Or an open letter to Governor Matt Bevin:
November 5, 2019. Remember that date. It’s just not Guy Fawkes’ Day. Remember, remember the 5th of November, as they say. It’s election day in 2019, when you come up for re-election. And you need to know something, Guv. . . you are totally going to get smashed.
Let’s look at today, January the 4th of 2017 for example. The new Republican House in Frankfort swore in and they tried to railroad a whole lotta stuff through the pisshole of Kentucky state law. House Bill 1, that’s the number one priority for you guys. House Bill 1 is a Right-To-Work bill. What’s that going to do? You say it’s gonna help big business come into the state and help our economy flourish. Everybody else thinks it’s going to hurt unions and reduce workers wages all over the state.
What else did you they do today? There was the 20-week abortion ban bill, just like Gov. Kasich signed in Ohio. Really have a problem with women’s reproductive rights, don’t we? And it seems like most of the people in our state government are men. . . who will never have to deal with the physical ramifications of a unwanted pregnancy. Men will never have to have an ultrasound to see the fetus from a rape. They’ll never have to carry a baby alone as a single parent. They’ll never. . . have as much compassion for the currently living as they do for the not-yet-born.
Oh, and charter schools! Private schools with public funding! Great idea, Guv! Especially in Kentucky, which is 47th in the country in public education. Why give Kentucky’s public schools more money anyway? We have so far to fall. Like 48th! or 49th! Maybe even 50th if we dare to dream!
So off three pieces of legislation, we can see that you, Governor Bevin, are anti-public education, anti-women’s rights, and anti-worker’s rights. So, that’s practically everybody. Do you realize that in order for your future opponent to win in 2019, all they will have to say is “Look at me. I’m not Matt Bevin.” Seriously, that’s a twelve-point cushion in the polls.
You’re one of the ten most unpopular governors in the country. Sam Brownback from Kansas and Shitty McCorpserape out of New Hampshire are slightly more popular than you are.
Shitty McCorpserape -artist depiction
So enjoy these next few years, Guv. My advice to you is to take a lot of Propofol. That’s the stuff that killed Michael Jackson. But you can handle it. You’re Christian. It’s not an addiction if you need it. Right? Right.