Archive for April, 2011

Song Of The Day: Eels

April 28th, 2011

 

“It’s A Motherfucker” by Eels. Not The Eels, just Eels. Like Pixies. Not the Pixies. Pixies. Eels. Understood? Great.

 

It’s a motherfucker how much I understand

The feeling that you need someone to take you by the hand

Stage Fright With Little Payoff

April 28th, 2011

I saw this story on Pardon The Interruption and went online to find this story.

 

SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y. — His voice is unmistakable. His calls are memorable. His job…is stressful.

“It’s like any other thing,” said Tom Durkin. “Fear of failure. I don’t want on my gravestone, ‘Here lies Tom Durkin. He was a lousy race caller.’ I don’t want that on there.”

Durkin has called the last 30 Triple Crown races for NBC, but he said the stress forced him to not renew his contact this year.

“I don’t know if I’ll miss them,” he said. “I’ll have to find out whether I’ll miss them or not. I know I’m not going to miss the stress, I can tell you that right now. I will not miss the stress.”

 

Damn. The anxiety got to him. Who can blame him? All that work that goes into a two minute race. There’s no payoff for Durkin, just relief. I get anxiety playing gigs in dive bars to two dozen people, so I can only imagine what it feels like for him to have that weight on him. I am sympathetic, absolutely. It’s hard to be flawless for any period of time, even when there’s no pressure.

I’m Listening To The Happy Hollows

April 28th, 2011

So here’s what I’ve been doing for the last fifteen minutes or so. I’ve been listening to a group called The Happy Hollows. They are a three-piece band from L.A., billing themselves as “art-rock”. That’s fine. One man’s art-rock is early Genesis, someone else’s is Pixies. Fair enough.

 

The lead singer/guitarist is Sarah Negahdari, once a cast member in Hair (though it doesn’t say whether she was part of a local production or a touring company). She’s the star of the band, apparently. The press release for their debut album calls Happy Hollows a cross between Captain Beefheart and Cyndi Lauper, which I hate. I hate the Beefheart comparison. If they had went with Kim Deal, I would have been far more understanding. Negahdari has more of a Deal-y type vocal instrument and as much as her group may listen to the Captain, I don’t detect the influence. I’ve listened to like seven songs so far.

 

Here’s the deal. I was clicking around on my merry way and I thought I’d give this a lesson. I found my way in the Happy Hollows’ wormhole. The first song, I felt a douchechill, but I felt I owed it to them to check out at least one more song. And it grew on me, as did the one after that. And so on. Finally, I ran out of studio recordings to listen to, so now I’m listening to a live acoustic recording. This one, in fact…

 

 

So now that we’re here checking this business out and I’ve been listening to a bunch of their songs. I should go ahead and link you to the website where you can buy their CD, should you feel the need. This album came out in January 2010, so I am well beyond the curve on this one. Apparently, HuffPo gave them a good review but I’d rather not go to that website.

 

Happy Hollows – Spells (Autumn Tone)

It Don’t Come Easy

April 27th, 2011

I am trying to write bass parts for my album and I have run into a terrible snag. I can’t play bass guitar. Not even a little bit. Oh no no no.

 

I have written parts for three songs. Three of the easiest bass parts ever composed by an adult. Children would sneer at the basslines I have written for these three songs. Thalidomide babies would say “I can play that!”

 

I knew it wouldn’t be easy. It is in fact much harder than I assumed it would be. There are two songs I definitely can’t get a handle on and five that I don’t think need bass. So I guess that’s that.

 

I’ve given some mp3s to a friend to work out some acoustic guitar parts on. We can’t possibly have five straight piano songs that have nothing but me and my percussive stylings. That makes no sense at all. This is not going to be a slick piece of work at all. How could it be, though?

Thoughts From A Frustrated WWE Writer

April 26th, 2011

I found this on a Tumblr that only I have seen:

 

You see Monday Night Raw the other night? I wrote a bit for John Cena and he adlibs some shit about Dennis Rodman. Why? I don’t know. Rodman has been out of basketball for like thirteen years at this point, right? Plus, we were in North Carolina. Did Rodman play in North Carolina? Fuck. No. Everyone has forgotten Dennis “Drunk” Rodman except for apparently John fucking Cena.

 

"I got an idea. Why don't we reference Joe Millionaire in next week's promo?"

It Gets Awkward

April 26th, 2011

I am listening to my own album, still half-recorded, and I have to tell you that this might be an uncomfortable listening experience for you. It is for me, and I wrote, sang and played the songs. I don’t know how you’re gonna deal with it. It’s pretty bracing.

 

I tried to think about some of the more uncomfortable songs and albums I’ve heard in the past. Tonight’s The Night by Neil Young. Broken English by Marianne Faithfull, especially the song “Why D’Ya Do It?” You know what? Imagine an entire album as pissed off as “Why D’Ya Do It?” and that’s my album.

 

Hold on, here’s the song I’m talking about. If you’re at work, put on some headphones. Language, kids.

 

I Hate Wrestling Now, WTF Happened?

April 25th, 2011

Every Monday I watch WWE Monday Night Raw. I am seriously beginning to consider not watching anymore. It is my two-hour weekly dose of wrestling. I don’t watch Friday Night Smackdown or TNA Impact, and Ring Of Honor on HDNet went off the air. So Raw is it for me. And they’re making it really difficult for me to watch with the bullshit they do. Every week, there is something on the show that makes me question myself for watching the show.

 

WWE Raw is the most popular “wrestling” show on TV, but the WWE hates having its’ product classified as wrestling and instead refers to itself as “sports-entertainment”. Never mind that it’s not a sport and at times it’s not even entertainment. Goddammit. I’ve been watching wrestling my whole life and they make it tougher all the time. Fuck the WWE. Fuck them in their stupid bitch ears.

 

Cody Rhodes, son of “American Dream” Dusty Rhodes, is a wrestler now and he starts talking about his enemy Rey Mysterio. If you know Dusty Rhodes, you know he was one of the most legendary talkers in the history of wrestling. Cody, by comparison, is a stammering dingbat. He croaked out one of the worst promos I have ever heard.  I would give you a video link but the show just happened. It will probably be online, at which point I’ll link it because I want you to suffer like I suffered.

 

R-Truth comes out and talks to the audience, one week after turning into a bad guy and assaulting John Morrison. Unfortunately, he can’t talk much better than Cody Rhodes and the audience chants “WHAT?” when R-Truth pauses every three words. This went on far too long. At least Cody Rhodes got to talk backstage where he wasn’t interrupted by a mass “WHAT?”

 

WWE also has women’s wrestlers, or as they call them, “Divas”. Somehow, the WWE has managed to take gorgeous women wearing tights and shorts and make them BORING AS FUCK. They’re all annoying, shrill fuckos and I don’t know what their purpose is other than to have sex with the male wrestlers who by the way aren’t even wrestlers in the WWE anymore. Now they’re known as “Superstars”. Superstars and Divas. At least they’re half right.

 

I realize that it is difficult to come up with two hours of live entertainment every week, but there is at least two things in every episode that makes me wince. Why do I allow Vince McMahon to slap me in the dick every week? Fuck you, Vince. Fuck you, WWE.

 

I’ll see you next week.

Song Of The Day: Special Edition

April 25th, 2011

 

Ya’ll gots to chill. “Never Turn Your Back On Mother Earth” by Sparks is today’s song of the day. Depeche Mode and Neko Case covered this ish, but Sparks was the originatorz of the shizz, yaknow cuz?

 

For real, tho. Ya’ll gots to chill on the flip-flop ya’know cuz? I been up like since 4pm yesterday cause that’s how I rollz now, ya’know cuz? I’m finna get some sleep but I wanted to do this shit. Ignore that other stuff. I’m on the verge of not making no more sense, nahmean?

 

I’m gonna rock yo body, girlz. I love nothing more than the world on a platter and a boatload of money. The simple pleasurez, nahmean? What the hell is happening to me? I had all my synapsis firing until I started typing and ish, nahmean?

 

My brain is tired. I should go to bed or something. Sexy and shizz. My hairbrush has soap on it. That’s not bullshit or rambling of a psychotic sleep-deprived fool. My hairbrush has soap and stuff on it because I use a spoonful of shampoo to soak my brush to clean it. That was an ill-advised thing to do. Dammit. The thing said to soak it in a sink of water with a tablespoon of shampoo and a tablespoon of vinegar only I aint gots no vinegar. Who the hell wants to keep vinegar in the house? That’s some bullshit, nahmean?

 

I’m thinking about going to bed or sending graphic sexts to my friends. I better get some sleep.

A List Of Cultural References

April 25th, 2011

A partial list of pop culture references in the lyrics on the upcoming 4th Technology Vs. Horse album. Release tbd, but we’re getting closer. We sent it off to be mastered this weekend, I think. I don’t know. I wasn’t there.

 

Silk Degrees, an album by Boz Scaggs

Monster Party, the Nintendo video game

Riding The Scree“, a song by Genesis

“Jimmy Tango’s Fatbuster”, an SNL sketch featuring host Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell

“Private Dancer”, a song by Tina Turner

Turn Me On“, a song by The Tubes

“Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”, a song by The Police

Irn Bru, an English beverage

several English Premier Football league teams:

  • Tottenham Hotspur
  • Blackburn Rovers
  • Wolverhampton Wanderers
  • Arsenal

 

Psycho, the Hitchcock film

Meet Me In St. Louis, the film starring Judy Garland

The Mystery Of Fight Club…Revealed!

April 24th, 2011

Here’s an exclusive. No one has ever admitted this out loud but that’s because I made this up. But if you decide to take this up it could be the best rumor of all time since the one I made up about Thom Yorke being the voice of the Geico gecko.

 

 

The movie Fight Club. You’ve probably seen it by now. Starring Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden and Edward Norton as the unnamed protagonist who (spoiler alert) hallucinated Durden’s entire existence. While everyone knows who Tyler Durden is, no one knows the name of Norton’s character. Except me. I know the name of Edward Norton’s character in Fight Club. Would you like to hear it? I will be glad to tell you. . . now!

 

The name of the character portrayed by Edward Norton is. . . drumroll, please. . . Reuben Feffer.

 

Some of you may recall the name of that character from this movie.

 

 

Think about this. Reuben Feffer, as portrayed by Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly, is an actuary for an insurance company. Meanwhile, Norton plays an unnamed automobile manufacturer’s corporate employee. Could he be. . . an actuary?

 

Probably not. He might deal in risk assessment, though. Which would be hella important for an automobile manufacturer. It should be noted that I haven’t watched Fight Club since 2002 and have forgotten about many of the smaller details of the character’s worklife. Plus I never read the book.

 

But doesn’t Ben Stiller as the guy who came up with Tyler Durden make some sort of sense. I think it might make the movie better. Someone with more time on their hands than me should really try to mashup Fight Club with Along Came Polly. That way, if it sucks, it’s not my fault.