock? I enjoyed it very much. As I watched Eye Yamamoto thrashing around while three people played their own separate drumkits, I thought to myself, “You know what this show needs? Bodyslams.”



From The Sports Sofa

March 25th, 2012

Kentucky, Kansas, Wisconsin, and Michigan State were my Final Four picks. As you probably know by now, the first two are correct while the latter two lost in the Sweet 16. Louisville and the Ohio State University will be playing instead.


A UK-UL national semifinal threatens to tear the Commonwealth of Kentucky apart worse than moonshine or meth ever could. If we were lucky, they would end up playing to a scoreless tie with every player fouled out or injured, even the walk-ons.


This has little to do with the players on either team, although I can’t stand Peyton Siva’s swimcap haircut and sad bastard pout. Rather, this WKU alum can’t stand the fanbases of both Big Blue and Cardinal Nation.


One of the poorest populations in the US roots for a basketball team that attends a college that it can’t afford to attend. Uninformed, bleary-eyed, blue-clad hillbillies who love their Wildcats until those Wildcats pro. If you’re gonna call Terrance Jones an n-word on your Facebook status, at least say it to his Twitter. I mean, put your name on it.


Yet the other side is no better. I picture a Cardinal fan as a PBR drinking hipster with a thick beard (even the women), who are proud of living in the most/only liberal town in Kentucky despite rooting for a University accepting endowments by a US Senator who has publicly vowed to end the Obama presidency after one term. These are the same people who compare the city to Austin, Texas, which drives me crazy.


On March 31st, one side will have bragging rights but the Commonwealth of Kentucky will still be miserable and it will be because of both fanbases. And then the winner of that game will go on to lose to Ohio State, anyway.


Celebrity Spot-Em

March 23rd, 2012

I am going to show you two pictures. One is a picture of actor Michael Cera. The other is a picture of actress Claire Danes in the titular role of the “Temple Grandin” biopic. Thumbs up if you can figure out who is who.




And just for funsies, here’s a picture of late actor/comedian Harpo Marx.



I’m Not Going To Enjoy This

March 22nd, 2012

You should know by now if you don’t already that I can be incredibly jealous. This is especially true as I’m a musician and live performer. I am jealous right now because Sleeper/Agent will be performing on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon in less than an hour as I write this.
I should say right here that I have no ill will towards Sleeper/Agent. Tony Smith once filled in for me for a song at a TVH show. Both Tony and Alex booked TVH at a now-defunct coffeehouse they worked at. Once upon a time, I went on Myspace and claimed that Justin Wilson ate school glue but that was many years ago and for all I know he’s recovered from that damning accusation.


But I am jealous of them right now. There are about four going on five Bowling Green-related bands I am jealous on in one way or another way. All of them formed after TVH did but all of them with far greater public acclaim. This band’s on Jimmy Fallon, that band’s on Conan, this other band’s on Letterman for the second time. How could I not be jealous of these bands a little bit? Can I be truly happy for them?


I don’t even know if it’s a matter of deserving anything or not. It’s certainly not that they don’t deserve it. I’m just jealous. I’m jealous of the bands playing those shows that aren’t from Bowling Green, too. I was jealous of that band Karmin that played Saturday Night Live. But there’s a sick tinge of guilt in my jealousy when the band on TV is a hometown outfit. A sick, sour tinge.

Where Did The Last Week Go?

March 20th, 2012

I was not online last week because my old modem died. Emphasis on “old”. I got it in 2007 and used it consistently. That’s a pretty good run on something that comes with a mere one-year warranty. So from Thursday to Monday, my time online was scattered to the rare moments I went to public places that offered free wifi.


During this dark weekend at, St. Patrick’s Day happened and I took this opportunity to leave the house and attend a party at Jax’s on 2nd Street in Owensboro. Yes, folks. . . I had such a terrible time without the internet that I went to Owensboro voluntarily.


I should mention that I didn’t wear green out. On St. Patrick’s Day. Knowingly. So when I walked into the bar, a woman tried to pinch me. Because I wasn’t wearing green. Knowingly.


And yet I recoiled like Stewie Griffin being shown the cover to Queen’s News Of The World. I didn’t want to be pinched and backed away. She tried to play it off and asked me if I was wearing green boxers.


I said, “as far as you know” and walked off in a huff. It didn’t hit me for about a minute that this was not a vicious snake trying to pinch me and break skin. No, it was just a nice, slightly drunk lady trying to flirt with me. ME! Of all people! And I got the fear. She smiled and I saw bared fangs out for blood.


It occurs to me that I have no idea how to play the game.


March 14th, 2012

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. . .


Days go by and sometimes you get to a point where you need someone in your life like you need your teeth in your mouth.


I know that sounds crazy. It isn’t when someone has made such an impact in your life that you feel incomplete if they’re not around to chop it up with you on the reg.


Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. . .


Assuming you have most of your teeth, you’d feel proper screwed if you suddenly had a giant gap in the front. Not a Madonna gap, but a missing tooth in the front. Like not the two fronts on top but maybe the ones on either side of them. How would you feel if they were suddenly gone? Probably not well. And who could blame you. Not this guy, and I have my teeth.


Perhaps I’m a bit obsessive, but if I’m chopping it up with you every day and you’re my best friend and you’re not around for a while, that’s gonna leave a big gap where some of my teeth oughta be and that’s not a good look for me.


Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. . .


I can’t be sitting here listening to ELO welling up like a punk because my best friend isn’t going to be around for a while. I already miss my friend.


I don’t want to get close to people because they go away. Not even talking about someone going on a trip now. People get sick, people suffer things that you can’t help them with. Things you can’t help alleviate and if you love someone and they suffer then you suffer for them, by proxy.


Then again, that might explain why I feel a void when one person is out of the picture momentarily. I don’t keep a lot of them around.


Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. . .

Some Dreams Are More Awesome Than Others

March 14th, 2012

Last night, I had a dream that in 1986, professional wrestler The Honky Tonk Man main evented a bout in Wembley Arena in England.


The Honky Tonk Man: Cool, Cocky & Bad


In my dream, this Elvis-impersonating bad guy would be in the main event of a wrestling supercard, facing off against an unlikely celebrity opponent. . .


Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this...


Yes, folks. I dreamt that the Honky Tonk Man had a wrestling match against Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen.


I would do anything if someone made a jpg of an old school wrestling poster with that on the bill. That would be amazeballs.


Also, you’re probably wondering who won the match between Honky and Freddie. The answer? All of us.

This Is What We Were Carping About?

March 13th, 2012

This album


I am frustrated. A while back, I finally got to listen to Born To Die. Yeah, I didn’t care for it. But that’s me. I wouldn’t. I’m not into that sort of thing. But I read a lot of reviews for this thing that made me think it was the most horrifying thing to ever happen to music.


I get it. Her rich parents bought her a career. Bought her time with all kinds of hot shot producers and songwriters and autotuned the shit out of her voice and made a pop record while pretending to be some sort of indie starlet. Pitchfork literally wrote eight zillion articles about her in the last year-plus and fed the fires. People wondered whether this girl had collagen in her lips and got mad at her for changing her stage name from her real name Lizzy Grant to Lana Del Rey.


Miss me with that. You’re talking to Kentucky fucking Prophet here. You think my mom named me that? And while I hate that she has rich parents who helped buy her a career, she is far from the only performer to do it like that. Life isn’t fair, I get that.


So we are left with the music. And I listened to it. Because Aaron Clark of the Black Shades bought the album. And he ought to be ashamed of himself. He should turn in his man card but I know he won’t. I should turn in my man card for even bringing up the concept of man cards.


And the music? It’s fine. I appreciate the craft of the hired hands. That’s what music is in the end, just a craft. Lana Del Rey is a money mark and I’m writing about her so you’ll visit this website to read about her. It works. Yes!

A Day Of Rest

March 12th, 2012

Nobody takes greater advantage of the Sabbath than me, the biggest atheist in Fordsville, Kentucky.


Every Sunday, I end up sleeping through the majority of the day. And it is great! No regrets, except last night I missed the newest episode of Eastbound And Down, but apart from that no biggies. No kidding, I went to bed at 3 AM, woke up around 2 in the afternoon, grabbed some lunch and went back to bed around 5:30 PM and woke up about twenty minutes ago. No regrets.


My grandfather checked in on me to see if I was still alive but I wasn’t even mad at that. It’s good sense.


During the week, I get my sleep in small intervals. Maybe four hours at a time tops. So when Sunday comes I end up crashing. This was not by design. It’s just how it ended up. But could I have picked a better day to make this happen on? I think not.


I’m probably dying, for all I know.