Archive for February, 2011

2011 Oscar Recap

February 28th, 2011

One of the many things this KyProphet.com is going to do that no one else is doing is talking about pop culture, but also discussing stuff in my personal life. To the former, let’s discuss last night’s Oscars.

 

Didn’t see it. Not a second. But I got to read all about it thanks to ALL THE REAL-TIME TWEETING ABOUT THE DAMN THING!! No, really. Thanks, everybody who documented the minutiae of their thoughts in the realm of award-giving, etc.

 

Basically, what I took from the live-tweets is that James Franco was exceptionally high and Kirk Douglas is dead and/or exceptionally high. I can’t blame James Franco if he was in fact high because I’d have to be exceptionally high to watch it. High and incapable of rising from my chair to change the channel manually because I turned my remote into a crack-pipe.

 

But I didn’t watch the Oscars, and I read the backlog of tweets out of some mild OCD obligation to the 150 or so people I follow. One of whom is Doug Benson, standup comedian and host of podcast “Doug Loves Movies”. Doug gets a pass for live-tweeting. Movies are his thing and the Oscars have something vaguely to do with cinema.

 

So here we are, folks. This is the pop culture criticism that you want, only on KyProphet.com

Now That I’ve Introduced Myself, What’s Next?

February 27th, 2011

It is time to set the agenda for KyProphet.com

 

What is this place going to be? A clearing house for me and my ideas, rants, raves, reviews.

 

Actually, that sounds exactly like what the agenda should be. I guess we’re done here for now.

 

What do I want to accomplish with KyProphet.com? Isn’t it enough to “just want to do better?” I would h0pe so, but WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? What does it mean to “do better”?

 

I want this to be the place that my people come for updates about me and my many ventures. Also, I’d like to make some money. More money than I make now, which is not very much at the momentthanksfornothingGod.

 

I’d like to meet hot chicks that want to kick it with an awesome, mildly-socially-anxious writer-blogger-singer-announcer. Throw yourselves at me, don’t be ashamed. I won’t judge you to be sluts. You’re not sluts; you’re the farthest thing from slutty. You’re delivering to me a care package of vagina, and I will never talk down to or about you.

 

So in summary, I want to get laid and get paid, and I’d like people to attend events I’m working en masse. This is the American Dream, no matter where you go.

 

A mild correction: I want to get laid and get paid more. These are my hopes and dreams. Forget about long-term security.

By Way Of Introduction

February 27th, 2011

Good evening, reader. Thank you for your viewing of this blog. For the uninitiated, I will attempt to describe myself and what I do. This will not be brief.

 

I am the Kentucky Prophet. I live in Fordsville, Kentucky so don’t think I’m some carpetbagger who pretends to be from somewhere else in order to gain credibility. Take that, Bay City Rollers.

 

I’m thirty-three years old. The window for hooking up with 19-21 year-old girls is completely shut, and that makes me sad. I am a single, childless white male. This is not particularly surprising, since I am also very overweight. Not to say that obese people can’t find romantic love, but the odds come down significantly if they were as brood-y and anti-social as I am.

 

Once upon a time, I was on a TV show called “Beat The Geeks”. It was a pop culture quiz show on Comedy Central that ran for two seasons, of which I was on a fraction of the second season. The producers of that show went on to do “The Surreal Life” and “Flavor Of Love” because there’s no justice in the world.

 

Despite what you may think, one cannot live on royalties from a basic-cable show that ran nearly ten years ago so I went into other fields of work. For many years, I have performed music, recording and performing to small batches of lucky and/or confused onlookers.

 

As Kentucky Prophet, I have recorded a full-length CD and a six-song EP of hip-hop/r&b-inspired funny songs. Recently, I have moved from this genre into singer-songwritery funny songs. I have no idea what the future will hold for this artistic change, but I’m enjoying it so far.

 

I am also the lead singer for a five-piece band called Technology Vs. Horse. We have been together in one form or another since 2004, releasing three (soon to be four) CDs. You will be hearing more about them and my solo work as Kentucky Prophet as this blog continues.

 

Another thing you will read about if you hang around long enough is the subject of WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK ROLLER DERBY. Occasionally, I can be found announcing for the Rollergirls of Southern Indiana, straight outta the tropical climes of Evansville (the River City) in an indoor hockey arena. This year I will begin my second year of calling bouts. Somehow I’ve managed not to drool on the microphone in a frenzy of unbridled lust for at least three skaters on the team. But I am, alas, a professional.

 

AS IF THAT WEREN’T ENOUGH! I have maintained a blog at Velocity, the Louisville-based, Gannett-owned local entertainment weekly for nearly three years. I will be talking more about that experience in a future post.

 

I am, in summary, a lover of good music and sweaty women. A conjurer of the improbable and master of the unprofitable. I have urinated all over this Internet in a vain attempt to mark territory. But that’s not necessary anymore. Because I’ve moved into this, my new space. It’s mine, all mine.

 

Welcome. We’re all friends here. Except for the bots in the comment section. But that is to be expected.